busy busy

whew...it has been a busy week.

as i mentioned before, princess has been sick. congested and such. she is doing better today, thank goodness. but we did have to take her to the hospital twice to have her poor little lungs suctioned. i felt so bad for her...she was pretty pissed. i would be too, if i had a tube stuck up my nose and down my throat!

well just as princess is starting to get better, buddy is coming down with the same thing. poor kid is coughing and congested too. but unlike his sister, he is a snotty mess. i've never had to deal with runny noses and toddlers before but let me tell you...gross.

i've also had two (that's right, two) separate cases of food poisoning this week. NOT. FUN. i swear i will never eat chicken again.

wednesday was little buddy's birthday party. we had it at the local cabela's store and it was a blast!

friday was his birthday. i cannot believe that he is two already. my baby is growing up!

also on friday we did the final walk through of our new apartment. i cannot even begin to tell you how stinkin' excited i am to move out of this basement and have our own place again. it is so nice, and so much space! i can't wait!

moving day is now less than a week away. i have lots of packing to do. so i guess i better run and get to it!

being a mother

sometimes being a mother is so hard.

don't get me wrong. i wouldn't trade my kids for ANYTHING. being a mom is the best thing in the whole world. i love them to death and i love being a mom. but that doesn't make it easy.

my poor baby is sick again. she's got bronchiolitis. coughing, chest congestion...no fun. this poor little girl is sick all the time, i swear! it breaks my heart every time she coughs. i feel so helpless...there's nothing i can do. i just want to take it all away from her.

little buddy just got over being sick, too. some kind of stomach flu. poor kid. he spent a day vomiting. one good thing about it, he was sick enough to want to cuddle. he sat in bed with me and cuddled a whole morning! he hasn't done that since he was a baby. i'm glad he's doing better.

i took princess to the doctor today, since she is sick. i'm sure i looked rather comical. little buddy has discovered a new game. when you hold his hand so he can walk, he goes limp in the knees and throws himself on the ground. pretty frustrating when you're in the middle of a parking lot. so...i picked him up. i wish someone would have taken a picture of this. i had a giant (and i mean giant) diaperbag and my very large purse (which is, in fact, a cool looking laptop bag, just to tell you how big it is) on one shoulder. in my arms, a squirming toddler who is very large for his age. i was clutching his pants and holding on for dear life. poor kid probably had the wedgie from hell. in the other hand, i was toting princess' carseat. this girl weighs nearly sixteen pounds. she is not light. so, hip jutted out trying to keep little buddy from slipping, his pants scrunched up, hauling a heavy carseat, and frazzled because buddy is squirming, baby is coughing, and we better hurry up because there's a car coming....i can only imagine what it looked like.

friday is little buddy's birthday. he will be two. i really just want to cry about it. does that make me pathetic? i'm sure it does. my baby is growing up. he's becoming more independent. he refuses help now going down the stairs. "no! no! no!" is what i hear from him, all day, because he wants to do it himself. he's so big! so grown up! i just can't believe it. i just want to hold him and cuddle him and have him be my baby boy forever.

on the other hand, i sure can't wait for the toddler tantrums to pass. the whining...the not listening...well, on the other hand, i guess that doesn't really go away, does it? i still don't listen to my parents, haha. and i'm sure hubby will gladly attest to my whining.

i wish i could make my kids eternally happy. i don't ever want them to be sick, or hurt, or upset, or scared. i don't want them to experience all of the terrible things that i have, that their daddy has. i want to protect them from the scary parts of the world. i want them to learn, and grow, and be healthy and safe and secure and confident. too bad keeping them in a padded room won't foster that...at least they'd be safe, right?

everyone told me how hard being a parent would be. i knew it would be hard. but i was not prepared for how hard it actually would be. and i'm not just talking about screaming babies at 3 am, and diaper blowouts in the middle of the car shop, and carrying a toddler and a baby, and living on little sleep, and the money, and all. i'm talking about how hard it is to watch your child and know all of the terrible things that are out there in the world. to see your sweet baby be sick and know there isn't a thing you can do about it. to watch your son fall on the sidewalk and scrape his hand...to hurt for the damage they will incur from society, from the hard knocks of life. to worry about their happiness. to wonder if they will be teased in school, if they will have friends, what kind of things they'll be up against, just to be who they are. my heart aches with the desire to protect them from every negative thing out there.

