art journal entries from my kids

 my little ones love to watch me draw and doodle in my art journal.  so much that i let them add their own artwork.

this one is by Buddy (age 5).  he drew our family.  i'm blue, princess is green, and he and hubby are orange.  he also drew our cat and dog.

the next two are by princess (age 3).  the first one is daddy laying down in the grass.

 this one is me hugging andrew, and she is playing.

i love seeing their drawings and hearing the stories they tell to me about them.

last night i was hugging my little boy and he said, "mommy, i love you SOOO much i can't EVEN stop!"

i just love my babies.

the energy in my soul

sometimes i am so overwhelmed with love and pride in my children i can't breathe.

being a mother is the most amazing thing in the world.

i myself am made of flaws

 one of the things my art journal has allowed me to do is reflect on myself in a different way.  in a regular journal, of which i have stacks and stacks of, i mostly write about what i did, where i went, and how i feel about it.  or i write pages and pages about how depressed i am.  in my art journal, it's a different story--it's a story of me.  i'm sure someone who read my journals would know a part of me, someone who looked at my art journal would probably understand me better.

and i've begun to understand myself better, too.

in high school i did a lot of self-portraits.  mostly reflections on the inner turmoil i was dealing with--undiagnosed bipolar disorder, depression, PTSD, self-loathing and normal teenage angst, all wrapped up into one enormous dysfunctional 17-year-old.  now that i am an adult, on appropriate medication, have moved on from the abuse and generally less dysfunctional, it is interesting to me to see the different way i am portraying myself.  there are a lot more words, and a lot more colors involved.

so who am i, really?  a wife, a mother, a woman, an artist.  these are all labels, all things i do--important things.  but what's underneath that?

i'm a person, i struggle with self-esteem.  i don't really like the way i look.  i think i'm witty sometimes, and i can be funny.  i'm smart.  i have artistic talent, which i am trying to hone.  i am a creative person, and i'm outgoing.  i love people.  i'm generally an optimist, when i'm not struggling with mental illness.

so the thing is....i'm made up of a lot of things.  genetics.  experiences.  what i've seen, heard, and felt.  what i believe.  my convictions, ethics, and values.  i change, i adapt, i learn, i grow.  i'm not perfect, but i want to be better than i was, and better than i am.  tomorrow, next week, next month, next year...i will be different--but deep down, still the same person.

i, myself, am made of flaws.  stitched together with good intentions.

and they call it sharpie love

i'll bet you didn't know i love sharpies.

you did? 

well, i guess i haven't mentioned it before, huh?  :)

see these two beautiful new packages of multi-colored sharpies?  they're my new favorites.  hubby told me he'd give me $10 if i let him try to drop a candy into my mouth from two feet away....from his mouth.  yeah, he missed.  but i still got $10.  and two new packages of sharpies.  yay, me!

i think the sharpie people should pay me, because i promote their products so much.

winner winner, chicken dinner

thanks to everyone who took the time to enter my giveaway!  it really means a lot to me, it makes me feel loved and supported.  :)  so thank you so much.

the big winner of the painting....

kyleigh!  congrats!  
you will soon be sporting a brand spaking new "cornnut original" on your wall.  lucky you!  hehe.

the big winner of the art journal....

tiffany! 
thanks for all of the awesome comments you left!

and since my other entrants are also pretty darn cool, you also win!  i'll be making you each a mini art journal.

congrats, jasui and keri!

thank you so much to the four of you for being such good friends.

send me an email at cornnut32@gmail.com with your mailing address and what you would like your original painting/art journal entry to consist of.

love you all tons!

missing you

two years ago today my grandma passed away.

i miss her every single day.

i love you, grandma.

relaxing...

the time just after the kids fall asleep and hubby is done studying is often the highlight of my day.  it's when i get to just relax and BE.  sometimes hubby and i watch netflix or play a game.  sometimes he surfs the internet while i read or draw, or he plays video games while i sit next to him and relax.

pretty much every night, though, i do at least one crossword.  hubby lovingly teases me and calls me an old lady, but hey--i won't be getting alzheimer's at a young age!

music is something that means so much to me.  i play the piano, and having music come from my fingers is something i don't take for granted.  listening to music really affects my mood.  it makes me happy, silly, sad, reflective, calm, or even angry.  but music, all kinds of music, can bring joy not only to me, but to everyone in the world.

 and, of course, the thing that relaxes me the most is sleep.  lots and lots of sleep.  long naps, short naps, cat naps, all night long...i LOVE to sleep!  and believe me, nothing helps you feel better about yourself and about your life than sleep.  it really does solve everything!

what do you do to relax?

hubby's contributions to my art journal

 the other night i asked hubby to contribute to my art journal.  i told him to draw whatever he wanted.  hubby is a genius--a scientific mind, but not an artist.  i am very proud of him for drawing in my art journal for me, when it's something he doesn't enjoy doing. 

this one, "tough love," started out as a heart.  then he put arms on it and decided that the heart looked strong now so he called it "tough love."  hehe.

the second one he drew was about me, and what he thinks and feels about me.  i love it.  it's a colorful and happy butterfly, just emerged from its cocoon.

i think i've left my dark past in my cocoon behind, and now i'm flying forward into my life.

thanks, babe.  

all you need is love....love is all you need

being a mother is the most difficult and most amazing thing i've done.  every day i am responsible for not only taking care of the physical needs of my children, but also their emotional needs--and teaching them to be fine, upstanding members of society.  it's hard.  i lose patience sometimes.  i just want to turn on the tv some days.  i try very hard to play with them, or plan projects or games, or do arts and crafts....but frankly, there are times where just giving them food and keeping them from killing each other is the best i can do.

but then i remember....

