Showing posts with label child abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child abuse. Show all posts

Monday, April 1, 2013

national child abuse prevention month proclamation

NATIONAL CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION MONTH, 2013
 
- - - - - - -
 
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
 
A PROCLAMATION
 
America is a country where all of us should be able to pursue our own measure of happiness and live free from fear. But for the millions of children who have experienced abuse or neglect, it is a promise that goes tragically unfulfilled. National Child Abuse Prevention Month is a time to make their struggle our own and reaffirm a simple truth: that no matter the challenges we face, caring for our children must always be our first task.
 
Realizing that truth in our society means ensuring children know they are never alone -- that they always have a place to go and there are always people on their side. Parents and caregivers play an essential part in giving their children that stability. But we also know that keeping our children safe is something we can only do together, with the help of friends and neighbors and the broader community. All of us bear a responsibility to look after them, whether by lifting children toward their full potential or lending a hand to a family in need.
 
Our Government shares in that obligation, which is why my Administration has made addressing child abuse a priority. Since I took office, we have advocated for responsible parenting and invested in programs that can give our sons and daughters a strong start in life. I was also proud to sign measures into law that equip State and local governments with the tools to take on abuse, like the CAPTA Reauthorization Act and the Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act.
 
Together, we are making important progress in stopping child abuse and neglect. But we cannot let up -- not when children are still growing up looking for a lifeline, and not when more than half a million young people are robbed of their basic right to safety every year. So this month, let us stand up for them and make their voices heard. To learn more about ending child abuse and how to get involved, visit www.ChildWelfare.gov/Preventing.
 
NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim April 2013 as National Child Abuse Prevention Month. I call upon all Americans to observe this month with programs and activities that help prevent child abuse and provide for children's physical, emotional, and developmental needs.
 
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this
twenty-ninth day of March, in the year of our Lord two thousand thirteen, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-seventh.
 
BARACK OBAMA



and don't forget...it's monday!  wear blue!



Sunday, March 31, 2013

National Child Abuse Awareness Month

it's that time of the year again---april.  national child abuse awareness month.

join with me to pledge to STOP child abuse!  wear a blue ribbon in support.  when someone asks you what it's for--tell them!

1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys in the US will be sexually assaulted before they turn 18.  LET'S MAKE IT STOP!

Communication is key!  Communicate.  Educate.   Intervene.

and don't forget....
wear BLUE every monday in april.  that's tomorrow!



Tuesday, February 26, 2013

bucket list progress


awhile ago i posted some bucket list items here and here.

well....a few of those things have been checked off my list.  hard to believe, but it's true.


1.  get married in the Salt Lake City temple



August 25, 2006.  i married my best friend.

2.  become a mother




my sweet princess...the second time i became a mother.  
18 weeks in utero...2009.
i have the two most amazing children i could ask for.

3.  confront and forgive my abuser

4.  dye my hair black



october 2010.  i kind of miss it.  it made me feel exotic.  

5.  play Frank Lloyd Wright's piano 



may 2004.  i played "polonaise in G minor" by chopin.

6.  own red high heels



bought my first pair this month...february 2013.  i LOVE them.

7.  have my own gallery show.  even if it means building my own gallery in my backyard out of refrigerator boxes and inviting the neighbors.

8.  visit europe...paris, london, venice, florence, prague, rome.  at least.

9.  see a rothko, pollock, and klimt in person.


the first time i saw a rothko painting, on my birthday...december 30, 2012.  
i cried, it was so beautiful and i couldn't believe i was finally seeing one.




the first pollock i saw...happened to be the same day i saw an original rothko!  
it was amazing.

10.  feel beautiful.

11.  be able to sit for five minutes and feel nothing but peace...no worry, anxiety, depression.  just peace.

12.  watch my children grow up to be happy people.

13.  finish an associate's degree.  finish a bachelor's degree, maybe a graduate degree.  in art.  


graduated with an associate's of science with honors, may 2012 

14.  feel like a real artist...not an amateur pretending to be a real artist.

15.  have a room in my house that i can hang art prints all over, so when i'm depressed, i can walk into that room and be surrounded by joy.

16.  find out the secret to being happy.

17.  go to the smithsonian, moma, louvre, musee d'orsay and any other art museum i can get myself to.

18.  see a broadway play on broadway.

19.  fly.....

20.  watch a sunset that takes my breath away from beginning to end.

21.  write a book.

22.  learn to play clair de lune.  if not perfectly, then at least accurately.

23.  take more piano lessons.  get better at playing.  find time to practice.

24.  learn to make those around me happy.  with no reservations.

25.  speak another language passably.

26.  purchase an original work of art that i love.  buy a couch to match the art.  inform couch salesman that it is ridiculous to buy art to match a couch.  it should be done the other way around.

27.  paint something i am truly happy with, that i can look at without second guessing or critiquing.




this one is pretty close....january 2013.

28.  own a four-poster canopy bed.

29.  dress up in a regency ball gown.

30.  be a good person, wife, mother, daughter and friend.

31.  sleep under the stars on a clear night; learn to identify a few constellations.

32.  finish my kids' scrapbooks

33.  play roller derby

34.  mail something in to post secret

35.  put blue highlights in my hair

36.  own as many animals as i can--including a giant fishtank

37.  have another baby.  before i'm 30.

38.  inspire someone to do something great.

39.  figure out what i really believe about life and religion, without worrying about what anyone else thinks.  (this one is a work in progress.)

40.  hire a maid to clean my house top to bottom while i sit on the couch and read a magazine and drink an ice cold coke.  pretend i'm a millionaire.

41.  find new friends and be comfortable in our new home--we are moving cross-country in two months.  acclimate to a totally different region and culture of the US, and support my hubby in graduate school the way he needs and deserves. (this one is also a work in progress.)