sigh. i better stop this line of thinking before it gets out of hand.

how do you be a parent, knowing that such bad things are out there, and still be okay?

i can't imagine how my parents must have felt when they found out they had failed to protect me from my uncle...what a betrayal of trust, what a massive blow, knowing that their baby was hurt and they hadn't prevented it.

i don't know what i would do if i found out someone hurt my babies like that.

guess you could all visit me in prison.

bob the fish and other random tales

we got a new fish.

it's been eight months since the passing of thor, apollo, and the-third-fish-whose-name-i-don't-remember. since i can't seem to keep bettas alive, we got a goldfish. little buddy named him bob. bob the goldfish has lived three days so far and seems to be doing well. no fungus like my bettas. this is a good sign. i'm still not getting attached to the darn thing since i cried and cried over my dumb bettas and i'm expecting the goldfish to die at any second. we will have to see how long he lasts.

i've decided winter needs to be over. yes, i know it's only january, but i am so sick of winter. i can't wait for spring and warmer weather and being outside.

little buddy, who is not quite two, now knows his entire alphabet. i, as his mommy, am busting with pride. can you believe it? what a genius my kid is. he also recognizes the ASL alphabet although he can't sign them yet. he learns new signs and new words on a constant basis now. he also knows his numbers up to ten. how many one year olds can do that?

princess is huge. i can't believe she is almost four months old now. she is very big for her age and i've got calluses on the inside of my knuckles from lugging her heavy car seat around. she is the prettiest baby i ever saw, with the biggest smile and wide blue eyes. and she sure loves her mommy. she loves me so much that i'm the only one who can calm her down and put her to sleep. it gets kind of frustrating because i have to be with her all the time and my arms get sore, but it's nice to know she feels safe with me.

i'm just starting to get over some nasty cold virus. like always, i catch EVERYTHING that goes around. (in fact, i'm pretty shocked i haven't caught the swine flu yet.) hubby gets it and is sick for four days. i get it and i'm sick for a week and a half. yucky coughing, headache, sore throat, congestion...gross. i can't wait until it goes away completely.

hubby got a new iphone and it is pretty darn awesome. little buddy likes to play toddler games on it, hubby can download books to read, and he's got some cool apps. it's nice having the internet with us everywhere we go, too, so we can look up phone numbers and addresses and such. i will hopefully be getting one in march when i'm due for an upgrade and i'm excited.

well i'm off to update our family's blog with pictures from the aquarium. little buddy had so much fun looking at the fish. i love going fun places with my family...i am so lucky to have such cute kids and such a great husband!

seventy-five percent!

(sidenote: i have 50 followers now! woo! i feel so validated in my ramblings and attention-seeking...haha!)

today i am 30 weeks pregnant. that means i am 75% of the way there. 3/4 of the way done. 10 weeks. maybe less...who knows. little buddy came at 39 weeks 6 days, the day before his due date. as long as it's not more than 10 weeks i'll be happy. :) it's kind of hard to believe that i'm 30 weeks along. when i look back over this pregnancy it seems as if it has passed quickly, while at the same time has dragged on because of the illness issues i've had. this last week i've been really nauseated again. i thought it was some kind of virus but now i'm thinking it may be the dreaded morning sickness rearing its ugly head again. ugh.

on the topic of morning sickness: i came across an article shared by someone on a forum i read. it's called: "can morning sickness predict your child's IQ?" (you can download it here if you want.)