....and then everything is much easier.  no one could love my children more than hubby and i do.  no one could be a better mother to them than me--because they are a part of me.  they mean everything to me and i would die for them.  so even when princess is throwing toys at buddy's head and he is screaming hysterically and all i want to do is scream, i just need to remember that LOVE is all i need.

finding something beautiful

one of the things i've struggled with my entire life (at least as far back as i can remember) is self-esteem, especially when it comes to my appearance.  after my babies were born it got worse.  suddenly my entire body changed--and not for the better, in my opinion.  things were suddenly sagging and no longer where they should be.  i had a major layer of extra fat, and skin covered in stretch marks.  for the last five years i've hated the way my stomach looks.

i came across a photograph of a woman's stomach that looked much like mine on pinterest awhile ago.  along with it were these words:

A mark for every breath you took, every blink, every sleepy yawn.  One for every time you sucked your thumb, waved hello, closed your eyes and slept in the most perfect darkness.  One for every time you had the hiccups.  One for every dream you dreamed within me.

It isn't very pretty anymore.  Some may even think it ugly.  That's okay.  It was your home.  It's where I first grew to love you, where I lay my hand as I dreamed about who you were and who you would be.  It held you until my arms could, and for that, I will always find something beautiful in it.

now, when i look in the mirror, i try to remember these words.

things i love

being the kind of person that i am, i feel passionately about things.  typically this means i either love something or hate something....or am totally ambivalent.  there aren't many "in-between" emotions.  and, sometimes, i can feel passionately about something and both love and hate it.

it is (generally) in my nature to be an optimist.  often this drives hubby nuts...because he worries, and i just say, "everything will be fine."  or he's stressed about something, and i just say, "no worries, relax.  everything will work out."  we balance each other pretty well in that regard, i think.

there are a lot of things i love.  a few days ago, the kids and i made "things i love" hearts.  theirs turned out pretty awesome, i have to say.

here is mine.  of course, there are a thousand more things i could have listed, but these are the things that stood out to me that day.

but of course, the thing i love most...my man.

studmuffin hubby + cornnut forever, baby.

so what do you love?  what would you include in your heart?  make one and share!

blackbird

this song is so beautiful to me.....listening to it makes me feel so happy, and so inspired.

just thought i'd share a little of that inspiration with you.







(if you haven't seen Across the Universe, you definitely should....LOVE that movie.)

rainbows and books

 this art journal thing is pretty awesome.  i'm really enjoying myself.

found this quote on pinterest...turned it into my own work of art.  i like this...it's good to remember.  the hard times, the scary things, the unknown--they all lead to the good things in life.  new experiences, new people, new chances to learn.

another idea from pinterest--these are my children's hands.  optical illusion....they bring color and life and a thousand shades of emotion to my life.

and this one is just self-explanatory.  :)

anyone else out there use an art journal?

5th birthday

today my little buddy turned 5.

exactly five years ago at this moment, i was holding my brand new baby boy...only 3 hours old.  and marveling at the tiny creature that had come from me.

today i held my big five year old...and marveled at how grown up he is.  how intelligent, and sweet, and sensitive...and that he came from me.

i am so proud to be the mother of this amazing little boy....who isn't so little anymore.

five years old.....

art journaling: the beginnings

a few days ago i decided that i was going to start creating more art.  i've been a bit more prolific with my art production in the last few months with my painting (more on that in another post), which is awesome, but pulling my paints out and getting everything together isn't very convenient sometimes.  hauling a sketchbook and prismas around is more so.

i've posted about how much i love pinterest before (it's a creative person's paradise).  after seeing examples of art journals i decided i wanted to create my own.  many of the art journals i've seen are very beautiful--and very elaborate!  i don't have hours a day to devote to an art journal entry, not to mention the right kind of sketchbook and supplies.  so i'm doing an art journal MY way, with my choice of materials.

this sketchbook is a really nice one--and one that my AP art teacher gave me when i graduated high school in 2004.  (yes, i've been holding on to it that long!)  when i opened it up there were two drawings in it (rather ugly ones, i might add).  out they went.  i typically don't like to rip pages out of bound sketchbooks but i made an exception in this case.  it has probably 200 pages of plain paper in it.  perfect.

my choice of media is pretty typical for me as well--prismacolor pencils (both standard and verithin) and sharpies.  i LOVE sharpies.  colored sharpies, black sharpies, thick sharpies, thin sharpies, angled sharpies, paint sharpies, fabric sharpies....i love how smooth they are on paper, and the way they smell, and the brightness of the colors.

and thus my art journal was born.

this was my first page--an illustration of what is most important to me.

it is true...what i love most about my home is who i share it with.

my handsome, genius, hardworking husband.  my sweet, intelligent son.  my spitfire, loving daughter.

my home wouldn't be HOME without them.