5th birthday

today my little buddy turned 5.

exactly five years ago at this moment, i was holding my brand new baby boy...only 3 hours old.  and marveling at the tiny creature that had come from me.

today i held my big five year old...and marveled at how grown up he is.  how intelligent, and sweet, and sensitive...and that he came from me.

i am so proud to be the mother of this amazing little boy....who isn't so little anymore.

five years old.....

the best cake i ever made...

so as you know, my little princess turned one last saturday. and what would be better for a princess than a princess party? we decorated the whole house in pink and white streamers, pink and white balloons and princess decorations. she had a little fuzzy pink party hat that said "princess," her onesie said "little princess," and we got her a sparkly pink princess skirt. everything was pink, pink, pink.

but the thing that took the cake was the cake.

a few months ago i was meandering around wal-mart and came across this:

and said, "this is perfect!"

my mother in law decorates cakes and has taken a bunch of classes. so i asked her if she would help me since i know nothing about cake decorating and have never made a two tier cake let alone a two layer cake. she agreed so we spent way too many hours making the cake. i got the wrong kind of cream cheese so the first batch of frosting was ruined. (word of advice: don't use fat-free cream cheese for baking. yuck.) top tier was chocolate, bottom tier was devil's food on one layer and funfetti on the other. somehow my MIL knows how to make delicious cake, i can't make a boxed cake mix taste that good. filled with cream cheese frosting and voila.
next up, the decorating. this took several hours...we were up until about 1 am. the kit comes with the towers, windows, door and little cones for the top of the towers. they are all plain white plastic, so you do the decorating. here they are after i'd piped the purple around the little windows and stuck edible glitter on them.
the cones we smothered in purple frosting and rolled in the glitter.
then little white balls of cream cheese frosting, and leaves...
here is the cake after we'd put on the leaves and flowers plus the door and the front part. the rest had to wait until the day of the party or the towers would all tip over.
so skip ahead to the afternoon of the party. we stuck the towers on, put the cones on them and frosting-glued them to the cake.
and here is the finished product. isn't it amazing?

what a cake for a baby's first birthday! i was so proud of it! it was sad when we dismantled it.
but let me tell you, those chubby little hands sure loved digging around in it!


and it was delicious!

it's just part of life, right?

so i've mentioned how much my kids love signing time. so much that not only do we watch it, but we also listen to it constantly in the car.

here is one of the songs on perma-repeat.

It's just part of life, you bump and bruise and fall
Sometimes seems like everyday and sometimes not at all

When you're hurt you always become better
When you fall down you always get back up
And when you cry it never lasts forever
I'll help you feel better, we help each other out

It's just part of life and hugs can save the day
With kisses and a bandage we're ready to go play

When you're hurt you always become better
When you fall down you always get back up
And when you cry it never lasts forever
I'll help you feel better, we help each other out
I'll help you feel better, we help each other out

this song is good and it's also bad, at least for me. crying doesn't last forever. being hurt? do we always become better? physically, usually, sure. emotionally? at times i have a hard time believing that i will ever be better. when i fall i sometimes want to just stay down on the ground. my husband is there telling me he'll help me feel better...giving me hugs and kisses, bandaging my emotional wounds. but bandages don't always fix it. every time i hear this song it makes me think.

there is more drama with my parents. (what else is new?) i've distanced myself from them over the last month and a half or so because i've been focusing on trying to heal--and the constant stream of criticism i get from them is far from helping me. with the baby's first birthday coming up in less than a month i sent them an email outlining some boundaries if they choose to come to her birthday party. the response was exactly what i thought it would be--a total blatant disregard for my feelings, completely invalidating me and denying any kind of wrong-doing on their part. as usual. it's like they think it will kill them to admit that they've screwed up here and there with me. then they place all blame on me. i wrote a response that i didn't send because it's just full of my frustration and hurt and years of pent up confusion and anguish where they are concerned. they say i'm the only one who "makes accusations" and tries to "instruct them on their behavior." probably because i'm the only one with the guts to do so, because i know for a fact there are others who feel the same way i do.

i want to have a good relationship with my parents, but i can't keep putting my mental health and the happiness of my own little family in jeopardy for them. i'm tired of maintaining a relationship based on what i HOPE it will become instead of what it is. i love my parents, i really do. they've done a lot of good things for me and i am grateful for that. i've told them that. so why is it so hard for them to just see they've made mistakes as well, own up to them and apologize? really that's all i'm asking for. the worst part is that their stubborn behavior is interfering with their relationship with their grandchildren which is hard on me, too. i want them to get to know my kids but not at the detriment of myself and my marriage.

