Sunday, February 14, 2010

my personal coat of arms

recently i discovered a blog of a fellow survivor, tara, who blogs at broken but learning to heal. i saw this idea that she put up on her blog: a personal coat of arms. somewhere in my distant memory i think i have done this before, but obviously can't was probably ten years ago at least. so i think i'm going to do it again, and would invite anyone out there who would like to participate to please do so.

so here's the setup. it is divided into six sections and a personal motto. here are the sections:
1-something you are proud of
2-something you hold dear
3-child self
4-future goals

i have decided that i am going to do both a written and a drawn coat of arms. my coat of arms will also be split into two posts because as i'm writing i've found it's pretty lengthy.

1- something i am proud of. i am proud of my art. i am proud of the way i can pour my emotion out onto a piece of paper by means of a pen, a pencil, a paintbrush. i am proud of the message my art conveys--it is my own, my soul, out there for the world to see. i am proud of myself for being courageous enough to show such personal parts of myself to the world, and to be open for criticism.

2- something i hold dear. i hold my family dear. my husband, my beautiful children. my chest aches thinking about how much i love them, how much they mean to me. my family is my world. i hold onto them inside of me with a fierce grip, one that i will never let go, never loosen. i hold the sweet smiles, the hugs, the word "mommy" and the love dearer than my own breath. i need them, i need their presence in my life, i need my husband's love and acceptance, the love and trust of my children.

3- my child self. to be honest, i'm not really sure what this is asking. who is my inner child? i haven't really addressed this much in therapy, if at all. i have been thinking about it a lot lately, reading others' experiences in healing and caring for their own inner child.

my inner child is scared. she feels terror, betrayal, confusion, physical and emotional hurt. my inner child needs to be held close, and to hear someone she loves tell her that she is loved, she is a good girl, she is worth something. she needs to be rocked back and forth and told that everything is going to be okay, everything is going to work out. she needs to believe that. and understand that even if everything doesn't work out the way she thinks it will still be okay. my inner child needs to feel joy, needs to feel safe and protected.

my adult self needs that, too.

tomorrow i will post the rest of them.


Vanessa said...

I really like that a lot

Patricia Singleton said...

This is a wonderful idea. Thanks. Like you, I wasn't sure exactly what the "inner child" one was asking and I would have written it very much like you did.

Tara said...

Excellent coat of arms :)

The idea of the coat of arms is to remind yourself that the trauma you have suffered is not the only part of yourself. We can get so overwhelmed with healing and recovery that we start to believe that we are only our experiences.

I hope you gained alot from doing this exercise again.

Untypically Jia said...

I think this is a great idea! I need to do this sometime.

Lynn said...

I love this! Did you draw it or find the elements somewhere?

cornnut32 said...

lynn, i have started a drawing but haven't finished yet...i will definitely post when i get it done!

tara, thank you for that reminder..a lot of the time i really do think of myself as what i've been through, and nothing else. it seems everything is attached to my past, but it doesn't have to be.

jia, you definitely should! i would love to read yours.

Paula said...

Thank you for sharing this coat of arms. I will try one myself. I am more than teh summary of my symptoms, more as my trauma and this would remind me daily. Thanks for sharing and being out there. I had intense trauma therapy for 3 months( 35h/week) from Nov - Jan. I got introduced to art tehrapy nd I love it as a way to get closer to myself, closer to my inner child hearing her pain and lostness. Maybe you liek to visit:
Love from my heart to yours.