i know i've said this before, but...

...i hate laundry.

yeah, it still hasn't been finished. i did clean the upstairs of the house yesterday, and put a few more loads through the wash. the folding? still haven't started. but today i will do it. i WILL. i swear i will. (okay, i hear you snickering, saying, "yeah, right, cornnut, you've been saying that now for 8 days..." but i really will. just you wait and see.)

we took little buddy to see santa last night. (and mrs. claus, and the reindeer.) he's still too little to understand, but it was fun anyway. he was so good! the photographer couldn't believe we got a good shot on the first try. and mrs. claus told me he was absolutely adorable and such a good baby! talk about a proud mama! he smiled at santa, tried to pull his hair, reached out and touched his face. not a single tear, he didn't reach for me, he didn't get upset at all. i have the best baby ever, i tell you. :)

and the best part? little buddy told santa he wanted a million dollars for his daddy. (okay, daddy, told santa little buddy wanted a million dollars for his daddy.)

do you think it will be stuffed in our stockings on christmas morning?

did i ever mention that i hate laundry?

i think i am the only living thing in my house that is awake right now.

the baby is in the crib, napping.
the cat is on the floor, snoring. (our cat snores. funny, huh.)
the dog is on the floor, slightly twitching because she is dreaming.

and here i am, exhausted, and i probably should be taking a nap. instead i am eyeing the pile of laundry that has been on my couch for six days. i have had the best of intentions in folding it and putting it away. but, like usual, i find excuses not to. or i just dont, and don't make excuses. i also have a bunch of dishes that need to be done. bedrooms to pick up. more laundry to put through the wash. bathrooms to clean. sigh. i HATE cleaning with a passion. it stresses me out to have a dirty house but i have such a hard time keeping up with it. a lot of it has to do with the fact that when i clean, it takes about 20 minutes for the house to be a complete disaster again. i clean, i leave for work, i come home, the house looks like a tornado hit it. (again.) sigh.

so i downloaded the twilight soundtrack, and can i say, i adore it. as you know, i wasn't too thrilled with the movie (although i've heard it is much better the second time and i really want to see it again) but the soundtrack is awesome. not only are the instrumental piano pieces beautiful, but i have discovered a new band called paramore that i love. and there are some good rockin' out in the car songs. (i tried them out last night driving home from my parents' house.)

so, can you believe that christmas is NEXT WEEK? seriously! it's crazy. hubby and i are going to finish our christmas shopping this saturday. yes, that also makes us crazy. the last saturday before christmas....ha. we're nuts. i know it. :) i'm really looking forward to christmas. even though i have to work christmas eve...and the day after christmas....lame. there are some law firms that we do business with that closed last week and won't reopen until january 5. wouldn't that be nice!

well, i suppose i should get to the laundry now. (ha. i say that...but we'll see if i really make myself do it!) so i hope you all have a wonderful monday!

the best songs to rock out to in your car

one of my favorite things ever is singing loudly when i'm driving. only if the music drowns out my voice, that is, since i seriously can't sing. if you don't do this, i would highly suggest that you try it. the music i listen to depends a lot on my mood, but here are a few of the best ones (in no particular order):

1. "cuz i can" by pink. okay, anything by pink, really, i love "u + ur" hand and "who knew" as well.

2. "let's get it started" by the black eyed peas. (remember that, miss kaitlyn? in your stang?)

3. when i'm upset/angry/in a bad mood i adore evanescence. i really like evanescence when i'm in a good mood, too, but i've found i listen to it more when i'm upset. my song(s) of choice? "tourniquet" or "haunted."

4. "barbie girl" by aqua

5. "toxic" by britney spears. i would also say "drive me crazy" and recently i've enjoyed "circus."

6. anything gwen stefani. this includes anything no doubt. "i'm just a girl" is awesome. i like "rich girl" and "ex-girlfriend" too.

7. the pussycat dolls--"buttons" or "don't cha."

8. "carry on my wayward son" by kansas

9. remember that one scene in drive me crazy? yeah, the one where they're cruising? to "keep on loving you." reo speedwagon classic...it really is a good one to cruise to.

