sigh. little buddy is asleep. baby is on her way to being asleep, and i am taking a much needed break. poor buddy has been crying and throwing fits all morning long....he didn't take a nap yesterday and i think maybe he's teething. poor kid. he's pretty difficult to deal with when he's like this, especially when i have an infant to take care of and nurse as well. at least he's finally taking a nap.
the past couple days have dragged on, going really slow. i'm not sure why but i am definitely ready for that to change. i miss hubby when he's at work and i get pretty lonely with just the kids for company, even though i'm constantly on my toes chasing a toddler and caring for an infant. i love them both so much but some days i just want to scream i get so tired and frazzled. but then i sit down with my little boy on my lap and he gives me a hug, or my baby smiles that toothless grin that lights up her whole face, her eyes scrunched up, and my heart melts and i am just so in love with being a mommy. i just try to remember those times when the days get hard and the tears and screaming start.
my depression has been a bit better over the past week, which i am grateful for. i am really trying hard not to let it get to me. i've been trying really hard to be a better wife and mother too although i tend to fail frequently. i want to be closer to hubby and i've really been working on that.
i wish there were a way to stop failing at the most important things. if i fail at the stupid little things, oh well i can deal with it. but it's so hard to know i come up short when it comes to my marriage, and showing my hubby that i love him and care for him, and when it comes to my kids. i find myself getting frustrated more easily than i'd like. i'm not very good at communicating my feelings (at least not nicely) and most times i'd rather sob hysterically and run away than deal with the issue.
some days i wish i could run away from my life, too. just take my family and go....to the beach, to a warmer climate, maybe hawaii or something. (maybe not hawaii. you can't drive there and hubby hates planes.) just relax, throw responsibilities out the window, and just BE. leave my past and my issues at home with the dishes and laundry and forget about everything but having fun. wouldn't that be nice? too bad the world doesn't work that way.
on a positive note, can you believe christmas is less than a month away? i ordered our christmas cards this morning. i'm way excited about it, too. 60 photo cards for $5.24, thanks to this fabulous freebies website. all i had to pay for was shipping. they have some awesome deals. i would highly recommend checking it out. it's called freebies for mom but you don't have to be a mom to take advantage of all the cool stuff they've got.
i hope you all had a great holiday weekend. i sure did, spending time with hubby and our extended families. and eating tons of FOOD! i just love thanksgiving dinner.