Tuesday, April 23, 2013

art journal entries from my kids

 my little ones love to watch me draw and doodle in my art journal.  so much that i let them add their own artwork.

this one is by Buddy (age 5).  he drew our family.  i'm blue, princess is green, and he and hubby are orange.  he also drew our cat and dog.

the next two are by princess (age 3).  the first one is daddy laying down in the grass.
 this one is me hugging andrew, and she is playing.

i love seeing their drawings and hearing the stories they tell to me about them.

last night i was hugging my little boy and he said, "mommy, i love you SOOO much i can't EVEN stop!"

i just love my babies.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

the energy in my soul

sometimes i am so overwhelmed with love and pride in my children i can't breathe.

being a mother is the most amazing thing in the world.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

i myself am made of flaws

 one of the things my art journal has allowed me to do is reflect on myself in a different way.  in a regular journal, of which i have stacks and stacks of, i mostly write about what i did, where i went, and how i feel about it.  or i write pages and pages about how depressed i am.  in my art journal, it's a different story--it's a story of me.  i'm sure someone who read my journals would know a part of me, someone who looked at my art journal would probably understand me better.

and i've begun to understand myself better, too.

in high school i did a lot of self-portraits.  mostly reflections on the inner turmoil i was dealing with--undiagnosed bipolar disorder, depression, PTSD, self-loathing and normal teenage angst, all wrapped up into one enormous dysfunctional 17-year-old.  now that i am an adult, on appropriate medication, have moved on from the abuse and generally less dysfunctional, it is interesting to me to see the different way i am portraying myself.  there are a lot more words, and a lot more colors involved.

so who am i, really?  a wife, a mother, a woman, an artist.  these are all labels, all things i do--important things.  but what's underneath that?

i'm a person, i struggle with self-esteem.  i don't really like the way i look.  i think i'm witty sometimes, and i can be funny.  i'm smart.  i have artistic talent, which i am trying to hone.  i am a creative person, and i'm outgoing.  i love people.  i'm generally an optimist, when i'm not struggling with mental illness.

so the thing is....i'm made up of a lot of things.  genetics.  experiences.  what i've seen, heard, and felt.  what i believe.  my convictions, ethics, and values.  i change, i adapt, i learn, i grow.  i'm not perfect, but i want to be better than i was, and better than i am.  tomorrow, next week, next month, next year...i will be different--but deep down, still the same person.

i, myself, am made of flaws.  stitched together with good intentions.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

interpreting cornnut's mess, future-style

i'm sitting in bed.  hubby is putting the kids to sleep, because he rocks.  and because they take four times longer to go to sleep with me than they do with him.

have you ever wondered what future people would think if they could see your house exactly as it is today?  maybe like pompeii.  modern-day archeologists try to figure out what life was like there before it was buried in ash.  they'd have a heyday in my house, i think.

there are no less than 10 pillows on my bed.  in all different shapes and sizes.  hubby has to have a million pillows.  then he picks one to toss on my side of the bed (or on me) almost every night because it gets in his way.  so then i end up putting it on the floor because it is irritating me.  we also each have our own blankets.  mine is a huge, fuzzy, thick blanket.  his is a twin-size thin t-shirt blanket.  he has a heater built-in and i freeze all the time.

there are clothes hanging from every door in here.  dresses, suit jackets, t-shirts, tank tops, sweaters, pants and polo shirts.  a lot of our clothes can't go in the dryer.  i no longer have a rod in my utility room so they get hung on doors.  then left there until we wear them, or there is no more room on the doors to hang more.  (because i HATE doing laundry.)  and, although i gather dirty clothes nearly every day, the clothes i wore to work today are on the floor.

next to my bed i have a make-shift night stand.  the base of said night stand is the dog's crate, then a small three-drawer rubbermaid organizer.  this organizer contains pens and pencils and markers of all kinds, a wii remote, rolos, my crossword puzzle book, my address book and a large quantity of bobby pins that i take out of my hair at night.  on top i have a fork, a baby monitor, my phone (charging because the battery died), and a lamp.  pinned to my lamp i have mini yarn zombie voodoo doll things.  they are AWESOME.  three of them, to be precise.  plus my stuffed sally doll (from nightmare before christmas.)  and my chloroseptic spray, because sometimes i just need it.