so the big question is this: is a relationship with them really worth all the pain, hurt, invalidation and frustration i experience?

and why is it my siblings all seem to be able to take it--or ignore it? i took it for years and years...and now that i'm an adult i'm tired of it. i'm tired of them trying to control me, or support me in the way they think i need instead of what i actually need, what i'm telling them i need.

i wish they were there to help me out when i ask...HOW i ask. it doesn't matter if i say i should wear the red shirt and they tell me the blue one is best, that i'm wrong, even though i know i'm right...the red one is better for me...then they criticize me for choosing the red one and get mad because i'm not taking their advice. does that even make sense? then i always end up running back to them and apologizing, even though i know i was right, just to keep the peace.

i just don't know what to do anymore.

busy busy

whew...it has been a busy week.

as i mentioned before, princess has been sick. congested and such. she is doing better today, thank goodness. but we did have to take her to the hospital twice to have her poor little lungs suctioned. i felt so bad for her...she was pretty pissed. i would be too, if i had a tube stuck up my nose and down my throat!

well just as princess is starting to get better, buddy is coming down with the same thing. poor kid is coughing and congested too. but unlike his sister, he is a snotty mess. i've never had to deal with runny noses and toddlers before but let me tell you...gross.

i've also had two (that's right, two) separate cases of food poisoning this week. NOT. FUN. i swear i will never eat chicken again.

wednesday was little buddy's birthday party. we had it at the local cabela's store and it was a blast!

friday was his birthday. i cannot believe that he is two already. my baby is growing up!

also on friday we did the final walk through of our new apartment. i cannot even begin to tell you how stinkin' excited i am to move out of this basement and have our own place again. it is so nice, and so much space! i can't wait!

moving day is now less than a week away. i have lots of packing to do. so i guess i better run and get to it!

being a mother

sometimes being a mother is so hard.

don't get me wrong. i wouldn't trade my kids for ANYTHING. being a mom is the best thing in the whole world. i love them to death and i love being a mom. but that doesn't make it easy.

my poor baby is sick again. she's got bronchiolitis. coughing, chest congestion...no fun. this poor little girl is sick all the time, i swear! it breaks my heart every time she coughs. i feel so helpless...there's nothing i can do. i just want to take it all away from her.

little buddy just got over being sick, too. some kind of stomach flu. poor kid. he spent a day vomiting. one good thing about it, he was sick enough to want to cuddle. he sat in bed with me and cuddled a whole morning! he hasn't done that since he was a baby. i'm glad he's doing better.

i took princess to the doctor today, since she is sick. i'm sure i looked rather comical. little buddy has discovered a new game. when you hold his hand so he can walk, he goes limp in the knees and throws himself on the ground. pretty frustrating when you're in the middle of a parking lot. so...i picked him up. i wish someone would have taken a picture of this. i had a giant (and i mean giant) diaperbag and my very large purse (which is, in fact, a cool looking laptop bag, just to tell you how big it is) on one shoulder. in my arms, a squirming toddler who is very large for his age. i was clutching his pants and holding on for dear life. poor kid probably had the wedgie from hell. in the other hand, i was toting princess' carseat. this girl weighs nearly sixteen pounds. she is not light. so, hip jutted out trying to keep little buddy from slipping, his pants scrunched up, hauling a heavy carseat, and frazzled because buddy is squirming, baby is coughing, and we better hurry up because there's a car coming....i can only imagine what it looked like.

friday is little buddy's birthday. he will be two. i really just want to cry about it. does that make me pathetic? i'm sure it does. my baby is growing up. he's becoming more independent. he refuses help now going down the stairs. "no! no! no!" is what i hear from him, all day, because he wants to do it himself. he's so big! so grown up! i just can't believe it. i just want to hold him and cuddle him and have him be my baby boy forever.

on the other hand, i sure can't wait for the toddler tantrums to pass. the whining...the not listening...well, on the other hand, i guess that doesn't really go away, does it? i still don't listen to my parents, haha. and i'm sure hubby will gladly attest to my whining.