"...According to recent findings published in the the Journal of Pediatrics and reported by new Scientist magazine....studies have shown that the children of mothers who experienced morning sickness during pregnancy, were more likely to have a higher IQ than those born to mothers who felt no morning sickness during their pregnancy. There is also believed to be a correlation between the severity of the sickness and the level of intelligence of the child."

sweet. i bet my kids are geniuses.

i'm feeling huge, having trouble bending over and getting up from a sitting position, i can't walk for long periods of time, my back aches, i can't sleep comfortably at night, i get winded easily, i have to pee constantly, and i am getting more excited about this baby to be here. in spite of all of the discomforts of pregnancy i have a much better attitude about it than i did at the beginning.

we're finally moved in

so the move is over.

it went rather smoothly, with the exception of my mom being a pain in the butt for the hour that she was there. after a long and exhausting day....i've had more long and exhausting days trying to put everything together. it's been kind of a challenge to figure out where to put all of our stuff so far. hubby and i have taken a few trips to wal-mart to pick up things to set up the apartment, baby-proof the tvs, and generally get things in order. there is still some work to be done, mostly finish work like moldings, mirror/towel rack/etc. to be put up in bathroom, hang doors, blinds on the windows, and the entry way is still just sheetrock. half of the cabinets need to be put in. the kitchen has been the biggest challenge because we have a lot less space. we are going to get a new table that has storage under it to help. mostly i have to figure out where to put our ginormous microwave and toaster oven since we don't have an actual stove or oven.

it's kind of weird how quiet it is up here. very nice.....no thumping music, screaming neighbor kids, people yelling, cars revving engines, doors slamming, freeway noise, train whistles, construction noise......just silence. the only noise we get is the noise my in-laws make upstairs which is really minimal.

moving day, i didn't get a chance to "say goodbye" to our house. yesterday we went back to pick up four or five things that were left behind. i'm not going to lie....it was hard. i cried. i sat in my son's room and sobbed. two and a half years in that house, and we worked hard to make it a home. it's the only home my son has ever known, and it was obvious how much happier he was in the twenty minutes we were there yesterday than he has been in a few days. that was hard. it's going to take time for him to adjust to a new home, and eventually he won't even remember that house. but i will. i'll remember all of the memories we had there. everything we learned and experienced there, both good and bad. it is a relief to be out of that neighborhood. i know we made the right decision in leaving, but it was a hard decision.

unpacking has been going slowly, it seems. i did finally get our pantry put together, so at least our food is unpacked. i've got piles of boxes that i still need to go through and figure out where to put them. i've got a huge stack of boxes full of baby clothes. i think that sometime soon we are going to need to get a dresser (or two) for the kids. little buddy's clothes are shoved in a three-drawer rubbermaid thing right now. and as he gets bigger, his clothes get bigger, and the drawers don't get bigger. with another baby there will be nowhere to put her clothes. we're also trying to figure out what to do with little buddy's crib, and eventually a second crib, and then toddler bed, and then two toddler beds......hopefully we will be out of this apartment by the time our second is in a toddler bed, but the future is always uncertain. it will be interesting to see what happens with our one-bedroom situation here.

well. i'm off to take a nap. i've been sick today, on top of the exhaustion i've been feeling. luckily hubby will be coming home within the next half hour and little buddy is going down for a nap, too. hooray for nap time.

life lessons from "my name is earl"

today is the day we find out if the baby is a boy or a girl. hopefully the baby will cooperate so we can see! little buddy had himself on display for the whole world, the doctor didn't even have to go looking. he put the ultrasound wand thing down on my stomach and there he was, announcing to everyone he was in fact a boy. this baby seems much different than little buddy already so we will have to see. if you haven't voted in the poll yet you better do it now! tomorrow i will be announcing the good news!

allergies have totally been kicking my rear the past few days. which is really weird considering i have never had allergies before. my nose itches, i'm stuffed up, my throat hurts and is full of junk and i just hate it. those of you who routinely deal with them, i have a new found sympathy for you.

life here just seems to be getting harder and harder. remember how my grandma was really sick? well she's still sick, but at least she is home. we found out a few days ago that my grandpa (on my mom's side) was admitted to the hospital. he was diagnosed with leukemia last summer. within the last month his white blood cell count has tripled and the cancer seems to be spreading very quickly. my parents made a spur-of-the-moment trip to see him, driving 11 hours or so to get there.

and things on the housing front aren't going well. our house still hasn't sold and we most likely won't be able to move where we originally planned, so we are stressing majorly about finding a place to live that we can afford and is in a good neighborhood.

stress. stress. stress. i could use a break every once in awhile, ya know?

