Monday, September 28, 2009

today is september 28th

today is my due date.

and not a contraction in sight.


i am wallowing in the self-pity today although i am trying not to. i'm huge and uncomfortable and soooooo ready to pop this baby out. i'm torturing myself by watching a baby story and birth day on discovery health. mostly because there is nothing else on tv at this time of day and little buddy is napping...and partially because i can sit here and whine about how these women get to have babies, why can't i already? whine, whine, whine, sigh, sigh, get the picture.

it is hard to believe that we will have two kids. i'm excited and anxious for our baby girl to be born, and not just because i'm in pain physically. i'm also scared to death. i have always struggled with feelings of inadequacy, and being a mother seems to magnify that at times. quite often i feel i am an inadequate mother, and now i will be responsible for two children, for their health and happiness.

the good thing is my husband is an amazing father. he is so good with little buddy, and he works so hard for our family to make sure we have what we need. our kids are so lucky to have him--and so am i.

i will probably struggle with feeling inadequate for my entire life. but i know that i have a family that loves me, and that makes things infinitely better. i am so blessed to have such a beautiful family and i can't wait to have our second child join us.


VICKI IN AZ said...

Hi Cornnut!!!
Thanks for the update. Sorry for the SUCKY news I mean the part about no contractions!!!
I am very happy for you and your new addition too. I remember when I was at your season in motherhood. That child now has his own child and has made me a Grandma. I am so glad that you have the Gospel which gives hope. I know that I can't even imagine going through this healing thing while I was having my children. I had all four of my kids and my baby was one before I had my first therapy session.
You are STRONG!! You are amazing. And I am here for you. I really hope that you will ask if you need anything I can provide, support of any kind. Even if you just want my # so that you can call if you are going crazy and need me to remind you that it IS ok to call your VT and ask her to take the kids for an hour or two.
Thinking of you and sending ♥

Enola said...

And one year ago I was exactly where you are. Yep, baby overdue, feeling miserable, watching Baby story (don't you love TLC). I can tell you that one year out, I have nary a memory of that waiting. This last year has gone by so fast. Just hang in there.

SapphireDreams said...

Aww Sorry 2 hear the missed due date! You will be so happy when she is here. I am sure you are a very good mother and very adequate. Hang in there!!
Dont let those feelings get you down too much. Wishing you a happy and safe delivery. Good Luck