reaching a turning point

the depression has kind of been kicking my butt the last few days.

man, i sure hate this.

but i'm looking forward to happier days....

can you believe there are only 17 days left until christmas? i sure can't. time goes by so quickly. we went christmas shopping for little buddy on saturday. poor kid saw his presents while we were wrapping them and was MAD when i took them away! good thing he's too little to remember them. we got him some fun toys that i think he will love.

his grandma and grandpa bought him this beautiful music box. it plays music accompanied by the chimes on the top. you can pick from 25 christmas songs and 25 "all time favorites," including a few of my favorites: beautiful stranger, let me call you sweetheart, oh you beautiful doll, and blue danube. little buddy's has a train that moves in the scene (i couldn't find a picture of that one, this picture has children in it.)

i'm in the process of getting myself back into counseling. it has been a long time coming...i've really needed it. but i've had a really bad attitude about it/it costs a LOT so i've been putting it off. but hubby has finally convinced me i really need it. and i'm at the point where i am ready to go back. i hate finding therapists. i mean, HATE it. i have seen a total of...let's see...have to count....12 different therapists in my life. the majority of whom i only saw once or twice....maybe three or four times. it is important to see a counselor that i like, that will really help me. most of those that i've seen did not help me. but there were two that really did. that helped me a lot. a ton, in fact, and i am a different person today because of what they've done for me. but the fact that there were 10 that didn't do anything for me and only 2 that did is frustrating. because even those one or two visits cost. time as well as money, emotional as well as physical energy. i am hoping that i'll get lucky here and find one that i really like right off the bat, because we really can't afford to pay six different therapists until i find one i like. my old therapist from high school agreed to look over our provider list and give me a referral for one that she thinks will really help me.

so i've reached a turning point in my life. another one. i am anticipating that this will be a positive thing, that this will benefit me and my family. it will be a lot of hard work...and at times is really scary. but from past experience, i know it will be worth it!