10. linkin park. i love linkin park. like, seriously, love them. pick anything by linkin park. literally anything.

11. "boys of summer." the original is great but i would vote for the remix by the ataris.

12. "criminal" by fiona apple

13. christina aguilera. "dirrty" is a good one. also i would go for "lady marmelade."

14. the beatles! i would venture to go for the "across the universe" soundtrack for cruising purposes, although i would go for the original "twist and shout."

15. more recently? i've loved "love story" by taylor swift and my new favorite song by linkin park (because i just love linkin park), "leave out all the rest." (which i shared with you all yesterday!)

16. "passenger seat" by shedaisy. i would vote for a lot of the shedaisy songs, too.

17. the soundtrack to "that thing you do!"

18. the soundtrack to "rent," but more specifically "out tonight"

19. "jesse's girl." you can't go wrong with "jesse's girl." ever.

20. queen. "bohemian rhapsody," "we will rock you" (of course) and yesterday i found myself be-bopping to "killer queen" on my way to work.

i could go onnnnn and onnnnn. what are your favorite rockin' out songs? i'm always looking to expand my horizons. :)

sometimes music says it better than i can

Leave Out All the Rest

by Linkin Park

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taking my beating
I've shared what I've been
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that ive done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

annoyance: people who have very loud personal conversations in public (especially when it's quiet, like standing in line at the courthouse to file documents)

exhaustion: not sleeping in a week

beauty: listening to "bella's lullaby" that i just downloaded. i love classical piano.

regret: words and actions toward a loved one that can't be taken back

joy: watching my baby smile

sorrow: being unable to change

excitement: i can't wait to see my baby on his first christmas morning!

longing: to finish school

frustration: feeling like i'm not being listened to or heard

boredom: the only thing on tv saturday mornings are japanese animation cartoons

apprehension: for the future

loneliness: missing my friend

confidence: trying to find it!

anger: i can't figure out what the name of that song is that i love!

happiness: looking at my beautiful christmas tree

surprise: there is no downloadable ringtone (free one, anyway) for love story

fear: i will mess up my son

curiosity: i wonder what my baby will grow up to be

satisfaction: i found that song! "leave out all the rest" by linkin park. i love that song. i love linkin park.

unwind: by listening to really loud music in the car and singing at the top of my lungs.

love: my family

gratitude: for all of the second chances i've been given

what i'm going to do next: turn off all the lights. put on "clair de lune" and lay down. try to relax and push the depression out of my head.

it truly is a wonderful life...

"Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he? "

hubby and i watched this movie this week. one of my all-time favorites. i've been watching it every christmas since i was an infant. and, like every year before, i cried in the end. what a beautiful reminder to all of us. if you haven't seen it (and even if you have!) go watch "it's a wonderful life." because it really is. even if you have a job you hate, you struggle financially, you have a hard time with business relationships, you have a sick child, you are jealous of those who may be better off than you, you live in a drafty house with a banister that comes off all the time, you've lost a loved one. there is so much to be thankful for, so much to love. so much joy around you.

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

thank you for being my friend!

------------------------------

and a few more fun quotes from the movie!

Zuzu: Look, Daddy! Teacher says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.

George: That's right! That's right! Atta boy, Clarence!

George: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary.
Mary: I'll take it. Then what?
George: Well, then you could swallow it, and it'd all dissolve, see? And the moonbeams'd shoot out of your fingers and your toes, and the ends of your hair... Am I talking too much?
Old Man: Yes! Why don't you kiss her instead of talking her to death?
George: How's that?
Old Man: Why don't you kiss her instead of talking her to death?
George: Want me to kiss her, huh?
Old Man: Ah, youth is wasted on the wrong people!

Young Mary: George Bailey, I'll love you til the day I die!

George: I wish i had a million dollars! Hot dog!

Sam Wainwright: Hee Haw!