i wish i could make my kids eternally happy. i don't ever want them to be sick, or hurt, or upset, or scared. i don't want them to experience all of the terrible things that i have, that their daddy has. i want to protect them from the scary parts of the world. i want them to learn, and grow, and be healthy and safe and secure and confident. too bad keeping them in a padded room won't foster that...at least they'd be safe, right?

everyone told me how hard being a parent would be. i knew it would be hard. but i was not prepared for how hard it actually would be. and i'm not just talking about screaming babies at 3 am, and diaper blowouts in the middle of the car shop, and carrying a toddler and a baby, and living on little sleep, and the money, and all. i'm talking about how hard it is to watch your child and know all of the terrible things that are out there in the world. to see your sweet baby be sick and know there isn't a thing you can do about it. to watch your son fall on the sidewalk and scrape his hand...to hurt for the damage they will incur from society, from the hard knocks of life. to worry about their happiness. to wonder if they will be teased in school, if they will have friends, what kind of things they'll be up against, just to be who they are. my heart aches with the desire to protect them from every negative thing out there.

sigh. i better stop this line of thinking before it gets out of hand.

how do you be a parent, knowing that such bad things are out there, and still be okay?

i can't imagine how my parents must have felt when they found out they had failed to protect me from my uncle...what a betrayal of trust, what a massive blow, knowing that their baby was hurt and they hadn't prevented it.

i don't know what i would do if i found out someone hurt my babies like that.

guess you could all visit me in prison.

christmas, birthday, new year's...tis the holiday season!

christmas has come and gone.

it's hard to believe how quickly time flies! i don't think our christmas could have been any more perfect. little buddy loved his gifts, hubby loved his gifts (he got the die hard movies and we watched the first on christmas, the second last night, and i'm pretty sure #3 will be tonight), i loved my gifts, and although little princess had no clue what was going on she sure was stinkin' adorable. the kids got felt reindeer antlers in their stockings and they were soooo cute wearing them. (if you know us then you should definitely check out our private blog or my facebook to see the pics, it's worth it, i promise.)

i got new clothes using gift cards to fit my post-baby body. i've been pretty disgusted with the way i look. i'm going to be trying out a local gym for a bit to see if i like it. i really need to start exercising again. i also need to stop eating junk and drinking soda. this i say as i sit here with a ginger ale and a box (yes, i said box, as in LARGE box) full of christmas candy. i know it is totally and completely unrealistic for me to decide to stop eating junk right smack in the middle of the holidays, so i'm not even going to attempt.

yesterday my little sister got married. i can't believe i have two little sisters who are married now. it was a long day, and freezing cold, and we got lost on our way from the ceremony to the luncheon which was about 40 miles away. tonight is the reception. i hope the weather is okay, it takes about 40 minutes to get there in perfect weather....snow may be a problem.

oh, did i mention today is my birthday? well it is! i'm getting old. i'm 24 now. hubby put a candle on my cake that was an over the hill candle, said too old to count on it. i guess it's because i don't have enough fingers and toes to count up to 24. hubby gave me a $50 gift card to get some clothes which was awesome, and i got a watch, and my in-laws gave me a gift card to olive garden (yummmmm) and it's been a pretty good day so far. slept in a bit, took a short nap, watched most of monty python and the quest for the holy grail, cuddled with my baby, and got two cakes. wooo! (remember that whole not cutting the junk out until after the holidays? yep.)

i hope you all have a great new year's. any fun resolutions? i refuse to make resolutions because i always fail. it's jinxed with me...like setting myself up for failure. but i know it works for other people. i'll be chowing down and going to bed early. yay for 2010!

yesterday was a pretty good day.

so we had little buddy's birthday party yesterday. i still can't get over the fact that he is one. the party went well. he got lots of fun new toys and books. and some cute new clothes, including a nightmare before christmas tee shirt my mom bought for him at disneyland--mostly for me. :) he loved his cake and made a mess which was fun to watch.

we also got an offer on our house yesterday! can you believe it? the house has been on the market since july, and we finally got an offer. plus, we are expecting a second offer on monday from another family who loved the house. my hubby did a happy dance. i pray that this goes through. now...to pack...

fun to be one!

yesterday was my baby's birthday. i can't believe he is one. the last year has just flown by. he looks so grown up my heart aches. i feel as if i have missed the first year of his life, even though i was there watching him grow and learn. it is incredible the changes a single year can bring. my sweet boy is a toddler now. i feel like an outsider already. i can't imagine how hard it will be when he is a teenager!