hubby's side of the bed is a real mess.  garbage, cups, forks and spoons, and phone chargers.  plus buddy left a bunch of plastic mcdonald's play food over there, so it looks like mcdonald's threw up or something.

combine that with my teddy bear, a book about training dogs (which i need to finish so i can train my spastic dog), half-full bags of pretzels and cheetos, toys, children's books, a wii balance board, empty gift bags, and boxes of craft supplies (paint, popsicle sticks, ribbon, glue sticks, felt, etc.) in piles all over. 

so here is what future-people see:
she likes creepy things.
they were messy people.
perhaps clothes are hung in a ceremonious "laundry hating" fashion.
creative people can't keep their crap straight.

you can tell the most about us, however, from what's hanging on our walls.

there are two paintings i did of hubby and me hanging above our headboard.  i spent a long time on these and i'm pretty proud of them.  in general they turned out pretty well.

one wall has a painting of a little boy with a drawing of the american flag and two firemen.  it's a gift i got for hubby.  next to it is a painting that belonged to his grandpa, who was a captain in the fire department in his city.  the painting is of a horse-drawn firewagon.  (is that the right word?)  his grandpa's helmet is up there, too, and a photo of hubby's fire academy class.  two of our engagement photos as well.....we took them on a firetruck.  they're pretty awesome.

the opposite wall is full of pictures of our kids, plus one buddy drew of me last year for mother's day, his handprint and a quote about motherhood.

the last wall has a big mirror half-obscured by the TV, a collage print full of photos of me and my grandmother, and our "i love you because..." frame.  (currently, it says BOOBS.  guess who wrote that.)

future-people now see that we are a family.  we love our kids.  we love each other.  we love our history. 

but we're still messy.

(i blame it on...well...can i say exhaustion?)

Friday, April 5, 2013

blue ribbons!

5 days into National Child Abuse Awareness Month!

have you been wearing your blue?

i am proud to say that i have worn a blue ribbon every single day.  my manager and assistant manager have also been wearing a blue ribbon every day--which i think is really awesome.  this is the first year i've had coworkers that have been willing to do that.  my manager even let me put a little sign about stopping child abuse out on my desk--and pass out the pamphlets for 7 Steps to Protecting Our Children from Darkness to Light.  how awesome is that?!

a few years ago i won an awareness bracelet in a giveaway.  i LOVE it, but i hardly ever wear it because bracelets irritate me.  so today i turned it into a necklace, and i love the way it turned out.  blue glass beads with silver bead accents and a sterling silver ribbon.  i'm totally wearing it to work tomorrow!  :)

i love the way wearing a blue ribbon opens up opportunities to talk about abuse prevention.

Monday, April 1, 2013

national child abuse prevention month proclamation

- - - - - - -
America is a country where all of us should be able to pursue our own measure of happiness and live free from fear. But for the millions of children who have experienced abuse or neglect, it is a promise that goes tragically unfulfilled. National Child Abuse Prevention Month is a time to make their struggle our own and reaffirm a simple truth: that no matter the challenges we face, caring for our children must always be our first task.
Realizing that truth in our society means ensuring children know they are never alone -- that they always have a place to go and there are always people on their side. Parents and caregivers play an essential part in giving their children that stability. But we also know that keeping our children safe is something we can only do together, with the help of friends and neighbors and the broader community. All of us bear a responsibility to look after them, whether by lifting children toward their full potential or lending a hand to a family in need.
Our Government shares in that obligation, which is why my Administration has made addressing child abuse a priority. Since I took office, we have advocated for responsible parenting and invested in programs that can give our sons and daughters a strong start in life. I was also proud to sign measures into law that equip State and local governments with the tools to take on abuse, like the CAPTA Reauthorization Act and the Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act.
Together, we are making important progress in stopping child abuse and neglect. But we cannot let up -- not when children are still growing up looking for a lifeline, and not when more than half a million young people are robbed of their basic right to safety every year. So this month, let us stand up for them and make their voices heard. To learn more about ending child abuse and how to get involved, visit www.ChildWelfare.gov/Preventing.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim April 2013 as National Child Abuse Prevention Month. I call upon all Americans to observe this month with programs and activities that help prevent child abuse and provide for children's physical, emotional, and developmental needs.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this
twenty-ninth day of March, in the year of our Lord two thousand thirteen, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-seventh.

and don't forget...it's monday!  wear blue!