last night though, we were watching that show "my name is earl" and he said something that really stood out to me. for those of you who haven't seen the show, it's pretty darn hilarious. earl used to be a petty criminal and did all kinds of stupid things to random people. he went to jail and saw some talk show on tv where they were talking about karma and decided he was going to turn his life around. so he carries a list of people he hurt while in his bad days around with him. when he finds them he apologizes for whatever he did and does what he can to make it up to them--thus crossing them off his list. anyway...last night the episode was about a preacher he had done a lot of bad things to--stole his organ, stole his tools, knocked him over in a port-a-potty, slept with his wife, and shot out the tail light in his truck. over the course of the show as he remembers these things he's done he tries to apologize and make it up to the guy. when the preacher finds out he slept with his wife he goes ballistic. but then when he realizes that earl was the one who shot out his tail light his attitude changed. it turned out that because of the tail light he was pulled over, then arrested for having all kinds of weapons and such in his truck (he used to be a gangster) and sent to jail. while he was in jail his entire crew was killed, and his life was saved. it was then he changed his life and became a man of god. so he forgave earl, realized it was earl's stupidity that had saved him, and came back.

at the very end, earl talks about how even though the preacher had lost his path, he came back. he said, "that's the beauty of having a path. even if you get lost and stray from it, it's always there waiting for you to come back." (not an exact quote but close enough.)

i really liked that. right now i'm not quite sure what my path is. ultimately i hope it's the path that will get me "home" back to Heavenly Father. i'd like to think it's the path i'm on. but how comforting to know that even if we stray, the path doesn't disappear. we can always find our way back and continue on our journey, no matter how bad things get.

isn't it funny how one line from a comedy tv show can get you thinking?

how about a plus sign?

well i'm at work. i came in yesterday to pick up some pictures and things that i had on my desk, and my boss asked me to cover for the receptionist who is on vacation this week. she is also going to have me do a few things at home for her. i am so happy about this. not only does it mean some extra money (which we badly need) but i have really missed being at work. even though i'm just sitting at the front desk to answer phones, the paralegal i worked for had me do some filing for her because i do such a good job. it's been so nice to hear everyone say they are glad to see me and they have missed me.

the past few days i have been feeling better, too, which is soooo nice, i can't even tell you. headache is still there but not as bad. nausea is still there but i'm keeping most everything down. dizziness sometimes when i stand too fast but i'm trying really hard not to do that.

my grandmother is still in the ICU. we had a scare on sunday--she nearly didn't make it through saturday night. i went to see her yesterday. she is in an extraordinary amount of pain and was in and out of coherency. my grandfather, however, said that she looks better than she had in a few days, ate some pudding (first food since saturday morning) and they were managing her pain pretty well. she has a very long, hard road ahead but i am trying to be optimistic. hubby and i decided that if our baby is a girl we will give her my grandma's name for a middle name. i love my grandma so much and i couldn't bear to lose her right now. she should live another twenty years. i have been praying so hard for her.

well it's about time to go home. thanks for putting up with my complaining. hopefully things will start looking up and my attitude will change--i'm really trying hard to be happier, more optimistic, and a better person.

be still, my soul

haven't posted in awhile. i've been really sick. going to the dr again tomorrow. hubby had to give me an IV to get some fluids in my system....one day i was so weak i couldn't even walk. and my grandma is doing much worse. they didn't think she would make it through the night. we are heading over to the hospital as soon as hubby gets off work. i am scared and worried.

went to a baby blessing this morning. i actually blow dried my hair, did my makeup, and shaved my legs. crazy, i know. i feel better about myself when i get dressed up but hate doing it. on the way there i listened to a CD i got at a youth conference 8 years ago. for the life of me i can't remember the artist's name but the CD is full of beautiful hymn arrangements that are all about the Savior.

i want to share one of my favorite hymns with you...i'm trying to sing it in my head and take the words to heart right now.

be still, my soul: the Lord is on they side;
with patience bear thy cross of grief or pain
leave to thy God to order and provide:
in ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
be still, my soul, thy best, thy heav'nly friend
thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
to guide the future as He has the past.
thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
all now mysterious shall be bright at last.
be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
when we shall be forever with the Lord,
when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
be still, my soul: when change and tears are past,
all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

i'm tired of me whining about everything too

it just seems like i can't catch a break. i know...you're all thinking that i'm obnoxious because all i do is complain. i am annoyed with myself. if i had something else to talk about, believe me, i would.