things have been increasingly difficult for me over the past week. i am getting more sick. my headaches are so painful i want to cry every time i speak or move. i am dizzy and weak. i'm stressed out beyond belief. hubby is having a very hard time as well and that makes me feel guilty. i feel terrible that i have not been working; we desperately need the money. he has been keeping the house clean and taking care of the baby. yesterday we got into an argument and i lost my temper (again). financially we are close to losing everything. his anxiety is through the roof and i can't help him. i feel like a terrible wife, and a terrible mother, because i have been so sick i can't give my son the attention i want to.

i am having nightmares more and more. nothing so far related to the abuse. but nightmares still. i hate them. i don't sleep well as it is. the nights i wake up shaking are terrible. last night i woke from a nightmare and saw the face of a woman in front of me, her eyes boring into me, a half-smile on her face as if she knew something horrible that i didn't. i know it was from my dream, and i was in a waking nightmare. when i closed my eyes she was still there staring at me. within a few minutes i fell back asleep and it was gone. more often i have been having those...apparitions...hallucinations...when i am half-asleep and waking from a nightmare. one night i awoke from a nightmare to find spiders crawling up my wall. (i am terrified of spiders and frequently have nightmares about them.) it took me blinking and clearing my head for a few minutes before they went away and i could relax again. these dreams become increasingly real and i hate it.

it disgusts and angers me the way that the abuse i have been through permeates every part of my life and who i am. it makes me sick to think about how i could be if i hadn't been so traumatized. because of someone else's choices i will suffer, my family will suffer. i don't understand how someone could possibly think it is okay to hurt a child, especially in such a sexual and perverse way. i am tired of being angry all the time. i am tired of hating myself. i am tired of being afraid. i am tired of the nightmares, the panic attacks, the flashbacks. i am tired of this interfering so negatively with my marriage.

i want it to end. i just want it all to go away. but it never will. no matter how much i work at this it will always be there. sure, i may feel better, it may affect my life less negatively eventually, but after ten years of working on it i am still struggling. will it never just...end?

nothing better to write today...

puke, puke, puke. that is what i want to do. i hate being nauseated like this, yuck. although, i have not thrown up, (yet), which is a good thing i guess. with little buddy i wanted to throw up constantly and quite often i did. it seems to me as if i am not as sick with this pregnancy, although it is just getting started. i may just be remembering wrong. maybe i didn't get sick until later with the first one. hmm. my memory fails me.

today i started taking my new antidepressant. my dr put me on celexa while i am pregnant, a really low dose, with the hope and goal that i will go off of it during the third trimester to prevent problems for the baby. i am hoping it will help. the past few weeks have been harder depression-wise.

so there is a lady my hubby works with that has been lending me books. she's the one that lent me the twilight books to read. then she sent home eragon with my husband. now, normally, i don't care for those kinds of books. i did not like lord of the rings. this series is along the same lines. i read eragon and liked it okay, definitely not my favorite book, but not bad. then she sent the second one, eldest. i finished it last night. let me tell you, i really got into that one. maybe about a fifth of the way through i was thinking it was going to be okay, like the first. nope. way more interesting. i couldn't put it down! now i've got to wait for the third one, which i think is called brisingr. i honestly don't even know how many books are in the series. but the end of the second one left me kind of hanging and i have got to know what happens next!

tax return, tax return, tax return came today. hooray for paying off bills and credit cards....and for going out to eat on valentine's day! we weren't going to do anything but then hubby decided instead of running away to sea world (which is what we wanted to do) and blowing it all, we should go out to eat. so he is taking me to red lobster....YUM....because we both LOVE seafood and i think the shrimp there is fan-freaking-tastic. i love it when they do the all you can eat shrimp buffet. yesterday we went to wal-mart, split up and bought valentine gifts for each other. i'm pretty sure he'll like what i got him. :)

so my baby turns a year old in less than a week. i can't believe it. a year ago today i was begging my doctor to induce me because i was so uncomfortable and READY for that baby to be here. i wanted to cry when my dr said he wouldn't induce me until i was at least 41 weeks. but then little buddy was born the day before his due date--i was 39 weeks and six days along when he came into the world. oh man i'm going to cry. i better save the tears for his birthday on the 19th.

well i think i better stop rambling. i wanted to write something a little more heartfelt and serious today, but i just can't. i'm not sure if it's because i'm afraid to because i'll end up crying (stupid hormones) or if it's because i don't know what to say, how to describe what's going on in my head right now. maybe tomorrow something better will spew forth from my keyboard.

happy birthday hubby

this is for my husband, who turns 26 today. i wish you a very happy birthday, honey. i just want you to know that i love you and admire you, and even if things aren't perfect you make them better than they are. i know i've shared this with you before, but i want you to re-read it and remember them, because even when i'm crazy i still feel this way.

as for everyone else, you can read them and be jealous!