Sunday, March 31, 2013

National Child Abuse Awareness Month

it's that time of the year again---april.  national child abuse awareness month.

join with me to pledge to STOP child abuse!  wear a blue ribbon in support.  when someone asks you what it's for--tell them!

1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys in the US will be sexually assaulted before they turn 18.  LET'S MAKE IT STOP!

Communication is key!  Communicate.  Educate.   Intervene.

and don't forget....
wear BLUE every monday in april.  that's tomorrow!

Thursday, March 28, 2013

creepy awesome animal skeletons

 since i'm sure you all loved my last creepy awesome post full of pinterest goodness, i'm sure you'll love this one, too.  :)

street art is awesome.  especially this one.

someday when i have my own yard, i am totally getting these.

and whoever did this to their cat deserves a medal.

owls!  who doesn't love owls?

creepy awesome wardrobe

reason number 9,436 why i love pinterest:

fantasizing about a new wardrobe from the comfort of my own home...sitting in my pj's.  plus i don't have to look at a price tag, just the picture.

 if i had lots and lots of money, and places to wear this stuff, i would totally buy it.

maybe to work...or to the grocery store...

 i mean, come on!  isn't it awesome?

 i don't think i'd ever take this hoodie off.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

and they call it sharpie love

i'll bet you didn't know i love sharpies.

you did? 

well, i guess i haven't mentioned it before, huh?  :)

see these two beautiful new packages of multi-colored sharpies?  they're my new favorites.  hubby told me he'd give me $10 if i let him try to drop a candy into my mouth from two feet away....from his mouth.  yeah, he missed.  but i still got $10.  and two new packages of sharpies.  yay, me!

i think the sharpie people should pay me, because i promote their products so much.

winner winner, chicken dinner

thanks to everyone who took the time to enter my giveaway!  it really means a lot to me, it makes me feel loved and supported.  :)  so thank you so much.

the big winner of the painting....

kyleigh!  congrats!  
you will soon be sporting a brand spaking new "cornnut original" on your wall.  lucky you!  hehe.

the big winner of the art journal....

thanks for all of the awesome comments you left!

and since my other entrants are also pretty darn cool, you also win!  i'll be making you each a mini art journal.

congrats, jasui and keri!

thank you so much to the four of you for being such good friends.

send me an email at cornnut32@gmail.com with your mailing address and what you would like your original painting/art journal entry to consist of.

love you all tons!

Monday, March 18, 2013


so i've only had three people enter my giveaway!  go enter soooooo i don't cry.  :)  k thnx!

hubby says i sound desperate.  do i?

corgis pretty much rule.

today marked the beginning of obedience training for my little spaz.  love that dog...even if he drives me crazy sometimes.

i saw this cutesy little sign on pinterest...

and i pinned it because i liked the saying.  but when i went to put it in my art journal, i realized...."doggy" and "corgi" could be switched and it would still sound awesome.  and i'm pretty sure my corgi would just X out the "doggy" part and leave a bright red paw print in his wake.

so it's true....no home is complete without the pitter patter of corgi feet.

Friday, March 15, 2013

food glorious food

went grocery shopping hungry today.  ended up getting a package of ridiculously expensive dried apples and eating the whole thing at once.  and, of course, while i was there my mouth was watering as i thought of all of the food i love...

watermelon.  pineapple.  apples.  tomatoes.  clementines.

corn on the cob.

nuts.  walnuts, cashews, almonds especially...all kinds of nuts.  (probably because i'm so nutty, teehee!)

pecan pralines and cream ice cream, blue bell brand.  seriously.  i dare you to sit down and eat one single bite of this and tell me it's not heaven in the form of frozen dairy.

megastuf oreos.  first, there were oreos.  yum.  then there were doublestuf oreos.  much better.  then they came out with megastuf oreos, and the oreo people finally got it perfect.  i just ate a few and my tummy is smiling, that's how good they are.

coca-cola.  this beverage is so amazing i don't need to elaborate.

kiwi.  c'mon, who doesn't love a good, ripe kiwi?

almond joy.  i grew up eating almond joy....they are divine.  so are rolos.  (i love the new mini rolos you can get in bags now.)