my mother-in-law is on her way over to watch little buddy so i can go back to bed. i've kept hardly anything down for two days, in spite of the scripts my dr gave me to help with that. i'm going to end up having to get IV infusions because i'm not getting the nutrients i need. luckily my hubby can do it so we just have to buy the supplies instead of paying to have it done. i feel awful again today.

my grandma is not doing well at all. i am extremely upset about it. the prognosis is terrible. she doesn't have much time left. it breaks my heart. hubby was so great last night...just held me and let me cry.

little buddy is sick, too. he's got gastroenteritis. luckily he is acting ok and doesn't have a temp, just a virus. poor kid. he is such a good boy. i am so blessed to have such a wonderful son. right now he is playing by himself so i can rest. he's talking to his tickle me cookie monster. i have so much love in my heart for him. i can't imagine fitting another baby in there too...i'll burst being so full of love.

i sure could use some humor. if anyone has a good joke or a funny story, leave it for me in a comment. thanks.

still stumped on post titles

today i have an appointment with my doctor. i am 11 weeks today. in some ways i feel this pregnancy is dragging on and on, and then when i think about the fact that it's already march 9 and i am nearly in my second trimester i can't believe how fast time flies. with little buddy, my pregnancy was the longest nine months of my life. but this time, i think because i already have one child to take care of, it is going by a little faster.

i am so grateful that i have such a loving and supportive husband. i know that this has been so hard on him. i have been so sick that he has had to take on a lot around the house. in addition to doing more for the baby, plus working 40 hours a week, taking care of me, and sometimes coming home from work early because i just can't take care of little buddy the way he needs. he has been awesome and i couldn't do anything without him. i can't imagine being married to someone who wouldn't help out or would complain about it all the time.

my in-laws and my family have helped, too. my mother in law has come over to help with little buddy and saturday my little brother and sister took turns helping me. i'm so glad that they are close enough to help, and willing to do so. my sister even told me i should call her more. i guess it helps that my son is the most adorable baby in the world and they all love him like crazy.

i really need to get back to work. i know that they are hurting without me there, and we sure need the money. i have been so sick....i just need to figure out a way to get back as soon as i can. luckily i seem to do a little better in the afternoons, when i would be working. mornings are bad and nights are terrible. somehow it will work out. hopefully sooner rather than later.

i am so jealous of all those women who have pregnancies that are easy. even those who are nauseated all the time but still able to handle daily life. if it weren't for these stupid headaches, and the vertigo, and the risk of syncope, i'd be able to deal with the nausea and throwing up without it totally interfering with my life. some women never even have the nausea. i guess it's useless to wish and to be jealous, it won't change anything and really makes me feel worse. i am grateful that i am able to have children. i have so many friends who aren't, or who have had difficulty doing so, and i know how hard it is for them. when i think about that i just feel so guilty for complaining. being a mother is the best thing in the world and i wouldn't give it up for anything.

this post shall be called...untitled.

yesterday we bit the bullet and bought a new computer. we have been having problems with ours for a long time. we bought something smaller and much more inexpensive, but that will be great for internet use and our digital camera. that's pretty much all we use the computer for anyway.

also a little bit of good news on the home selling front. we contested our appraisal and were able to lower it by $4,000 which means we can set the MLS lower. this is a very good thing. we are hoping that we will get more interest in it again.

the past couple of days i have been feeling a little better. yesterday i was well enough to walk around costco for a little bit. today i'm not feeling too great but i'm hoping that will improve as the day goes on.

so now for some help. little buddy has been throwing tantrums lately. hubby and i have read about them and what to do. we think we have some pretty good ideas. anyone else have kids who threw tantrums at 12 months? any ideas on what we should do?

fishy fishy fishy

i apologize for the length between posts recently. i get on every day...and realize i have nothing new to talk (ahem...complain) about and so i don't. still having nightmares. still really sick. gross, gross, gross.