Thursday, February 9, 2012

reflections of a blog in two parts: insight and history

doesn't that title make you think you're going to get some awesomely intelligent and insightful post?  hehe...fooled ya.  (maybe.)

i got an email today from cat, the doctoral student using my blog for her dissertation.  she asked me several questions about why i started blogging and how it has helped me.  before i knew it, i had written her a new copy of war and peace.  (go, me!)

and i really do know how to talk and talk and talk.  just ask my hubby.  he'd be happy to tell you how i never shut up. (and you can tell by the way i always put these extra parenthetical remarks at the end of most of my paragraphs that i just can't help myself.)

if you've been here with me from the beginning, or close to it, or have spent insane amount of time reading archives, you probably know the answers to these questions.  i'm not going to post what i wrote to her about when and why i started blogging.  (you can read more about that if you read my "about" page, the page called "my story," or the first month or two of my archives.  none of those are hyperlinked because they're on my sidebar and i'm to lazy to find the URLs for all of them.  sorry.)

but as for how it's helped me?

Blogging has most definitely been helpful, for several reasons.  Most of them selfish, I confess.  First, it's a great place to vent.  But not like venting to a journal.  I can vent on a blog, and someone else (maybe my best friend, maybe a complete stranger) can say, "hey!  Me too.  I understand."  I really felt (feel) listened to.  And every time someone leaves me a comment, I feel validated.  I feel worth something.  That is huge for me, when I've spent my whole life feeling worthless and invalidated.

It's also a great way of working through things.  I can go to my blog wound up so tight and so anxious I am hyperventilating, and leave twenty minutes later with a smile on my face.  It's a dumping ground.  I dump my baggage, I shut my computer and leave most of it there.  Talking about it really is helpful, but sometimes it's too hard or scary to say the words out loud.  Letting my fingers put it in print is not the same as voicing it.  I know it sounds strange, but maybe you understand.  Saying it makes it too real, almost like creating a tangible being with my words.  As if saying my abuser's name makes him appear before me.  It kind of does, actually, which might say something about me, I guess.  

A long time ago (when I was a teenager) I decided that if I had to live through hell, I might as well use it to make someone else's hell less terrifying.  I told a few people about what I was dealing with and found that several others had been through similar experiences.  Sharing mine helped them (and me) feel less alone, less isolated.  I perpetuated that with my blog, in a much broader sense.  Instead of telling a few select people in a very confidential way, I put it out on the internet for the whole world.  Granted, a lot of my readers don't know me, but almost everyone I know in real life has access to it as well, between twitter, facebook, my email, and word of mouth.  That was scary for me, but it was also liberating.  No more hiding anything.

The last reason is to raise awareness about childhood sexual abuse.  Telling people about it.  Talking about statistics.  Putting the facts out there, right in their faces, where they can see that the chances of their daughter being molested is 1 in 4--and more than likely by someone that they know and trust.  If my talking about it makes a difference for one child, it's a huge thing.  Not only for that child, and that child's family, but also for me.  It helps me to think that maybe I'm making a difference for someone else.  Maybe I'm saving one person from having to live through what I've lived through.

her third question.  she asked me to look back through my posts and choose one or more to talk about and tell her what inspired me to write it.  (i haven't responded to that question yet.)

i looked through my archives tonight.  i'm not kidding, either, when i tell you i went through three years of posts.  some of them i just skipped over.  most of them i read.  (well, mostly read.)

and i cried.

i cried for myself, mostly, because in reading these posts full of despair, and confusion, depression, isolation, fear, and helplessness, i saw a shadow of my current self.  the shadow that i fear still lurks under the surface, as i saw last week with the sudden reappearance of a nightmare.  i also cried because i'm so grateful that i'm not having multiple flashbacks a day.  because i'm relieved that i'm not constantly struggling with suicidal thoughts.  and i cried because when i started this blog, little buddy was a baby...and i watched as an outsider while he and princess grew up in my posts.  time passes so quickly.

while i read through all of these posts, i saw comments from readers that i have missed, others whose blogs i felt a connection to.  friends...other survivors.  i miss them.  is that weird?  people i have never met, don't really know, but felt such a strong connection to.  (i swear sometime soon i am going to find their blogs again.  or are you reading, enola?  vicki?  bev?  patricia?  tara?  paula?  cheryl?  and a hundred others?)

it's been a roller coaster tonight.  but i think i narrowed it down to a few that i'd like to think about further.

the post about my teddy bear (which happens to be my most popular post as far as views goes...interesting)

a post about my nightmares

one of the art therapy activities i did, my life's road

lessons from a sparrow

a chapter closing

(guess i'm not too lazy to find those URLs....haha!)

what do you think?  do you have a favorite post?  those of you who have been around for a long time, even those of you who haven't, let me know which posts you like/love/hate or really speak to you.  or the ones that i better not talk about. 

totally random and unrelated sidenote: had to watch some stupid video today for my computer class about how to start a blog on blogger, upload media, create posts and use blog features.  i laughed.  then i aced the quiz.  (go, me!  again.)

Saturday, February 4, 2012

it comes again

two nights ago, something happened that hasn't happened in a long time.

i woke up shaking in terror...a nightmare.

nightmares aren't really that unusual for anyone.  for the past year or so my nightmares have been mildly disturbing, creating the occasional night of restless sleeping and disorientation that comes with the end of the dream.  i recover from them quickly and forget about them almost immediately.

two nights ago, that didn't happen.  i had another nightmare related to my abuse.  this one was different, though.  it didn't feature my abuser or the actual abuse in the way previous nightmares did.  it was mostly about one specific place.

places have been strongly linked to my memory.  my flashbacks and memories were not typically of events, but rather of the places the events occurred.  for example, i had a frequent flashback that was a single image: a camping site that my family visited almost every year as a child.  even now i see it in my mind's eye, almost like a photograph.  (i am happy to say that this image does not cause me panic or anxiety anymore.)  i thought i had put all of it behind me.  as with everything else, however, there are always setbacks, struggles, and frustrations that come up periodically.

this place...it was the basement of my grandparents' house when i was a kid.  the place where much of the abuse i experienced occurred.  in my nightmare, i was at this house.  i told someone if i had the choice i would torch the house and watch it go up in flame.  later, for some reason, i had to go into the basement.....forcing myself to stop every few stairs in order to calm down and keep going.  when i reached the end of the stairs, there was a door to the bathroom (not where it was actually located in their house).  in my nightmare, i had an anxiety attack.  i made it past the door, into the main room, but i was crying, shaking.  i was alone.  i was terrified.  i could hear my husband talking to someone upstairs...asking where i'd gone.  when he realized where i was, he was upset i'd gone by myself, knowing it was hard for me.  then (in the odd, disjointed nature of dreams) he was there, in the basement, holding a baby.  (i knew it was our baby somehow.)  i turned around and there was a strange man behind me.  the man tried to attack me and pushed me up against a wall.  my husband saved me.  then they were both gone.  i was alone again.  i turned in a circle, seeing the whole basement, the laundry room that was always kind of scary when i was a kid, the stairway to the backyard that always had spiders in it, bedrooms.  playrooms.  the bathroom.  and i panicked.  i screamed. 