75 reasons why i love my hubby:
1. he remembers little things, like how i like forks better than spoons.
2. he talks to me via email while i'm at work.
3. he can be very romantic and spontaneous, and i love that.
4. he has such an incredible work ethic! he works so hard for our family, even though it is not easy.
5. i can trust him completely, with anything.
6. i know that he loves me unconditionally.
7. he is such an incredible father! he loves our baby so much.
8. he is fiercely loyal--which is one of the reasons i fell in love with him.
9. he has the sexiest butt! :) it's nice and tight and i love it.
10. i love the way he laughs when he things something is really funny!
11. he tells me i'm a good mommy a lot.
12. he helps me out with things around the house when i ask him to.
13. he's a really good cook.
14. he likes to sleep in with me
15. he brings me cokes randomly because he knows i love them
16. he supports me in my work
17. he is so intelligent and learns things quickly.
18. i know he would do anything to protect me and our baby.
19. he gives the best hugs and kisses :)
20. he always wants to fix things when they go badly. no matter how badly.
21. he has a very black and white sense of what's wrong and what isn't.
22. he wants everything to be good, and right, and people to be respectful
23. he is respectful of other people's rights.
24. he is strong physically and mentally--i know i can lean on him, which i do, a LOT.
25. he is always worried about my health and well-being.
26. he is so good about taking care of our finances, he's never been late on any payments.
27. he always does what he says he will do.
28. he is so responsible!
29. he tells me he loves me a million times a day.
30. he is committed to our marriage and to making things work.
31. he has the bluest, most incredible eyes i've ever seen.
32. i know that if there is an emergency he can stay calm and take care of it.
33. i don't have to worry about leaving the baby with him--he does such a good job of taking care of him!
34. he knows so much about medical things, i love that he carries a huge first aid kit in his car.
35. he'll eat just about anything :)
36. i love it when he calls me "pretty eyes"
37. he always asks what he can do for me, and how he can help me.
38. he knows how to make me smile and laugh when i'm mad at him. it's so hard to stay upset when he does that!
39. he watches trashy reality tv with me.
40. he rubs my back when i ask him to and does a great job
41. he always checks the mileage every time he gets gas
42. he shreds his receipts. endearing even if it is messy.
43. he encourages me to do things i love, like scrapbooking, playing the piano, etc.
44. he understands that my family is important to me.
45. he helps me to relax because i stress out a lot over stupid things.
46. he likes to cuddle with me when we're watching tv
47. he has accomplished so much in his life! he has so many certifications and has experienced so many things.
48. i am so impressed with everything he knows. i can't believe how intelligent he is.
49. i fall more in love with him every day, no matter what.
50. i know that i couldn't live without him, he makes my life complete.
51. i am happier with him than i have ever been.
52. he is a stickler about time, and we are never late to anything.
53. he always stays on top of current events, constantly checking the news websites and watching it on tv.
54. he says what he thinks no matter what. i never have to wonder what he's thinking.
55. he is very opinionated and stubborn, just like me! makes things interesting.
56. i feel special knowing he dated sooooo many girls, and could have had just about anyone he wanted, and he picked me.
57. he gets jealous when i think an actor or a singer is cute
58. even though he hates pictures he lets me take them of him because he knows how important they are
59. he is the most handsome and attractive man in the world ;)
60. he is there for me no matter what, no matter what happens or what i do.
61. he always does things the best that he can.
62. he is willing to do things he doesn't want to do when he knows how important it is to me.
63. he wants me to be happy and does what he can to make me happy.
64. he goes to the mall and wanders around with me even though he gets bored.
65. he likes to go places like the zoo and the aquarium with me
66. when he eats crab he gets butter ALL OVER the place! and when he eats ribs he gets BBQ sauce all over too!
67. he uses paper to floss after he eats.
68. he has a really good singing voice even though he doesn't think so. i loved to hear him sing hymns in church (since that's really the only time he sings)
69. he surprises me with things like concert tickets and flowers every once in awhile
70. he teaches me things about life, and football, and everything he knows.
71. he makes extra effort to get along with people at work, even though i know it's hard for him because they can be obnoxious.
72. he would do anything to help out a friend in need.
73. he apologizes when he realizes he's wrong.
74. he always makes sure to give me a kiss goodnight and before he leaves (even if i'm asleep!)
75. he is the best husband i could ask for, and i am so blessed and so proud that he is mine.

