Monday, June 15, 2009

the fathers in my life

as a child i endured horrific and prolonged sexual abuse. far too often abuse is at the hands of a parent, especially a father. in my case my abuser was my uncle, my dad's youngest brother. how easy it would have been for my parents, like so many others, to refuse to believe my uncle was capable of such behavior. how convenient it would have been for them to turn their heads and push it under the rug, for the sake of "keeping the family together." for many survivors this is part of their story. my parents did none of those things.

the day my sister and i approached my parents with the details of our abuse is one that stands out in my mind. the unbelievable love and support i received from my parents after the initial shock can not be described. they never questioned us--from the very beginning the trusted and believed us completely. action was taken immediately. my sister and i were put into counseling, my parents approached my grandparents and my uncle, and legal action was taken. as an adult i am aware of how unique a situation this is, and i am in awe of my parents for being able to put their own feelings on the backburner in order to make sure my sister and i got the help we needed.

throughout my teenage years as i painfully and slowly began the healing process, my parents were there for me. in nearly every other aspect of my growing up i struggled with the way my parents dealt with things. with my abuse, i have very few complaints. instead i am filled with gratitude for the understanding and support they gave me, and continue to give me. my father especially has struggled as his relationships with his family have suffered.

i'd like to thank my parents for their unwavering love and the way they pushed me to get the help i needed, especially when i thought i didn't need it.

besides my father, i had another father looking after me and helping me. my father in heaven. over and over again, when i was in the depths of despair, on the brink of suicide, feeling hopeless and the pain was too great to bear, my God was there to bolster me up. had i not had a father here on earth to love and support me i still would have had a literal father to give me the help i needed.

you have all heard this rhyme:

humpty dumpty sat on a wall,
humpty dumpty had a great fall;
all the king's horses
and all the king's men
couldn't put humpty together again.

but the beautiful things is that the king can, and the king will, put me back together again.

father's day is a wonderful holiday for me. it is a celebration of the wonderful father i had growing up, who sacrificed so much for me and my siblings. it is a celebration of the fantastic husband i have, of what an amazing father he is to our son (and soon to be daughter). it is a celebration of my father in heaven, of his unconditional love and understanding.

i hope that all of you, whether you enjoy father's day or not, will always remember that no matter what happens, no matter what has happened, i believe that you always have a father there to love you and be your rock.

8 comments:

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

A very touching post. Thank you. :)

Kaylynn said...

beautiful post!

VICKI IN AZ said...

Thank you my dear. Sweet and touching. My heart is full for you. Your parents were brave and you are incredibly brave.
I look up to you so much.

Colleen said...

I am so happy to read that there are parents out there who did the right thing and believed their children and loved them. Must have made such a difference to you in your healing journey. So beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.

healandforgive said...

Reading your post literally warmed my heart.

Your parents are a wonderful role-model for other survivor parents.

I especially love that the King can and will put you back together again!

Blessings,
Nancy

Kim said...

How wonderful to hear that your parents reacted the way they did. You have much to celebrate this weekend! (Good Job hosting the blog!!)

Patricia Singleton said...

What a blessing to have these wonderful parents supporting you through your recovery. My biggest fear was that my mother would not believe me or she would say that the incest was my fault. I was in my 40's before I told her the truth.

Marj aka Thriver said...

I'm so glad for you that you were believed and supported by your parents in this way. What a different world we would live in if all parents protected their children this way. Thanks for sharing this.