Monday, May 10, 2010

transformational self portrait: how i am now

i had an easier time with this self-portrait than the last. i think it's because i have been spending so much time thinking about my life lately, about how i am, about how the abuse continues to affect me.

i float around in a bubble. a very fragile bubble, drifting slowly up and down, in no real direction. occasionally a breeze comes by and pushes me, or spins me in a circle, or turns me upside down. occasionally the bubble bursts.

this bubble represents many things. including, i think, my ability to cope. my sanity. my protection. my fragile happiness and self-esteem.

i am surrounded by these straight pins ready to pop my precious bubble: conflict, self-hatred, invalidation, anger, frustration, depression, loneliness, the nightmares i loathe. hopelessness. and more often than i'd like to emit the bubble bursts and i begin free falling to the ground, completely out of control. i lash out, in an attempt to protect myself, my soft and vulnerable inner core, but instead end up hurting the ones i love most--and myself in the process.

someday i'll have something stronger than a bubble surrounding me.


how i was in the past

explanation of the transformational self-portrait

4 comments:

♥Georgie♥ said...

I have a bubble around me too...that portrait could have been me....wow just wow.....

Paula said...

Had to ponder this over for a few days - had quite an impact upon me. I see a woman, adult age, yet huddled together, like hiding in herself - not sure how to express it better, a face that shows resignation and pain. The bubble is for me rather protection as to not being exposed to the world without protection. A bubble which softens unexpected bumping etc. First moment it looked like a foetus in an amnion sac to me. That are my feelings upon reflecting on it. Love from my heart to yours.

Marj aka Thriver said...

The symbolism here is very moving. I can really relate to it. Thanks for sharing this with us here and in the blog carnival.

Patricia Singleton said...

The present day me can feel and show happiness in my eyes and in my smile. Sending blessings for easing of pain still felt. Thanks for sharing your self in your portrait.