i love you honey...i hope you know that. i want you to know that no matter what happens in our lives or with each other that i love you and that i want to be with you forever. i am so proud of you, for everything you do. i appreciate all of your hard work. you are the best!

happy birthday!

c-e-l-e-b-r-a-t-i-o-n-!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME-EEEE! yep, it's true. today is the anniversary of my birth. 23 years ago...in a blizzard...a beautifully fat baby girl was born to my parents. and now here i am, blogging for you, oh members of the blogging world.

i also just realized that i have posted to this blog over 100 times now. wow! crazy! i swear i just started blogging here.

so, since i totally missed it, happy 100th post to any of you three people that read my blog and comment on it. (i love you more than you know. seriously. i anticipate your comments! i go to bed thinking about it! i wake up and skip to the computer to read them! i continue writing hoping and waiting for the wonderful validation you give me!)

so, in honor of my 100th post (which was a few posts ago) AND MY 23RD BIRTHDAY, i'm providing you with mindless self-centered rambling. (oh wait...you get that daily. haha!)

100 random things you may not know about me:
1. i am married to the sexiest, most wonderful man in the world.
2. i know without a doubt that my calling in life is to be a mother.
3. i used to have a terrible habit of biting my fingernails, until i got to be about a senior in high school. then i just...stopped. don't really know why.
4. when i was a baby, i was so stubborn i got to the point that i'd freak out if my parents didn't let me change my own diapers.
5. i love coconut so much i eat baking coconut straight out of the bag. same for cream cheese.
6. when i was in preschool i wanted to be raphael (tmnt) for halloween really bad--but my mom said it was too masculine and i was a butterfly instead. BORING! (side note: she bought me the dvd of the latest tmnt movie for christmas this year. silly mom.)
7. i started reading shakespeare in 5th grade, after my grandma went to london and brought back a "shakespeare for kids" book. still have it, actually. i have since moved on to the real thing.
8. i am scared of nursing homes. i do much better in them now, but i had a negative experience once with an old lady and a nurse yelling at me for something i don't remember when i was about 13, volunteering there for young womens.
9. i spent two days in AP Art my freshman year of high school until the teacher realized i was a freshman and put me in honors art instead.
10. my junior year of high school, i won an award in the spring art show, and the school bought one of my pieces for $100. it is still hanging in the auditorium foyer with a gold plate with my name on it. they spelled my first name wrong originally and it took my parents three years of hounding the art teacher to get it fixed.
11. one summer in elementary school i was in a play called "the pied piper of scotland" (with kaitlyn...remember that?). they had all of us draw pictures to put in the program, mine was picked to be on the cover.
12. i TAed for the 7th grade orchestra when i was in 8th grade
13. i have read nearly every book in the babysitter's club series, and most of the ones in the babysitter's little sister series as well.
14. one of my all-time favorite tv shows is daria.
15. i love getting mail. it is one of the best things in the world, to get a letter or a package in the mail. especially if you weren't expecting it.
16. music is something i seriously can't live without--when i did something wrong, my punishment was usually having my cd player taken away. boy did my parents know what would really be hard for me!
17. when i was a baby, my mom used to put me in front of the nba games to calm me down.
18. i have no allergies.
19. i remember my mom's 29th birthday. i don't have very many memories from that period of my life, so it's kind of a random day to remember.
20. i rode my first horse when i was about 8 months old.
21. i support gay marriage--and i'm mormon. go figure. :)
22. i hate raisins. really, really, hate raisins. they stink. they squish. they leave a weird residue on your fingers. gross.
23. when i was 13, i decided i was never going to have (biological) children. my mom got me to sign a "contract" saying for every kid i have i will pay her $100. lucky for me she just gave me crap about it constantly...never forced me to pay up. (although she says she still has that "contract" somewhere.)
24. my name is a combination of my parents' names: but i'm still not going to tell you what it is, since i'm staying anonymous here. so sorry! :)
25. i got into a fight with my sixth grade teacher and was sent home for the day. (i hated her.)
26. once i bit a girl on the playground when i was in....4th? grade...and got detention for it. in my defense, she came up behind me and bear hugged me and wouldn't let go.
27. i wore tennis shoes to my first formal dance
28. i went almost two years without drinking anything carbonated in high school
29. my favorite food is spaghetti, my mom made it for me every year on my birthday, with cheesecake for dessert
30. i always wanted to live in paris. i even took french in high school and college so that when i moved there i would know some of the language.
31. two things i've always wished i could do (and never had the talent): sing and dance
32. my favorite search engine is yahoo.com. i don't like to use anything else, except google images--i don't use yahoo images. quirky, i know.
33. one of my favorite cars that i have driven is my dad's old geo metro. so old it didn't have a seatbelt in the middle seat. i learned to drive stick in that thing.
34. i never really watched the news until i met my hubby.
35. one of my pet peeves is the incorrect use of apostrophes. seriously, it is not that difficult people.
36. i hate wearing bracelets. for some reason they just really irk me. but i will wear gigantic earrings.
37. i can type between 75 and 80 wpm.
38. i am terrified of natural disasters--and fires. (i think i watched backdraft when i was too young, had nightmares about fires after that. good thing i married a pyro--i mean, fireman. haha!)
39. one of my favorite places in the whole world is a local waterfall. ironically, that's where hubby and i had our first date. but it was one of my favorite places before that.