symphony with toffee.  toffee in general.  chocolate in general.

shrimp.  no kidding, shrimp is probably one of my most favorite foods in the entire world.  you know how bubba goes on and on about all the things you can do with shrimp in forrest gump?  yeah, that's totally me.  except i sure hope i don't get shot.

brownies.  splurged a bit today and i got those little debbie cosmic brownies at wal-mart.  yep, i'm that awesome.

baskin robbins margarita ice....yummy ice cream.  love it.

rice chex.  my favorite cereal.

subway club sandwiches with everything except peppers and onions.

i could go on forever!

what food do you love?

(don't forget to enter my giveaway!)

Thursday, March 14, 2013

shine in the darkness

so i'm doing something monumentally crazy.

i am putting every (well, almost every) blog post i've ever written plus all the comments i've received in a word document.

that's 4 1/2 years of blog posts.  eek!

granted, the last two or so of those years i haven't posted much.  but still--that's a lot of word document editing!

why, you ask?

well, because i can't afford to have one of those awesome hard-bound books printed that you can order online.  so instead i'll have my inkjet printer and copy paper.  but you know what?  it works.

as i've been going back and copy/pasting all of my posts and comments, i'm amazed at how much i've changed.  when i first started blogging, buddy was only 9 months old.  now he's five, and i have a second child--princess, who is 3.  i've moved four times, once across the country.  i've been to who knows how many therapists, been on and off who knows how many medications.

the biggest change of all?  how i FEEL.

sure, i still struggle with depression occasionally.  but, it's OCCASIONALLY now, not every day.  i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on medication that actually works.  i saw a therapist that really helped.  My PTSD combined with the bipolar nearly ended my life--and now pretty much every symptom of PTSD is gone.  there are still some, and it still pops up unexpectedly, but it no longer rules my life.

i forgave my abuser.

i moved on.

my marriage is stronger, i think.  i'm more mature.  i graduated college with a 2-year degree--a huge accomplishment for me.  i can look at the world with eyes less jaded by mental illness and the lingering effects of abuse.

so what's the same?

i still struggle with self-esteem.  i still worry that i'm a horrible mom, that i'm screwing my kids up.  i still loathe the laundry and my house is rarely clean--and when it is, it's usually because hubby cleaned it.

i'm still a mother.  i still am IN LOVE with being a mother.  it's hard, and as my kids get older my role evolves.  but when i hold my now three year old baby girl in the middle of the night, and run my fingers through her hair, and dry her tears--i am filled with so much love i feel as if i might burst with it.

i'm still an artist, maybe even more so--because i try harder to make more time for it.  my little art journal is great.  it doesn't take a long time to get supplies ready, or for paint to dry, or to clean up--because let's face it, sharpies pretty much rock.

i still have a mental illness.  medication is miraculous, but it's still something that i'm learning about and overcoming.  so any of you out there who are in the boat i was in a few years ago, have hope.  look at how far i've come!  i know you can do it, too.

so cry, if you need to.  throw a pillow at the wall.  scream at the top of your lungs.  write pages and pages in your journal about how hard life is.  i did it.  but also know that there's someone out there who cares about what you're going through.  i do!  maybe i don't know you, maybe i never will.  but there is one thing about me that i hope never changes: i love everyone, people i have never met, people i haven't.  it takes a lot for me to dislike someone, and even more for me to hate someone.  and i truly care about people and their lives.

so when it gets hard, just tell yourself--"cornnut loves me.  she did it, so can i."

and remember this very cliche statement--"stars can't shine without darkness."  so even if your light is dim right now, it can get brighter.  just keep shining!

i wonder if any of my friends that commented on my blog so regularly are still out there, maybe reading.  so many women who supported me when i was at my lowest.  so if you're out there, i'd love to hear from you again.  thanks for pushing me through when i needed it.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

yeah i'm awesome because i have an awesome easel and that makes me awesome.

so for my birthday hubby and the kids got me a freaking awesome field easel.  it packs up all nice and small and fits in a canvas bag, and is super adjustable.  so look at how cool my easel is and ignore my messy house.  (in my defense, i have a three year old, a five year old and a husband.  plus i'm a crappy housekeeper, so there.) 