my daughter woke me up from the dream.  she cried one word.  "mommy!"  really loudly...then nothing.  she either did it in her sleep, or fell asleep again immediately after.  at the time i was alone, hubby at work, and i was suddenly scared of the dark, afraid to go downstairs, afraid to get out of my bed.  i was a helpless, scared and lonely little girl again, which is a feeling i do NOT like.  in fact, i HATE that feeling.  it is attached to almost every dark moment in my life.  luckily i was able to reach hubby immediately on the phone, and he got home shortly after to hold my hand and comfort me.

last night i turned the light on in my closet because i didn't want to be in the dark.  i couldn't sleep.  i make myself anxious thinking about how tired i am but how much i don't want to have nightmares.  i was scared and lonely again.  around midnight my little girl woke up crying about something...perfect excuse for me.  i brought her into my bed, and she immediately curled her warm little body against my side.  feeling her next to me, listening to her even breaths, i was able to relax.  even feel a little bit of contentment.  and i immediately fell asleep.

i've learned a few things about myself the past few days.  i will never really get past this abuse completely, although i view this as a minor hiccup in my journey.  (considering it's been about a year since i've had one of these, when they used to happen nightly, is a pretty awesome thing.)  i don't like being alone anymore.  my family can tell you that when i was a kid, that's all i wanted--to be alone.  now, i want my husband.  i want my children.  sometimes i want to be alone, but usually i want a hand to hold, a cheek to kiss, a hug, a shoulder to lay my head on.  just a simple physical touch has the power to make me feel safe and happy now.  before it was almost threatening at times when i was in this kind of situation.  i still, however, have a very difficult time verbalizing my nightmares...like i literally cannot form words to describe it, even when i physically try to force myself.  the words won't come.  writing them, however, is possible. 

so here i am again, on my blog, my place to expel the hurt and fear and nightmares inside me.  my husband is here to hold me, my children are here to give me sloppy kisses on the cheek, the love of my family to keep me safe.  and my blog to let me release it all.

tonight i think i'll sleep better.  without the light on in the closet.  (the baby might end up with me again...but mostly because i love that soft little head and the way she clings to me when she sleeps.)

thank you, hubby, for being there for me when i'm at my worst....thank you, little ones, for loving me even though i may be the most imperfect mother ever...thank you, family, for sticking with me for 26 years of crazy....and thank you, readers, for listening.

.....relief.

goodnight.

side note: i feel compelled to say that while this house held so much horror for me, i also have so many good memories of it.  that is part of the trouble i faced in therapy: feeling such mixed feelings about a place.  i remember the most horrible experiences of my life in that house...but i also remember sleepovers, watching scamper the penguin, my grandmother making tuna sandwiches with lettuce and fried eggs.  playing in the pasture and garden.  pink flamingos, climbing the tree in the front yard, finding fuzzy caterpillars.  riding my pony.  birthday parties and holidays.  playing in my grandma's jewelry box.  the transformers.  the play kitchen in the basement.  the time one of my uncles gave me a crybaby to see me make a sour face and how disappointed he was when i liked it.  rolling on the waterbed in my grandparents' room.  the mustardy/olive green bathtub and sink in the bathroom....playing on grandma's piano.  cutting up old copies of "redbook" to make collages.  easter egg hunts, visits from santa, family dinners.  eating hamburger patties with nothing but ketchup on them, no buns.  the brown couches with blue flowers and birds on them.  the hot tub.  watermelon on the back porch....more than a decade of memories.  i am glad i am able to compartmentalize them now.  i can think about their house, the campsite, my childhood bedroom, and remember the good things without worrying about the bad.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

i'm a survivor

i've been thinking a lot lately.

(i know...i can almost hear the "oh, great"s and eye rolling that must be going on.  at least from hubby, who teases me about the phrase because it almost always involves me asking for money or changing plans or something to that effect.)

the truth is...i've been thinking about myself, about who i am, who i've become, and what i've been through.  where i am now.

i miss my blog.  but i'm having a hard time coming up with things to write about, or time to write it in.  take now, for instance.  what do i write about?  while my children are pretty much amazing and my husband definitely has the hottest rear end in the world, i'm sure the rest of you don't want to hear about just that.  and due to neglect, i don't even know how many readers i have left.  (so if you're reading this, thanks.)

there have been a lot of changes in my life, especially within the last six months.  many of which i'm not at liberty to discuss, whether out of respect for others they concern or a desire for privacy.  it's kind of been a hard six months in a lot of ways, but also good in that i feel like i'm climbing out of the hole.

i saw a new doctor, which is good.  i hadn't seen a med doctor for far too long because our insurance changed and i didn't want to look for one.  (i HATE seeing new doctors...rehashing the history...trying to get comfortable and trust them...especially in situations like mine, where there is a ton of very uncomfortable history to deal with.)  my therapist recommended one, however, and so i finally called and made an appointment.  it was long overdue.  the doctor i'd seen previously told me that i wasn't bipolar, i just had a hormone imbalance.  she put me on progesterone and a bunch of supplements and told me everything would be better.  things did get better for awhile, but not by a whole lot.  then (stupid me) i stopped taking the progesterone.  bad idea.  i went back on it....did a little better....still had issues.  big, angry, sobbing, mood-swinging issues.  suffice it to say, my family wanted to throw me out the window.

new doctor tried very hard not to roll his eyes and very tactfully told me while he didn't have all of the information my previous doctor had, he found it very difficult to believe that i had a progesterone deficiency.  (i pretty much got the feeling he thought she was an idiot.)  he then proceeded to tell me that from everything he had heard it was very likely i'd been dealing with bipolar disorder since the age of approximately 13, if not sooner.  combine that with the PTSD and typical teenage angst, it's no wonder i had so many issues.