40. when taking notes in high school, i was almost OCD about copying what was on the board/powerpoint presentation word for word. i couldn't just summarize it.
41. my favorite teachers were the ones that pushed the hardest, graded the hardest, had the hardest curriculum, and all-around were HARD. i liked that i was challenged.
42. i ADORE roller coasters, but can't do anything that spins in circles. makes me want to puke.
43. i didn't see my first firefly until i was 18.
44. i loooove heights; i've never been afraid of them.
45. once i tried to do a backflip of of a diving board. i didn't jump far enough out and hit my head on the bottom of the board.
46. ponytail holders are one of the greatest inventions known to man.
47. my parents were originally going to name me "tiamo" which means "i love you" in italian. (my dad served his mission in italy.) apparently when i was born i looked nothing like an italian baby so that got nixed.
48. my favorite book is "beauty" by robin mckinley.
49. i used to hide under my blankets with a flashlight and read all night long.
50. i love fruit. all fruit.
51. i didn't get my first cell phone until i was 19 and a sophomore in college. my youngest sister just got one for her 16th birthday. har har, thanks mom and dad.
52. i once got thrown off of a four wheeler and cracked my head open on a rock.
53. i HATE the smell of coffee. it is one of the worst smells in the world. alcohol, too.
54. i didn't start wearing pink of my own free will and choice until i was 18.
55. i talk really loud sometimes and don't realize i'm doing it. i'm just a loud person.
56. i always draw pictures on the calendar when we get a new one.
57. i use smiley faces a lot when i type. :)
58. i really, really, really stink at video games.
59. i love those vanilla bean frappucino things (no coffee in them, i hate the smell of it, remember) from starbucks.
60. i don't like using phone books. what's the point when it's faster to use the internet?
61. my favorite flowers are daffodils and tulips
62. i can't drive and talk on my cell phone at the same time. i do better with a hands-free headset but still...not so great.
63. i don't really like spoons. i only use them when necessary (like for soup and cereal). i even prefer to eat my ice cream with a fork.
64. i love cats. if i could be a cat, i would be. i also like monkeys. but i wouldn't be a monkey.
65. i HATE diet stuff. and sugar-free, and lite, etc. i can taste a difference and it makes me want to gag.
66. i am stickler on having things organized...although i don't usually follow through with it. things always end up a mess again.
67. i don't like to capitalize when i type (as you can see) because i think it is a waste of time and effort where my pinky is concerned.
68. i spent two summers in san diego working as a graphic design assistant, which is what i used to want to be when i grew up.
69. i never actually applied for the art school in college, which i regret immensely. i decided that i would never get accepted anyway so i never turned in my application. i still think i wouldn't have been accepted, but it would be nice to know for sure.
70. i was a roadie for the high school band my freshman year, lugging around colorguard flags and water bottles so i could spend more time with my friends who were in the colorguard.
71. my favorite toy when i was little was a blue tractor. i still have it. my mom kept it for me to let my kids play with. she gave it back to me last year, when i was pregnant with little buddy.
72. i used to get up at the crack of dawn and go to the day-after-christmas sales with my mom every year.
73. i love crossword puzzles.
74. i have been pulled over three times but have only gotten one ticket. (all three times i was in high school.)
75. i am very nearly obsessed with modern art.
76. i always hated it when people bought art to match their furniture/decor. you should buy furniture to match your art.
77. i cry at art museums.
78. one year i had my birthday party in july because i wanted a pool party. i got fed up with the fact that my birthday is in december and you can't have pool parties in december.
79. in my single days i would spend $100 on a pair of jeans that were long enough without really blinking. (more than twice.) now i choke on even thinking about spending that much money on an item of clothing.
80. i hate shaving my legs.
81. one of my favorite things in the world is driving around (somewhat recklessly haha) with the windows down, blaring music and singing at the top of my lungs. i don't do that as much anymore though...something about growing up. :)
82. i played joseph in a nativity play once when i was little.
83. i used to hate that i didn't have a middle name, so i made one up once. it was jane.
84. i still watch sesame street, mr. roger's neighborhood, and lamb chop's play along for fun.
85. one of my favorite fair/carnival/amusement park rides are the ones that take you to the top of a really high tower then let you drop. but i've never been on the tower of terror.
86. some of my favorite disney movies are beauty and the beast, lilo and stich, and finding nemo.
87. i used to be a really good swimmer. (used to be = key words)
88. i love fall, and rain, and everything that comes with fall.
89. i was pretty mean to my siblings growing up. and i really regret that now.
90. i've noticed that time passes much more quickly as an adult.
91. i'm really good with directions. if i've been somewhere once, i can find it again without a problem.
92. i don't really like writing with black ink. i prefer blue ink. i think it's easier to read.
93. i can change a tire by myself without a problem. i also know how to change the oil in a car by myself.
94. i am not a morning person. at all. but i can stay up all night long.
95. i'm really bad at remembering things. i forget stuff all the time. drove my parents nuts, and drives my husband nuts. i don't blame them. it's obnoxious for me, too.
96. i hate it when someone tells me they'll call me and then they don't.
97. if i could move back to the town i grew up in i'd do it in a heartbeat.
98. i knew a great-great grandmother, two great-grandfathers, and three great-grandmothers--one of which is still living.
99. i love colored sharpies.
100. i used to do a little dance every weekend in jr high and high school when i could turn off my morning alarm.