yesterday i was feeling a bit better so we went to the local aquarium as a family. they have a new exhibit open since the last time we went and it was pretty cool. the best part was that little buddy was old enough to sort of understand what was going on. the first time he went, he was maybe five weeks old and slept through most of it. this time, he pointed to the fish and tried to splash in the water at the petting pond. (is that what they're called?) we enjoyed ourselves. by the time we got home, however, my headache was starting to get worse. by the time i went to bed i was seeing flashes of light, had numbness and tingling in my right arm and leg, even some across my abdomen, and i was extremely nauseated. definitely not fun. at least it stayed away long enough for me to get out of the house for a few hours and enjoy my family.

we also had a bit of a scare with our computer this weekend. we kept getting these messages that there had been an internal failure with our hard drive. talk about freak out. luckily my dad was able to help hubby figure out the dos prompts and restore it...there was a file path missing or something. we immediately backed up all of our pictures and video. took me about seven hours to do but we'd been meaning to do it anyway. if we lost all of that we'd be devastated. luckily everything seems to be running fine again. we are thinking about a new computer soon anyway since this one is getting older.

well. i am going to go lay down on the floor and let little buddy climb on me. he rather enjoys that and i still get to lay down. i hope you are all doing well. forgive my absence and lack of comments please!

i'm a winner! (not to be confused with weiner)

okay, so, you're never going to believe this. remember that giveaway i blogged about a few days ago? the one cheryl was having for her birthday?

i totally won! seriously! this adorable onesie and burpcloth for our new little one that is a-cooking in my belly. made by sara at sew sara.

i never win anything. my life has been full of contest disappointments. so on this day, this marvelous day in which i am not deathly ill (thank goodness) i have finally broken my losing streak and won a prize. thanks cheryl!

stupid mortgage company.

have you ever noticed that when something good happens, it seems that something else falls apart completely?

the bank declined the offer on our house. they were not up front with us about exactly what is going on. poor hubby is freaking out. he's over at our realtor's office now trying to figure out what is going on. our house appraised higher than what we were originally "approved" for for a short sale of our house. we had dropped the price drastically on the understanding of what we had been approved. then come to find out, after receiving an offer, they want us to raise the price $15,000. how is raising the price on our house going to increase interest and traffic through it? we are stressing out....how are we going to deal with this financially?

physically i am doing terrible. vertigo is horrible. i haven't passed out again but i am having a hard time moving around. today was the first time i have left the house in awhile, and it was hard. we took little buddy to the doctor for his year check up and shots. poor kid.

we do have another showing for this evening. i need to go pick up the house and do some dishes so it looks nice. good thing is that our realtor explained to these people the situation with the price and they are still interested in looking. hopefully they will like the house. keep your fingers crossed...we could use all the luck we can get!

here we go again...

I am having another difficult day. I have now passed out twice in two days–terrible migraines and weakness on top of it all. I am leaving work early. I just don’t know what to do about this. I need to work–we need the money. But I am feeling so ill I want to lay in bed and cry. Nausea hasn’t been too terrible today which is good. My poor husband is stressed to the max as well. I have got to figure out a way to keep this under control. I’m stressed out and depressed, worried and kind of freaking out about this. Anyone have any ideas?

i'm not sure what to call this one. so this title probably sucks as much as this post.

complaints:
my poor son is sick. he has never been sick--literally. he has had pain from teething and growing. but this time, he's got a fever, he's vomiting, he's sleeping more than usual--poor kid. two days before his birthday and he's ill.

we showed our house three times this last weekend. got emails from our realtor today. turns out the people that looked at it are not interested, because of the neighborhood. surprise, surprise. that's why we're leaving. disappointing because we thought that one of them was going to make an offer.

i am still feeling like crap.

went to work yesterday to find that the office was closed---no one told me.

i've been sleeping like i'm seven months pregnant. can't get comfortable, entire body aches, my stomach hurts, pain sleeping on my back. i'm eight weeks! i shouldn't be having this.

those vitamins i take cuz i'm preggers? nasty.

i'm feeling sorrrrry for myselffffff......

okay enough bitching, now for some happy thoughts.
hubby texted me this morning to tell me we're going out to eat at this fantastic brazilian buffet tonight "because i deserve it." mmmmmmmmmm.