so....double the dose of my mood-stabilizer (lamictal) and add in an SNRI (effexor), life is sunshine and roses again.  i'm happier and have more energy than i've had in who knows how long (if ever).  hubby even told me to tell my doctor at my follow-up that he doesn't want to strangle me anymore.  (this news was met with relief....both on my part and that of my doctor, who wasn't quite sure how to handle it, heehee.)

only problem...side effects.  stupid, horrible, nasty, hateful side effects.  headaches.  dizzyness.  more headaches.  fatigue.  (more energy and fatigue...go figure.  but it's happening.)  yawning.  (i know, weird, right?)  and headaches.  since i already suffer from debilitating migraines, the daily headaches are not well-received.  i am hoping that they will start getting better soon.  apparently one in ten patients on these meds experience headaches.  yuck.

so where was i going with this?  oh yeah....blog.  life changes.  all that.  back to the blog.

i got an email several months ago from a doctoral student at purdue (personal blog here), who is doing her dissertation (professional portfolio here) on trauma and blogging.  my blog was one of several she's chosen to use in her studies.  i'm really excited about this.  it made me really analyze my blog and the purpose it has served.

first, as an outlet to me.  a really important one.  when trauma made it physically impossible to speak...i literally could not get words out....my fingers would still function on a keyboard.

when i needed someone to listen, i had a whole network of fellow survivors, family, and friends.  people who were there for me, who really understood what i was saying, because they've lived it, too.

i also have a place that encompasses me.  maybe someday, in thirty or forty or fifty years, this blog will still be out there for people to read, maybe even my children. 

my story has provided hope for others.  this is so humbling to me.  i decided a long time ago that if i had to live through hell, i might as well make it worth something.  so i took my personal hell and put it out there for the whole world to see, hoping that someone else out there would read it and feel not so alone.  since i started this blog in 2008, i have received so many comments and emails from people telling me thank you, that they have hope for themselves because of my healing, that they don't feel so isolated.  isolation is a terrifying place to be....so if i can offer one person a feeling of connection, then that is pretty amazing to me.

it's been a kind of documentation of my healing.  the ups and downs.  the moments of blackest despair, when i wasn't even sure life was worth living, when i was convinced i would never be happy again.  the days where i was content, the nights of anxiety and fear, the help i got in therapy.  the participation in blog carnivals and groups, research on child abuse, the ability to think and feel.  and, ultimately, the regaining of my strength and power, the taking back of myself from my abuser.

so here i am.  i don't believe my journey of healing will ever really end, but having put most of the abuse behind me, i have myself to deal with.  my lack of self-esteem, the bipolar disorder and the impulsiveness and mood-swings that come with it.  medication, therapy, doctors....a lot more future to deal with, even though i've got twenty-six years of past behind me.

four years ago i never, in a million years, could have predicted i'd be right here, sitting at my kitchen table, having lived through everything i have.  three years i ago i never would have seen the happiness i've found in the past few weeks.  two years ago i would have had a panic attack just thinking about approaching my abuser.  one year ago i was really dealing with the abuse....

....and now here i am.  imperfect.  flawed.  but optimistic.  cautiously happy.  hopeful.  still struggling with wrapping my head around this bipolar thing, but i've accepted it.  i don't like it, but i accept it.  i'm still kind of embarrassed by it, even though it's not my fault, but that's a discussion for another day.

my name is cornnut.  i'm twenty-six years old, i'm a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a blogger, an artist, a student, a pianist, and a survivor.  because i truly have survived.

(now you can go sing that destiny's child song, because i know you're all hearing it in your heads.)

(and if you made it this far into this horrendously long and rather disjointed blog post, thanks.)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Guest Post: Identifying Abuse Among Students

A little while ago, I was contacted by a fellow blogger asking to guest post.  Allison Gamble is a writer on EducationalPsychology.net,  a website dedicated to "the study of the social, ethical, and cognitive development of students as they progress from children to adult learners."  Allison asked to write a post about identifying abuse among students, geared toward teachers.  I was very enthusiastic about the idea, and Allison has done a great job with this post.

While the article was written for teachers in a classroom setting, I believe the information she's given also applies to church leaders, youth group leaders, day care providers, sports coaches and club leaders as well--anyone in a position to teach or care for children that are not their own.

Please enjoy!  And take a peek at EducationalPsychology.net as well!


A Quick Guide to Identifying Abuse Among Students

Classroom teachers are uniquely positioned to help children suffering from abuse at home. It's important to be alert to signs of abuse so students can receive the help they need. While child abuse is a sensitive subject and you may worry about intervening, by reporting suspected abuse cases you help ensure students' safety, and nothing is more important than that. To identify and report cases of abuse, you should be learn about warning signs and what the reporting requirements and procedures are for your area.

Physical signs of abuse may already be familiar to you. Unusual or unexplained injuries, such as bruising or even broken bones, should raise red flags. If a child is frequently ill or injured, this may be cause for concern. This is particularly so if a child has an illness, injury, or ailment and
has not received treatment despite parents' or guardians' knowledge of this condition.

Often abuse is reflected in terms of educational psychology, and can be seen in children's behavior. Sudden changes in behavior or academic performance are classic signs of abuse. If an outgoing student becomes withdrawn, or a particularly bright student is having trouble completing assignments or focusing, these may be signs. Abused children may be withdrawn or passive, or have learning difficulties aside from those related to specific known causes. They also may appear jumpy or on-edge. Abused children may arrive early or stay late at school or say they don't like to go home from school. These kinds of statements indicate a child doesn't consider home safe.

Parental behavior can also indicate abuse. If parents seem to think their children are wholly bad or lack redeeming qualities, this is cause for concern. Abusive parents may be emotionally distant from their children, rarely touching or speaking to them. They may refer to their children in a derogatory manner or say they don't like their child. If parents recommend unnecessarily harsh punishments or show unrealistic behavioral or academic expectations of their children, these can also be warning signs.

There are many kinds of abuse, including physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, and emotional maltreatment. All of the warning signs could indicate one or more of these types of abuse. If you suspect a child is being abused, the best thing you can do is to continue to provide a safe and supportive learning environment and alert authorities.