well that's 100. and it took a long time. and if you made it this far...you must be really bored, because i'm not that interesting. :)

so tell me a random tidbit about yourself!

another christmas, come and gone

happy day after christmas! i hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. hubby, little buddy and i sure did! we got some fun gifts and spent some time together and with our extended families.

hubby got the game endwar for his ps3. he has been wanting it for a long time. he knew i got it for him, and has been begging for weeks to open it. but i said no. i'm so mean! i made him wait for christmas. :) he also got a painting from his parents. this painting was done especially for hubby's grandfather, who was the captain of the fire department in his little town. it is a beautiful representation of the fire house, with an old-time fire carriage drawn by horses. the artist used tiny sandblasters to carve the design, including tiny little bricks in the building, then painted the details in. before he died, hubby's grandfather said he wanted the painting to go to my hubby. he was also a firefighter, and they had a really special relationship. it is already hanging up in our house.

hubby got me some fun new scrapbooking supplies and makeup. yay! my mom got me the teenage mutant ninja turtles dvd (because i looooved tmnt when i was a kid) and my grandma made me a new snow hat. and....my in-laws got us tickets to see wicked! can you believe it! i'm so excited!

little buddy was spoiled (and rightfully so)! he got some really fun new toys! his favorite is the little cell phone we got him. he loves phones, so it was perfect for him. he also got a walk behind wagon and an activity table, a little xylophone, some onesies and a penguin that is kind of like a little punching bag with balls in it, stacking rings, and a few other things. overall, it was a great day.

now i am looking forward to my birthday. it's only four days away now! i can't believe another year has passed. the weirdest part is thinking about where we were last christmas. i was so pregnant, so uncomfortable, and i thought that our baby would NEVER come. and now he is here, and i can't remember what life was like before him.