George: Look, who are you?
Clarence: I told you, George. I'm your guardian angel.
George: Yeah, yeah, I know. You told me that. What else are you? What...are you a hypnotist?
Clarence: No, of course not.
George: Well, then, why am I seeing all these strange things?
Clarence: Don't you understand, George? It's because you were not born.
George: Then if I wasn't born, who am I?
Clarence: You're nobody. You have no identity.
George: What do you mean, no identity? My name's George Bailey.
Clarence: There is no George Bailey. You have no papers, no cards, no driver's license, no 4-F card, no insurance policy...They're not there, either.
George: What?
Clarence: Zuzu's petals. You've been given a great gift, George. A chance to see what the world would be like without you.

----------------------------------------------

so what's your favorite part/quote from this movie?

Obedience Can Bring Us Peace and Comfort: Part 1

originally posted at Modern Molly Mormon

"Obedience is the first law of heaven, the cornerstone upon which all righteousness and progression rest."
-Bruce R. McConkie

Abuse may distort our perceptions about obedience. As victims we may have been taught to obey at all costs. Any mistake may have led to severe physical, emotional or sexual punishment. As adults we may have adopted perfectionist tendencies, or live in fear of punishments that may come if a mistake is made. Sometimes victims of abuse go to the other extreme and rebel against authority and/or God.

Many who have been abused find it difficult to feel the influence of the Holy Ghost as well as to feel answers to prayer. Although we may interpret this as a lack of Heavenly Father's love, there is another explanation. A basic defense children use against sexual abuse is to shut down their feelings, helping them to get through the trauma. Yet this response also cuts them off from positive feelings. As a result, those who have been abused may have difficulty feeling the love of Heavenly Father, His servants, and other nurturing people in their lives.

One of Adam's great religious acts has become the classical illustration of perfect obedience. This first man of all men was commanded by the Lord to offer the firstlings of his flocks as a sacrifice, which he did. "Thereupon an angel appeared to him and asked: 'Why dost thou offer sacrifices unto the Lord?' and Adam said unto him, 'I know not, save the Lord commanded me.'" Then the angel told him the purpose and significance of sacrifice. (Moses 5:5-8) It should be noted that obedience preceded receipt of the new revelation.

As shown by Adam, obedience requires trust and faith, two attributes that are often damaged by abuse. When we align ourselves with God, everything in our life will either fall into place, or it will fall out of our life.

I have found in my life that I do not feeling as if I am controlled by anyone or anything. This has been a major roadblock in my being obedient--to my parents, my leaders, and even Heavenly Father. I responded to the abuse by rebelling in many ways, which caused a lot of disharmony in my family relationships. Now that I am an adult, I can handle these situations more maturely. But I still don't like feeling as if I am being told to do something. I am continuing to work on the obedience aspect of the gospel.

Almost without exception, we are encouraged to seek answers and healing from scripture reading and prayer. It is almost a cliche and we may fear that as we seek help from a church leader we will be dismissed with an unsympathetic "read your scriptures and pray." Unfortunately, in many cases this is what we may encounter. Yet, as we humble ourselves and turn to the Lord through prayer and scripture study, we can receive help we wouldn't have found otherwise.

President Benson said, "'From a child thou has known the holy scriptures, whicdh are able to make thee wise unto salvation' (2 Timothy 3:14-15). My dear brethren [and sisters], this is an answer to the great challenge of our time. The word of God, as found in the scriptures, in the words of living prophets, and in personal revelation, has the power to fortify the Saints and arm them with the Spirit so they can resist evil, hold fast to the good, and find joy in this life."

I have found in my own experience that my greatest joy comes from doing the things the Lord has asked of me. Lately I have really struggled when it comes to scripture study--and even my own personal prayers. It has been a rough couple of years and my faith has really been tested. It is still being tested. I am making a goal right here, right now, to get myself back on track, to facilitate my continued healing, to progress in my growth as a person, a wife, and a mother, by obeying the Lord's commandments.

"For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven." (D&C 58:2)

I would like to challenge each of you to do your best in keeping the Lord's commandments. We each struggle with something different. For me, it is scripture study and prayer. For someone else, it may be swearing. For another, the word of wisdom, and for another, it may be something very different. I know that the Lord loves all of us. He wants us to be happy. He has told us that happiness comes from obedience. He has given us the way, now we just need to follow it. We are His children, and He wants only the best for us. Let's live up to our potential as His children and work hard to do as He has asked.