Every state has an agency charged with overseeing child welfare. If you need to report a potential abuse case, contact your state's agency or the local police. In contacting authorities, you don't need to know the specifics of when or how a child was abused, but it is helpful to have details of when you first noticed signs and why you were concerned. This kind of information can help agents assess how acute the risk to the child's safety could be.

In deciding whether or not to report a suspected case of abuse, keep in mind that you may be legally obligated to report any suspected abuse. Even if not, helping protect the children in your charge should certainly be considered a moral obligation. Taking the time to learn warning signs of child abuse and look over reporting procedures will prepare you to address potential cases among your students. While in an ideal world no students would be abused, the sad reality is that all teachers will likely encounter cases of abuse. Plan ahead, and you can help ensure the safety and well-being of your students.

Allison Gamble has been a curious student of psychology since high school. She brings her understanding of the mind to work in the weird world of internet marketing.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Educating Our Communities is the Key to Preventing Child Sexual Abuse

Introduction

Before reaching their eighteenth birthdays, one in every five girls and one in every seven boys in the United States are sexually abused. Most are abused by family members, friends, neighbors, and others who they know (Sax 24-25). In 1994, the federal government passed litigation titled The Jacob Wetterling Crimes against Children and Sexually Violent Offender Registration Act that set in motion the creation of a Sex Offender Registry in each state (DiNubile 110). Since 1994, changes have been made to this bill with the passing of “Megan’s Law” in 1996 and the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act in 2006 (“National Conference of State Legislatures,” par. 10-14). Opponents of the registry believe that providing the personal information of registered sex offenders to the public lulls them into the belief that they are safe from potential threats of sexual abuse (Freeman-Longo 117). Ignorance is the reason behind these beliefs. The best way to get the public to use the Sex Offender Registry appropriately and keep their children safe is to educate them about child sexual abuse: who potential abusers are and how to keep their children from being hurt. As parents and community members, one of the most important things we can do is maintain peace and safety within our families and neighborhoods.


The Problem of Child Sexual Abuse

Chances are, you or someone you love has been a victim of child sexual abuse. Commonly held beliefs tell us to teach our children about “stranger danger,” and what to do if someone you don’t know approaches you or tries to entice you into doing something you shouldn’t. Reality, however, is that our children face threats from the people they know, trust, and respect. Using the Sex Offender Registry is important and provides us with the names, photographs and addresses of convicted sex offenders in our neighborhoods. This information is helpful, making us aware of potential threats to our children. If your next door neighbor, for example, is a registered sex offender, you will not allow your children to spend time in their home or around your neighbor unsupervised. This reaction to the knowledge you gained by checking the registry could quite possibly save your child from being hurt. Unfortunately, this knowledge is not enough.

According to one study done by psychiatrist Gene Abel in the 1980s, child sexual abusers have only a three percent chance of getting caught (Sax 24). The Justice Department tells us that up to 96% of child sexual abusers are people our children know (Sax 25). Based on these statistics, it is even more likely that the person to abuse your child will (a) be someone you as a parent know and trust, (b) be someone your child spends a lot of time with, (c) be someone you would never suspect to be sexually abusive, and (d) have no prior convictions.

With these scary facts, how do we keep our children safe? There are a few things we can do, but the most important and far-reaching solution is to educate the general public about child sexual abuse. If they know what it is and when it can occur, then they can take the necessary steps to prevent it from happening. If we do not educate our family members, friends, and neighbors, then child sexual abuse will continue to happen. If we do not educate our children, then they will be confused and not know what to do if they are ever faced with an abusive situation.


Education Prevents Abuse from Occurring

The best way to educate the people around us is simple: talk. If you are reading this proposal, you already know how prevalent child sexual abuse is and where the threat is likely to come from. Tell your best friend. Tell your babysitter. Tell your neighbor, the people you go to church with, your child’s teacher and parents of your child’s friends and classmates. The more we talk, the more information we spread, the more likely it is that those we come into contact with will be better prepared to prevent abuse from happening to their children.

Our communities provide a number of resources to educate others. Many Departments of Corrections have printable pamphlets on their Sex Offender Registry websites that can be passed around. This pamphlet is formatted to be easily printable on one sheet, and the department asks that we take advantage of it and pass it to our civic groups, community organizations, boys and girls clubs and classrooms (“Department of Corrections, Community Awareness Fliers,” par. 1). The flier is titled “Questions About Sex Offenders in Our Communities.” While this flier refers specifically to registered sex offenders, it is good information to have.

Prevent Child Abuse USA have local groups dedicated to prevention and awareness. These groups offer classes and presentations for free, in both English and Spanish. These programs are designed to be taught in schools, families, community groups or church groups (“Prevent Child Abuse, Prevention Programs,” par. 1).

The internet provides a wealth of information. Blogs, prevention and awareness websites, news articles, YouTube videos, and a hundred other resources are available twenty four hours a day. Take thirty minutes and read a prevention article, take five and watch a YouTube video. You will be amazed at what you learn and how you can apply your knowledge to keep your children safe. Thirty minutes is worth keeping your child from a lifetime of unhappiness as a victim of child abuse. While you’re at it, take an extra five minutes and email the information to your coworkers, family and friends, and post it on your blog or Facebook page. This will provide education and awareness to countless people.

In spite of everything you do, your child may still come into contact with an abuser. Unless we keep our children locked in our homes, it is impossible to keep them from all potential threats. The best way to combat this is teach them how to handle unwanted advances from an abuser. This information is available in books, on the internet, and from community groups like Prevent Child Abuse Utah. It is important that we teach this information to even the youngest of children, usually beginning about age two or three. Tailor your teaching to their level of understanding without scaring them (Sax 51-53). For example, if you have a 3-5 year old, teach them the names of their body parts and how to distinguish between “good” and “bad” touches. Teach them how to say no to unwanted “bad” touches, and how to approach a trusted grown-up for help. Tell them that these touches may come from someone they know and love, but that it is still wrong. As they get older they will understand more and the information you provide can go into more depth. The most important part of teaching your children how to handle these situations is to talk about it frequently—and role play. Give your child the chance to practice saying no. Frequently children who have been taught about abuse but have not been given the chance to practice responding to it will become tongue-tied and freeze. Just like learning a sport or singing a song, the ability to respond appropriately requires practice and continued discussions (Cooper and King 87-110).