i was so excited about my freaking awesome easel that i suddenly became prolific in my art production.  i did a really difficult and time-consuming paint-by-number, which turned out pretty well.

then i was perusing pinterest and found this cool sketch done by picasso of a mother holding her child.  it was unfinished, but i loved it so much that i did an acrylic of it, and finished it in my own style.  i love the way it turned out (mostly) and it's now hanging in my entryway.

hubby asked me to paint something just for him, so for valentine's day i did this one.  he is studying applied cognition and neuroscience (if you just said "wait, what?" i feel ya.  big words.  he's studying the brain because he's a brainy brain lover.  hehe.)  so i looked at some brain scans and came up with this.  pretty cool, eh?

want to know what my next painting is?  well...YOU could decide!  because it could be for YOU!  so go enter my giveaway RIGHT NOW, because you KNOW you WANT TO!

what are you waiting for?  click here!  enter!  you won't regret it if you do, but you will regret it if you don't!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

pregnancy myths

so, remember those posts i did about pregnancy myths?  seems like a million years ago....i was preggers with my princess.  now she's three and a half, haha! 

someone sent me a link to this infographic and i thought it was pretty cool.  check it out!

Click to Enlarge Image

Pregnancy Myths - Brought To You By California Cryobank

it's very well done, in my opinion. 

what do you think?


 soooo.....this blog has been going since september of 2008.  that means i'm celebrating the 4 1/2 year birthday of my  precious blog.

and because i have 60-something followers that i LOVE i'm going to have a giveaway.  with TWO prizes!  TWO opportunities to WIN!  and who doesn't LOVE to WIN?

Prize #1:

An original acrylic painting by MOI on a wrapped 11x14 canvas--your choice of subject matter!  that's right, you pick what you want me to paint and we will work together to create a custom work of art just for YOU.

Prize #2:

your very own art journal, with a custom entry by MOI!  The one shown below is my own, I will get one similar for the WINNER!  The cover page I will do just for YOU, the WINNER!

So here's how to enter.

1. if you aren't already, become a follower of my blog.  
2. leave comments on two of my archived posts.  the farther back you go, the awesome-er!  (for every two comments you get an additional entry--with a limit of 5 entries.  that makes 10 comments.  although you are MORE than welcome to leave a comment on every single post if you wish!)
3. post about my blog and/or the giveaway on your facebook page, twitter, blog, etc. and link it back HERE!
4. post a comment here on this entry letting me know you have done the previous things, and VOILA!  not only are you an angel, but you are also entered to win.

want additional entries?  besides leaving me loads of comments?  here's how to do it!

1.  get an entry for every friend you refer that becomes a follower of my blog.
2.  get an entry for every friend you refer that posts about my blog/and or giveaway on their facebook, twitter, blog, etc. and links it back HERE!
3.  write me a short poem on why you deserve a painting i create using my mad artistic skills just for you.

so there you go.  a big giveaway.  i know i've been MIA for a year or so, i've been trying to post a lot more frequently....but it seems my loyal followers are MIA now, too.  show some love, leave me a comment, and WIN WIN WIN!

who knows, if i have enough entries, i just might add a few more prizes!

the deadline?  one week from today, March 19!

ready?  set....GO!

Thursday, March 7, 2013

missing you

two years ago today my grandma passed away.

i miss her every single day.

i love you, grandma.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013


the time just after the kids fall asleep and hubby is done studying is often the highlight of my day.  it's when i get to just relax and BE.  sometimes hubby and i watch netflix or play a game.  sometimes he surfs the internet while i read or draw, or he plays video games while i sit next to him and relax.

pretty much every night, though, i do at least one crossword.  hubby lovingly teases me and calls me an old lady, but hey--i won't be getting alzheimer's at a young age!

music is something that means so much to me.  i play the piano, and having music come from my fingers is something i don't take for granted.  listening to music really affects my mood.  it makes me happy, silly, sad, reflective, calm, or even angry.  but music, all kinds of music, can bring joy not only to me, but to everyone in the world.

 and, of course, the thing that relaxes me the most is sleep.  lots and lots of sleep.  long naps, short naps, cat naps, all night long...i LOVE to sleep!  and believe me, nothing helps you feel better about yourself and about your life than sleep.  it really does solve everything!

what do you do to relax?