i now have 33 followers, yay!

i got to see my friend steph yesterday which was awesome.

i had kiwi for breakfast. i love kiwi.

yesterday since i didn't have to work, hubby and i went shopping for little buddy's birthday. got some fantastic decorations and fun gifts for him! he gets his own cake, too, and we got fun things to decorate it with. i'm excited for the party we are having for him on saturday!

i have pretty orange daisies on my kitchen table. flowers make me so happy.

for valentine's day, hubby got me bath fizzes. i used one yesterday. it was lavender. i love lavender. and it turned the bathwater purple! it was pretty darn cool.

nothing better to write today...

puke, puke, puke. that is what i want to do. i hate being nauseated like this, yuck. although, i have not thrown up, (yet), which is a good thing i guess. with little buddy i wanted to throw up constantly and quite often i did. it seems to me as if i am not as sick with this pregnancy, although it is just getting started. i may just be remembering wrong. maybe i didn't get sick until later with the first one. hmm. my memory fails me.

today i started taking my new antidepressant. my dr put me on celexa while i am pregnant, a really low dose, with the hope and goal that i will go off of it during the third trimester to prevent problems for the baby. i am hoping it will help. the past few weeks have been harder depression-wise.

so there is a lady my hubby works with that has been lending me books. she's the one that lent me the twilight books to read. then she sent home eragon with my husband. now, normally, i don't care for those kinds of books. i did not like lord of the rings. this series is along the same lines. i read eragon and liked it okay, definitely not my favorite book, but not bad. then she sent the second one, eldest. i finished it last night. let me tell you, i really got into that one. maybe about a fifth of the way through i was thinking it was going to be okay, like the first. nope. way more interesting. i couldn't put it down! now i've got to wait for the third one, which i think is called brisingr. i honestly don't even know how many books are in the series. but the end of the second one left me kind of hanging and i have got to know what happens next!

tax return, tax return, tax return came today. hooray for paying off bills and credit cards....and for going out to eat on valentine's day! we weren't going to do anything but then hubby decided instead of running away to sea world (which is what we wanted to do) and blowing it all, we should go out to eat. so he is taking me to red lobster....YUM....because we both LOVE seafood and i think the shrimp there is fan-freaking-tastic. i love it when they do the all you can eat shrimp buffet. yesterday we went to wal-mart, split up and bought valentine gifts for each other. i'm pretty sure he'll like what i got him. :)

so my baby turns a year old in less than a week. i can't believe it. a year ago today i was begging my doctor to induce me because i was so uncomfortable and READY for that baby to be here. i wanted to cry when my dr said he wouldn't induce me until i was at least 41 weeks. but then little buddy was born the day before his due date--i was 39 weeks and six days along when he came into the world. oh man i'm going to cry. i better save the tears for his birthday on the 19th.

well i think i better stop rambling. i wanted to write something a little more heartfelt and serious today, but i just can't. i'm not sure if it's because i'm afraid to because i'll end up crying (stupid hormones) or if it's because i don't know what to say, how to describe what's going on in my head right now. maybe tomorrow something better will spew forth from my keyboard.

it's TWINS!

just kidding! i got you there though, didn't i?

we went to the dr yesterday and had our first ultrasound done. everything is looking good, only one baby (thank goodness). we heard the baby's heartbeat and it was awesome. the baby is at the bottom of the uterus. our dr said it's "slumming" down there at the bottom...haha!

having a second kid is so much easier. dr knows me, my history, no pelvic exam, no rush on blood work (i'm waiting until next month) etc. the dr suggested acupuncture or hypnosis to help with my migraines. luckily they haven't been too bad so far. nausea sucks, but no throwing up. i threw up a lot with little buddy. just an overall feeling of malaise, the nausea and low grade headaches, sore muscles and being tired. but i am capable of functioning at home and work, which i am so grateful for.

dr also said it was okay for me to go back on my antidepressants. instead of the effexor i will be taking celexa. i took celexa for years, started in 9th grade and took it up through my freshman year of college. it works for me and so i am optimistic. limited side effects and it should affect the baby. he would like me to try and wean off it during the third trimester, but if i have to be on it then it will still be okay. my psychiatrist doesn't want me taking my anxiety med or nightmare meds though, which so far hasn't been too bad. i've had nightmares but nothing too terrifying. hasn't interfered a whole lot with my sleep. and only one panic attack so far. i think the exhaustion from being pregnant has helped me to sleep better at night so far.