When hiring a babysitter, double check references. Pay attention to warning signs, even if it is nothing other than an uncomfortable feeling. If your child is spending alone time with an adult, take precautions. Talk to this adult about where they will be going and suggest a public place. Don’t allow your children to be isolated with an adult or older child. Make sure you have the opportunity to drop in—and do so. Let this person spending time with your child know you understand what abuse is. While this is extremely forward, it may be the very action that will scare a potential abuser into leaving your child alone (“Darkness to Light, Step Two,” par. 4).


The Costs and Benefits of Sharing Information

What is the cost of passing information? Absolutely nothing. A discussion with your friend or sister does not cost any money, and only ten minutes of your time. Even internet or phone use potentially costs you nothing. Both are available for free at your local library, another great source of information. The benefits are astronomical. Protecting your child, keeping them safe from predators, truly is priceless. If you choose to look at it monetarily, you will be saving thousands of dollars in medical care and therapy, court costs, and possibly even funeral costs. While extremely rare, it is possible that death may be the result of your child being sexually assaulted. In sharing the information and educating those around you, you are providing them with the same benefits. There is no reason why we as a community shouldn’t take the initiative to educate those around us.


Conclusion

Education is the key to prevention. It is what raises awareness, from the personal, family, and community levels to even broader state, national, and worldwide levels. Without accurate information, none of us is equipped to protect our children and teach them how to protect themselves from potential threats. If each of us sets a goal to talk to five people, then those five talk to another five people, etc., just think how far-reaching our words may go. Think about how many children may be saved from the terrifying experience statistics say they will endure. Together we can reduce those statistics. Together we can share knowledge and prevent child sexual abuse.

Works Cited

Cooper, Gregory M. and Michael R. King. Predators: Who They Are and How to Stop Them. Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 2007. Print.

Darkness to Light. “7 Steps to Protecting Our Children.” Darkness to Light: End Child Sexual Abuse. Darkness to Light, N.d. Web. 5 July 2011.

DiNubile, Suzanne D. “Community Notification Laws Protect Children From Child Molesters.” Child Abuse: Opposing Viewpoints. Ed. Louise I. Gerdes. Farmington Hills, MI: Greenhaven Press, 2003. 109-114. Print.

Freeman-Longo, Robert E. “Community Notification Laws are Unjust.” Child Abuse: Opposing Viewpoints. Ed. Louise I. Gerdes. Farmington Hills, MI: Greenhaven Press, 2003. 115-121. Print.

National Conference for State Legislatures. NCSL Summary P.L. 109-248 (HR 4472) Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006. National Conference for State Legislatures. National Conference of State Legislatures, March 2007. Web. 5 July 2011.

Sax, Robin. Predators and Child Molesters: What Every Parent Needs to Know to Keep Kids Safe. Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 2009. Print.

Resources

If you would like more information regarding child sexual abuse prevention and awareness, please visit these sources:

Darkness To Light

Website dedicated to educating communities about preventing child sexual abuse.

http://www.d2l.org/

National Children’s Alliance

Call the Children’s Advocacy Center nearest you for a referral to a local support group or therapist specializing in child sexual abuse. All calls are confidential and callers can remain anonymous.

1-800-239-9950

Email: info@nca-online.org

Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN)

RAINN has an automated service that links callers to the nearest rape crisis center. All calls are confidential and callers can remain anonymous.

1-800-656-4673

www.rainn.org

The Sex Offender Registry Protects Our Children from Sex Offenders, Provides Important Information to Parents

Introduction

In 1994, The Jacob Wetterling Crimes against Children and Sexually Violent Offender Registration Act was passed by congress (DiNubile 110). This Act required all states to establish a registry for sex offenders containing information that was to be accessible to the public. It was named after an eleven-year-old boy who was kidnapped in 1989, and who has not been found. In October of 1996, the first amendment to this act, called “Megan’s Law,” was passed. Megan Nicole Kanka, a seven-year-old girl in New Jersey, was lured into her neighbor’s home where she was brutally raped and murdered in 1994. Her neighbor had previously served time in prison on two counts of aggravated sexual assault of a child. This amendment required states to provide notification services to the general public, informing them of the addresses of convicted sex offenders. The Kanka family’s mission statement is: “Every parent should have the right to know if a dangerous sexual predator moves into their neighborhood” (Sax 37-8). By the required implementation of this act in 1997, every state had a registry. Many states placed the registries online, while others required the public to go into the local police department to obtain the list. Each state’s requirements varied; both the information collected and posted as well as the required amount of time to register was subjective (Freeman-Longo 121).

In 2006, The Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act was passed and signed by President Bush. This legislation created a national sex offender registry. It also provided uniform standards for the states to use in collecting information to put on their own registries. It created three tiers of classification for sex offenders based on their crimes. The length of time required to register and frequency of registration is determined based on which tier they are placed in. Tier three offenders who are guilty of crimes punishable of greater than one year in prison that consist of sexual abuse or sexual aggravated abuse, sexual abuse involving a minor younger than 13 years of age, kidnapping a minor (excluding kidnappers who are parents or guardians), or any offense committed after a tier two classification, are required to register for life and must register every three months. Tier two offenders are convicted of crimes punishable by greater than one year in prison and are comparable to sex trafficking, coercion and enticement, transportation with intent to engage in criminal sexual activity, abusive sexual contact, using a minor in a sexual performance, soliciting a child for use in prostitution, or creating or using child pornography, are required to register for 25 years and update their information every six months. Tier one offenses include everything not covered in tiers two and three, are required to update information once yearly and register for 15 years (“National Conference of State Legislatures,” par. 10-14). This act also dictated sentencing for offenders who are non-compliant and offers federal assistance in locating and apprehending those who fail to comply. In addition to these stipulations, the registries are now required to be put on the internet with a structure and search capabilities similar to the national registry (“NCSL,” par. 15).

