i am stuck in a rut of depression. and i'm sick of it.
for the last week or so i've been really down. i don't have a reason to be, i just am. i'm tired all the time, i have no interest in doing anything, and if i could i'd just stay in bed all day and all night. last night, i went to bed at 7:30 and (minus the few times i got up with the baby) stayed there sleeping until 10:30 am. that's like 15 hours! it was FANTASTIC because i rarely sleep, but it was NOT fantastic because then i know i won't be able to sleep tonight. the sleep gods have decided i abused my new found ability to snooze and have now taken their blessings and good will away.
i'm sorry if i'm depressing the few of you that read my blog. because i really don't want to depress you. and i realize that my last few posts have not been happy or upbeat. please bear with me, this ugly cycle will turn again and i will soon be on top of the world. well, hopefully soon.
i just feel like my life is so...stagnant. my routine never changes. occasionally hubby and i will go out and do something, but never for very long. and ultimately i end up back at home, back in the same routine. pick up the house/avoid picking up the house. take care of the baby. go to work. watch tv. go to bed. toss and turn and sleep very little. get up in the morning and repeat. i have very little energy and i'm crabby a lot. when i do actually clean my house, i swear it takes twenty minutes and it's a mess again. so then i think, what's the point? i hate doing it, i have to force myself to do it anyway, and it takes every ounce of sanity i have. and then i come home from work and there are dishes all over, and toys all over, and the table is covered in stuff, and clothes all over the floor again. (i think there are trolls or evil gnomes or something that do it.)
so here i am complaining again. and i'm sure you don't want to listen to me complain. heck, i hate listening to me complain.
but now i'm off, back to work, and back to monotony.
any kind of good wishes, and good will, and prayers, and happy thoughts any of you feel like sending my way would be very much appreciated. i need to figure out a way to yank myself out of this hole i've dug. and at this point, i know i can't do it alone.