i have had really tight muscles in my shoulders and it has been very painful. i didn't have a whole lot of that with little buddy. lucky for me my father in law is a physical therapist, and has his own business. they have massage therapists there that i can see. my in laws don't charge me my copay, so it's free. they just bill the insurance and take care of the rest. isn't that awesome? i'm going in tomorrow night to see if i can get some of my shoulder and back muscles a bit looser.

also another pregnancy annoyance--nasal congestion. and nosebleeds. i hated that last time and i still do. every morning i wake up all stuffed up and my throat hurts because of it. it usually fades within an hour but man is it obnoxious. and getting random bloody noses isn't fun either.

as far as cravings go, i've been drinking a ton of milk. and eating fruit. and other random things that i've seen on tv and such. i want to puke every time i see an arby's commercial, weird because that was one of my cravings last time. curly fries. and now i'm saying YUCK. smell of onions makes me ill. garlic a bit too. and italian food sounds sickening to me. macaroni and cheese sounds yummy. with little buddy i drank tons of slurpees. i would be drinking them a lot with this one too, helps the nausea, but it adds up.

my official due date is september 28th now. i'm really looking forward to getting out of the first trimester, which isn't too far away. i'm glad i haven't been as sick so far with this pregnancy. hopefully it will continue that way.

did any of you who have been pregnant have weird things going on? good/bad symptoms, illnesses, etc?

the countdown

so today I am six weeks and one day pregnant. I am nauseated. I have a headache. I want to crawl in bed and hide there.

I told my hubby: only 34 weeks to go! and he rolled his eyes and told me he was going to put me in isolation for the next 8 months if I keep it up.

I’m ornery. I’m tired. I’m moody as hell.

I remember why I hated being pregnant so much.

I had bad morning sickness (morning! ha! try all day and all night sickness) until I was 24 weeks along with little buddy. then things got a lot better. my second trimester was great. headaches mostly gone. I wasn’t throwing up all the time. I wasn’t so big I was uncomfortable or in pain. the baby had started moving, we found out it was a boy, and I was so excited.
so I guess if we’re counting down, we should count down to that:

only 8 weeks to go until my second trimester…

sick sick sick halloween sick sick sick

i feel like i've been neglecting my blog foreverrrrrr....but it's only been a few days. i opened my google reader today and was blasted by almost 50 unread items. 50! needless to say...i didn't read them all.

i have been sick. sick, sick, sick, and for awhile there i thought i was going to diiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. okay, i was being dramatic. food poisioning or some kind of bug or something. but miserable. i woke up about 5 am halloween morning sicker than a dog. spent almost all day in bed moaning and complaining. hubby came home from work early to help take care of the baby and take care of me. sweet man, he is. i missed my work party...we missed taking the baby in his costume to hubby's work, and all in all it was a pretty disappointing day. we made an appearance at a party some friend's of ours had that night because i was feeling a little better, and since it was little buddy's first halloween (and we bought costumes) we wanted to show him off. poor hubby, i know he was disappointed. so was i. halloween is, after all, my favorite holiday of the year, and i spent it wishing i could be put out of my misery.

but on the plus side, hubby as a banana and little baby as a monkey were the cutest things in the world! i went as a zookeeper (harhar) and although i was pale and dehydrated and falling over i think the three of us were pretty darn good looking. but can you seriously believe it's november already? i sure can't. time has gone by so freaking quickly.

well, i'm back off to bed. it's 2:30 in the afternoon. little buddy is napping and i will be shortly. (still feel like i got hit with a truck, although i can actually keep big people food down. yay!)

just a little sidenote--kathleen who blogs at so grateful to be mormon has gone missing. her family has no idea where she is or what happened to her. at this point she has been gone nearly a week. she is a sweet and kind woman. please pray for her. even if you don't believe in prayer--it couldn't hurt. send all of your good vibes to her and her family. we are all hoping they will find her safe.