Objections to the Sex Offender Registry

Opponents of the Sex Offender Registry believe that these laws are an emotional response to crime, rather than being based on research that scientifically proves that public access to this information will make a difference in correcting the problem and reducing the crime (Freeman-Longo 118). It invites further violence, sometimes to innocent people when the registries are not updated. Maintaining the data is time-consuming, overly simplistic and inadequate. Public monitoring to ensure offender compliance is not effective as states do not have the financial means to fund enough resources to implement it properly (Freeman-Longo 118). There is also a lot of debate regarding the constitutionality of the registry. Placing private information and descriptions of crimes committed online where anyone in the world can access it is unnecessary, they say. It is a punitive measure not protected by the constitution and causes discrimination in housing and employment. Another argument against the registry is that it violates the “ex post facto” clause. This clause states that once an offender is sentenced, the punishment for the crime cannot be increased. The registry, however, includes the names and information of all sex offenders, even those convicted prior to its implementation in 1997 without informing them (DiNubile 110).

Another argument used against the Sex Offender Registry states that it creates a false sense of security among the public. The nature of the law leads people to believe they are safer knowing where offenders live, while safety is more than knowing this information. Others are anxious knowing they live near offenders, and this can create panic and neighborhood-wide mayhem. The sale of a house may be difficult or even impossible if a sex offender lives nearby. Much of this is unnecessary in their opinion, especially because so many of the address posted on registries are inaccurate, because of data being entered incorrectly, an offender failing to update an address or an offender purposefully providing wrong information (Freeman-Longo 117). In releasing the address and descriptions of crimes committed, victims can also be harassed and their identities made known.

Because of the embarrassment and ostracism those opposed to the registry believe a registered offender receives, poor decisions are made. Plea-bargains are made more often in which the crime is lessened to a non-sexual one. Juvenile offenders are not reported because parents, mentors, and social workers don’t want someone so young to be placed on this list for life (Freeman-Longo 121).


The Value of the Sex Offender Registry Outweighs the Objections

I find the arguments given by those who oppose the Sex Offender Registry to be, at best, grasping at straws. The opposition states that the advent of the registry is an emotional response to crime. How is the public supposed to respond to a sex crime occurring against a child? Should we as citizens respond coldly, logically, without any kind of emotion? When a child is raped, fondled, or forced into a sexual adult situation without their consent, parents are going to be angry. It is impossible to remove emotion from that kind of a situation. The Sex Offender Registry is not designed to prevent future crimes, nor does it imply that any registered offender will reoffend (Grafman, par.1). Every registry in the country is required to list several disclaimers. The State Sex Offender Registry says: “The information contained on this site does not imply listed individuals will commit a specific type of crime in the future, nor does it imply that if a future crime is committed by a listed individual what the nature of that crime may be and the Department makes no representation as to any offender's likelihood of re-offending” (“Department of Corrections,” par. 5). If a crime is prevented, that’s great—but not the purpose of the registry. In reality, if I am aware that a member of my church congregation is a registered sex offender, I’m never going to allow my child to be alone with him, and I will inform others within the congregation of the dangers posed to their children. Will this prevent a crime from occurring? In the case of my child, it is likely that it will. Will he abuse someone else’s child? Perhaps. Statistics may say otherwise, but when you look on a personal level, the truth is that my knowledge may have prevented my child from being hurt.

Vigilante justice is a concern, but in comparison to our children’s safety it is a minor issue (DiNubile 113). In my opinion it is not “caused” by the Sex Offender Registry. Who is more likely to commit a crime against an offender: a random person who accessed the registry, or the family and friends of one of his victims? The offender will already be known to the victim’s family, and his address and other personal information is accessible via the internet or phone book. If a person is afraid of retaliation, harassment and ostracism, they shouldn’t have sexually abused a child to begin with. In addition to the disclaimer regarding future crimes and prevention, state registries also address harassment and vigilante justice. Each state has a law that says something like this: “Members of the public are not allowed to use the information [in the registry] to harass or threaten offenders or members of their families; and harassment, stalking, or threats against offenders or their families are prohibited and doing so may violate criminal laws” (“DC, ” par. 7).

Prior to the passing of the Adam Walsh Act in 2006, the financial burden of maintaining the Sex Offender Registry and enforcing compliance fell on the states (Freeman-Longo 116). This act, however, provided several federal grants to states to assist in maintaining the program, including funds for local law enforcement, website programmers, and data entry personnel. The government also provides aid from federal law enforcement agencies to assist in locating and apprehending non-compliant, dangerous sex offenders (“NCSL,” par. 16). I would prefer that my taxes be used for the protection of my children, instead of paying for bonuses for legislators or other frivolous items.

Time and again our great nation’s Supreme Court has upheld the constitutionality of the Sex Offender Registry. In 2002, the Supreme Court reviewed a decision made by the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals regarding an Alaskan Sex Offender Registration Statute. The Ninth Circuit stated that the “punitive” statute violated the “ex post facto” clause of the Constitution, saying that requiring offenders who were convicted prior to the creation of the registry should not have to be included. The Ninth Circuit stated that providing this information on the internet does not limit dissemination to those to whom the offender may be of concern, as the information can reach anyone in the world. This is beyond what is necessary to promote public safety, they said, and exposes registrants to personal and professional damage and worldwide ostracism (DiNubile 113). A similar case in Utah that appeared before the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals was handled in an entirely different matter. The Tenth Circuit states that internet notification represents a technical extension, not a “sea change,” in our nation’s history. They stated that the farther removed a person is from an offender’s community, the less likely they will have an interest in accessing the information. The Tenth circuit states that the registry is not punitive, a decision upheld by the Supreme Court (DiNubile 109-110). In reviewing the Alaska case, Smith v. Doe, the Supreme Court decided that requiring an offender to register with the state does not extend a sentence because the registration itself is non-punitive. Because the registry states that harassment is illegal, the offender is not being punished. In a similar case titled Connecticut Department of Public Safety v. Doe, the Supreme Court stated that registration is not a deprivation of liberty. They also determined that an assessment of an offender’s current threat of danger is not necessary prior to registration (Rowan 74).

