broken

please, everyone, take the time to watch this.

it just might change your outlook on your life at this moment.

it did for me.

thank you to mile 191 for sharing this.

suffering messengers of light

originally posted at modern molly mormon

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this article came from the ensign in august of 1986. i tried a few times to take a few parts from it to write this post, but found that it was impossible to do so and have the meaning conveyed well. this week, instead of sharing my personal experience, i will let this article speak for itself.

"I Have a Question"
by Carlfred Broderick, professor of Sociology, University of Southern California

"Q: So many children are abused, offended, and abandoned. If little children are precious to God, what justification can there be for permitting some to be born into such circumstances?

A: As children of God, we have been given the great gift of choice.

We may choose to help, or we may choose to hurt. Unfortunately, as the Lord explained to Moses, the iniquities of one generation are often visited upon the heads of following generations. (See Exodus 20:5) Anyone can see the truth of that saying by looking at many families in the world today. Often, troubled families seem to pass on their pain and darkness—virtually intact—to their children and grandchildren. The victim of one generation becomes the victimizer of the next.

On the other hand, the Lord told the prophet Ezekiel:

“What mean ye, that ye use this proverb concerning the land of Israel, saying, The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge? As I live, saith the Lord God, ye shall not have occasion any more to use this proverb in Israel. Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.” (Ezek. 18:2-4)

This scripture suggests that children need not merely replicate the sins of their fathers, but that each generation is held accountable for its own choices.

Indeed, my experience in various church callings and in my profession as a family therapist has convinced me that God actively intervenes in some destructive lineages, assigning a valiant spirit to break the chain of destructiveness in such families. Although these children may suffer innocently as victims of violence, neglect, and exploitation, through the grace of God some find the strength to “metabolize” the poison within themselves, refusing to pass it on to future generations. Before them were generations of destructive pain; after them the line flows clear and pure. Their children and children’s children will call them blessed.In suffering innocently that others might not suffer, such persons, in some degree, become as “saviors on Mount Zion” by helping to bring salvation to a lineage.

I have had the privilege of knowing many such individuals people whose backgrounds are full of incredible pain and humiliation. I think of a young woman who was repeatedly abused sexually by her father. When at last she gained the courage to tell her mother, the girl was angrily beaten and rejected by her.

These experiences made the girl bitter and self-doubting. Yet, despite all odds, she has made peace with God and found a trustworthy husband with whom she is raising a righteous family. Moreover, she has dedicated her energies to helping other women with similar backgrounds eliminate the poison from their own lineages.

I think of a young man whose mother died when he was twelve and whose father responded to that loss by locking his son in his room, then drinking and entertaining women in the house. When he would come to let the boy out, he would beat him senseless, sometimes breaking bones and causing concussions.

As might be expected, the young man grew up full of confusion, self-hate, and resentment. Yet the Lord did not leave him so, but provided friends and opportunities for growth. Today, through a series of spiritually healing miracles, this young man is preparing for a temple marriage to a good woman. Together they are committed to bringing children up in righteousness and gentleness and love.

In a former era, the Lord sent a flood to destroy unworthy lineages. In this generation, it is my faith that he has sent numerous choice individuals to help purify them.

In the days of Jeremiah, the Lord used some of the same language he would later use in speaking to Ezekiel:

“In those days they shall say no more, The fathers have eaten a sour grape, and the children’s teeth are set on edge. But every one shall die for his own iniquity: every man that eateth the sour grape, his teeth shall be set on edge.” (Jer. 31:29–30.)

Then he went on to say of this new, covenant generation: “I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people.” (Jer. 31:33.)

Most of us, I believe, are acquainted with one or more of these valiant, struggling spirits. In the latter stages of their progress, they are easy to recognize and appreciate. But sometimes in the early stages they are suffering so much from their terrible wounds that it takes a mature degree of spiritual sensitivity to see past the bitterness and pain to discern the purity of spirit within. It is our duty and our privilege to befriend such individuals and to provide whatever assistance and support we can in helping them to achieve their high destiny.

Others of us may be, ourselves, the suffering messengers of light. Let us be true to our divine commission, forgoing bitterness and following in our Savior’s footsteps."

the rock

I Will Not Fail Thee

Derek Hegsted

i love this painting. it has always been one of my favorites. i first came across this painting when i was in jr high, one of the darkest times of my life.

last night when i wrote that post on depression, i was in a deep pit of despair and frustration. today i woke up feeling much the same way. but i decided i'm not going to allow that to continue. i'm going to do what i can to pull myself out of this rut. i know i cannot do this by myself. i have my wonderful husband who is there for me. who is taking me out to dinner to get me out of the house, spending money we don't really have, to help me feel better.

i also have the lord. i was going through my SOLE manual (read more about SOLE here) and came across this story.

The Rock (Author Unknown)

There is a story told by a Father Mary about a man who was asleep one night in his cabin, when suddenly his room filled with light and the Savior appeared. The Lord told him he had a work for him to do, and showed him a large rock explaining that he was to push against that rock with all his might.

This the man did, and for many days he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulder set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the rock pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.

Seeing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, Satan decided to enter the picture, placing thoughts in the man's mind such as, "Why kill yourself over this; you're never going to move it," or "Boy, you've been at it here a long time and you haven't even scratched the surface," etc. giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was an unworthy and unprofitable servant because he wasn't moving the massive stone. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man and he started to ease up in his efforts. "Why kill myself," he thought, "I'll just put in my time putting forth just the minimum and that will be good enough." And that he did, or at least planned on doing until one day he decided to take his troubles to the Lord. "Lord," he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting forth all of my strength to do that which you have asked me. Yet after all this time I haven't even budged that rock half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am i failing?"

To this the Lord responded compassionately, "My friend...when long ago I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you to push against the rock with all of your strength, and that you have done. But never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it! At least not all by yourself. Your task was to push! And now you come to me, your strength spent, thinking that you had failed and ready to quit. But is that really so? Look at yourself, your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewed and brown. Your hands are calloused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much and your ability now far surpasses that which you used to have. Yet you still haven't succedded in moving the rock, and you come to me now with a heavy heart and your strength spent. I, my friend, will move the rock. Your calling was to be obedient and push, and to exercise your faith and trust in my wisdom." (emphasis added)

how true that is in life. the lord has allowed me this burden, this depression, these traumas. he has given me the opportunity to grow and change for the better. it is so difficult. so hard. so unbearably HARD. but just like the man in the story, i know that after i give everything i have, when my strength is spent, the Lord will move my rock. i only have to put my trust in Him and do what He has asked me to do. i have to have faith that He will help me. this is, perhaps, the most difficult thing. i want to be in control of my life. i have such difficulty giving up my will to the Lord. but when i have in the past, the Lord has helped me. i just need to get to that point once again.

"[Cast] all your care upon him; for he careth for you" (1 Peter 5:7)