Opponents of the registry state that the information provided to the public lulls them into a false sense of safety, then turn around and say the information causes community-wide panic and terror (Freeman-Longo 120). How can one feel both safe and terrorized? Logically this does not make sense. If the public does, in fact, believe themselves and their children to be safe simply knowing where an offender lives, then they need to be educated. There are countless resources online, in print, and from local law enforcement and child protection agencies that can be easily accessed twenty-four hours a day to provide such information. It is easy to understand that registered sex offenders are not the only threats, and that most offenders have not been caught. It is also easy to understand that most threats come from family and friends, acquaintances and neighbors. If the public is informed of these facts, they will not believe just knowing a registered offender’s location will keep their children safe. Education is the key to preventing panic as well.

As of 2002, there were more than 700 (46%) of registered sex offenders in St. Louis, Missouri who did not live at the addresses posted on the registry, while approximately 285 offenders released from prison never made it on the list at all (Freeman-Longo 119-120). Those who do not agree with the registry use this type of information to fuel their arguments, stating that misinformation is damaging to the public. I agree that misinformation is not acceptable, and so does the federal government. The Adam Walsh Act of 2006 provides assistance in making sure the information is correct by offering aid to state and local law enforcement agencies (“NCSL,” par. 16). There are standards that must be maintained by the state in order to receive federal grants, which provides increased motive to make sure the information is as accurate as possible. We as citizens also have a responsibility to provide any knowledge we have to the state in maintaining accurate information. If you are aware of a non-compliant offender, report it. If you live in a home whose address is listed on the registry but you are not an offender, report it. If you are a victim or family member of an offender and he or she is not in compliance, take the initiative and provide the information to the authorities. I have done it more than once. A victim of sexual abuse myself, I keep tabs on my abuser. Twice in the last five years he has not been compliant. Because the offender is a member of my extended family, it is easy for me to access accurate information about his place of residence. Having reported this information to the local Department of Corrections, they were able to locate him and update the information on the state’s registry. As a parent, I frequently check the registry for sex offenders in my neighborhood. I am a resident at a large apartment complex. This complex runs background checks on all residents and excludes any type of convicted felon from living here—especially sex offenders. Last year, in checking the registry, there was an offender listed in the building next to my own. I contacted management, who determined that the offender in question did not live at that address but in a different city. He had illegally listed the address of a relative as his own. This was reported to law enforcement, and they were able to locate him and correct the false information he provided.

In response to the argument that offenders are afraid of being ostracized, I say, “so what?” If they are so afraid of the repercussions of the crimes they committed, they should have made the decision not to offend in the first place. In our society sexually abusing a child is abhorred in every degree. Within prisons, child molesters are on the bottom of the totem pole and often persecuted by other inmates (Rowan 59). With this knowledge being so prevalent, it is possible to decide to keep your hands to yourself and avoid sexually abusing a child. Convicted felons of other crimes lose certain rights (such as the right to vote and the right to bear arms), so why should convicted child molesters maintain the “right” to be accepted into society? If I am aware that a person may pose a potential threat to my children, I will certainly not extend him the “right” to my respect or acceptance. Suzanne DiNubile, author of “Community Notification Laws Protect Children from Child Molesters,” believes that the ostracism or scorn felt by an offender stems from his own shame. She quotes the Third Circuit court in their statement that “the ‘sting’ [of having to be registered] results from the dissemination of accurate public record information about their past criminal activities.” She believes that if this shame is an obstacle in the offender’s life, they should seek counseling, just as their victims must in order to lead a normal life. She states that there is no obligation for the state to keep public information inaccessible just to prevent an offender from feeling victimized (DiNubile 111). All of this information is a matter of public record anyway, whether it is put on a registry or not. With the internet, information is at the tip of our fingers. I could find any number of resources including court, law enforcement and correctional facility records that contain public information regarding all offenses committed. Websites containing personal addresses and phone numbers are easy to come by. If you don’t want to use the internet, visit the jail, walk into the police department, or find a phone book. This information is accessible; the only difference is that the registry makes the search for information faster and more convenient. It provides citizens with a tool to protect our children. Potential registration and embarrassment resulting from it facilitates a deterrent against sex crimes. Because the internet can also be used as a means to commit a crime against a child, law enforcement must keep up and use technology as an offense tactic (DiNubile 114).

Conclusion

It is easy to see that the value of the Sex Offender Registry far outweighs the objections to it. Vital information about potential dangerous threats to our children is far more important than a convicted sex offender’s concern about having their address and photo listed on the internet. The opportunity to prevent a horrific crime from occurring is more important than an offender feeling ostracized or ashamed because the details of their crimes are available to the public in a readily accessible way. The registry may not be perfect, but its importance is recognized by all branches of our government—Congress by passing the original bills, the President by signing and approving them, and the Supreme Court by continuing to uphold the importance and constitutionality of the legislation. As a parent, I will do everything in my power to protect my children from harm, including regularly using my state’s registry and educating my children on the dangers of sexual predators. Won’t you?

Works Cited

Berenzweig, Sally. “Fighting Child Abuse With Books.” Your PBC. Your PBC, 12 April 2011. Web. 4 July 2011.

DiNubile, Suzanne D. “Community Notification Laws Protect Children From Child Molesters.” Child Abuse: Opposing Viewpoints. Ed. Louise I. Gerdes. Farmington Hills, MI: Greenhaven Press, 2003. 109-114. Print.

Freeman-Longo, Robert E. “Community Notification Laws are Unjust.” Child Abuse: Opposing Viewpoints. Ed. Louise I. Gerdes. Farmington Hills, MI: Greenhaven Press, 2003. 115-121. Print.

Grafman, Jared. “Sex Offender Registry Designed to Inform Public.” The Maneater: The Student Voice of MU. The Maneater Student Newspaper, 7 February 2011. Web. 4 July 2011.

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Sex Offenders: History. National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, 2011. Web. 3 July 2011.


National Conference for State Legislatures. NCSL Summary P.L. 109-248 (HR 4472) Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006. National Conference for State Legislatures. National Conference of State Legislatures, March 2007. Web. 3 July 2011.

Operation Awareness. Keeping Your Kids Safe. Operation Awareness. N.P., N.D. Web. 4 July 2011.


Rowan, Edward L. Understanding Child Sexual Abuse. Jackson, MS: University Press of Mississippi, 2006. Print.

Sax, Robin. Predators and Child Molesters: What Every Parent Needs to Know to Keep Kids Safe. Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 2009. Print.