the time just after the kids fall asleep and hubby is done studying is often the highlight of my day. it's when i get to just relax and BE. sometimes hubby and i watch netflix or play a game. sometimes he surfs the internet while i read or draw, or he plays video games while i sit next to him and relax.
pretty much every night, though, i do at least one crossword. hubby lovingly teases me and calls me an old lady, but hey--i won't be getting alzheimer's at a young age!
music is something that means so much to me. i play the piano, and having music come from my fingers is something i don't take for granted. listening to music really affects my mood. it makes me happy, silly, sad, reflective, calm, or even angry. but music, all kinds of music, can bring joy not only to me, but to everyone in the world.
and, of course, the thing that relaxes me the most is sleep. lots and lots of sleep. long naps, short naps, cat naps, all night long...i LOVE to sleep! and believe me, nothing helps you feel better about yourself and about your life than sleep. it really does solve everything!
"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
Berthold Auerbach
i began playing the piano so long ago i don't remember much about it, other than the fact that my dad tried to teach me at first and i had to sit on a phone book so i could reach the keyboard. i think i was four or five. my dad worked and didn't have much time to teach me (and i had a hard time listening to him), so i began taking from a woman in our neighborhood...then a more professional teacher...then so on until the age of 16 when i stopped taking lessons.
once i was competent enough to sight read most of what i wanted to play, or pick through more difficult songs, i really fell in love with the piano. it became a sanctuary, a haven for me when life was tumultuous. it was one of few things that i could lose myself in and forget life for just a few moments. reading...art...music. i can actually remember a few times i got up in the middle of the night to play, using the quiet pedal and tapping the keys as softly as i could so i didn't disturb anyone. as far as i know no one in my family was aware....which is no mean feat considering my parents' bedroom was not far and i have four siblings.
when i moved out, i went to live with my aunt for a summer. she did not have a piano. i missed it. i went to college, lived in the dorms. there were a few pianos made available for students studying music and anyone who wanted to play. they were almost always occupied. and it was in a tiny little sound-proofed room....acoustics were horrible. i didn't play often for several years.
shortly after i married, hubby and i purchased a used piano. it was previously a lab piano at a university and had been well-used. it had a good sound, though, and was fairly inexpensive. a small studio upright. perfect for our small house. it was a piano, and i was thrilled. hubby got out his guitar. we purchased sheet music to our song, and he played the chords on his guitar and i played the piano. i played tons at first...then less often, as life got busy. especially when the babies came. (it's hard to play the piano with a baby....i even attempted strapping little buddy in the carrier to my chest to play. i still play with a child on my lap, vying for the keys as they pound in front of me. those songs don't sound very pretty, i promise.)
in february of 2010, i started teaching piano lessons. i loved it. i loved watching my students learn, and the ones who practiced and began to love it. it was hard on my family though. living in an apartment, having to stay shut in a single room so they wouldn't disturb the lessons. and having students who didn't show. it was difficult. eventually i had to stop teaching. i was working, plus taking care of my family, and i couldn't teach piano as well. the money was very little and not steady because of students being inconsistent. i played a little more while i taught.
lately i've been drawn to the piano more than usual. maybe it's because i'm feeling better. i'm finding even more joy in something that has always been a good thing for me. a few months ago i purchased two new piano books--library of piano classics and piano classics 2. two of the best purchases i have ever made. it is exciting to go through the pages and find new songs to play, and some i learned long ago. several are far beyond my skills as an amateur pianist, but there are a good number within my grasp. i discovered a beautiful and haunting nocturne by chopin, one i hadn't heard before. i am learning to play it. accuracy is coming along although i need to work on the tempo.
for a music class two semesters ago, i had to write a paper on a composer and dissect several of his or her compositions. i chose to study camille saint-saens, a french composer in the early 1900s. i knew very little of him, but loved his romantic melodies. i was excited to find his piece "the swan" in the books, and have been working on it as well.
and..."clair de lune," one of my favorites, and difficult for me. it is one that will take hours of practice to learn. very hard to do when i only get twenty minutes here and there to play.
then, another i've loved to play lately, the waltz "the beautiful blue danube." this is a fun one, and relatively easy for me to play.
i'd also love to learn to play this nocturne, another by chopin.
i am drawn to these nocturnes....they express my feeling so well, so much better than i can in words or gestures. in some ways, even better than art. art can sometimes be frustrating...the finished result rarely ends up what is envisioned in my head. music, however, has already been written for me. it is left to me to learn and practice the mechanics of it in order to produce the desired result, but not the creation of it. both art and music serve their purposes well for me and my ability to express myself.
i hope you will take the time to listen to these pieces. classical music, especially piano music, has a very calming effect on me, and brings such joy to me. i hope that these songs will do the same for you.
i believe everyone has a means of expression. using the work of others, like with music: singing, playing an instrument, or even listening to a song that speaks to you. writing, or reading, or acting, or creating visual arts, or sewing, or whatever it is. an escape...or a way to speak.
how do you express yourself? why does that particular method work for you?
for the music class i'm taking i get to listen to a huge variety of music. today i listened to carl orff's "o fortuna" from carmina burana. this is a song i'm sure you've heard but not many will recognize it by name. i've heard it used in a number of movies, and really loved getting to listen to the whole thing today. it is written in latin, but i looked up the translation. it is hauntingly beautiful and i LOVE it.
Latin poem the lyrics are taken from:
O Fortuna
velut luna
statu variabilis,
semper crescis
aut decrescis;
vita detestabilis
nunc obdurat
et tunc curat
ludo mentis aciem,
egestatem,
potestatem
dissolvit ut glaciem.
Sors immanis
et inanis,
rota tu volubilis,
status malus,
vana salus
semper dissolubilis,
obumbrata
et velata
michi quoque niteris;
nunc per ludum
dorsum nudum
fero tui sceleris.
Sors salutis
et virtutis
michi nunc contraria,
est affectus
et defectus
semper in angaria.
Hac in hora
sine mora
corde pulsum tangite;
quod per sortem
sternit fortem,
mecum omnes plangite!
English translation:
O Fortune,
like the moon
you are changeable,
always waxing
or waning;
hateful life
first oppresses
and then soothes
as fancy takes it;
poverty
and power
it melts them like ice.
Fate – monstrous
and empty,
you whirling wheel,
stand malevolent,
well-being is vain
and always fades to nothing,
shadowed
and veiled
you plague me too;
now through trickery,
I bring my bare back
to your villainy.
Fate, in health
and in virtue,
is against me,
driven on
and weighted down,
always enslaved.
So at this hour
without delay
pluck the vibrating string;
since Fate
strikes down the strong man,
everyone weep with me!
If I die young bury me in satin Lay me down on a bed of roses Sink me in the river at dawn Send me away with the words of a love song oh oh oh oh
Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother She'll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life, well I’ve had just enough time
If I die young bury me in satin Lay me down on a bed of roses Sink me in the river at dawn Send me away with the words of a love song
The sharp knife of a short life, well I’ve had just enough time
And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger I’ve never known the lovin' of a man But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand There’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well I’ve had just enough time
So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls What I never did is done
A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar They're worth so much more after I’m a gone And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’ Funny when you're dead how people start listenin’
If I die young bury me in satin Lay me down on a bed of roses Sink me in the river at dawn Send me away with the words of a love song oh oh
The ballad of a dove Go with peace and love Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh
The sharp knife of a short life, well I’ve had just enough time
the other night i was driving home from work, and i wasn't in the best of moods. far from it, in fact. i was thinking about death because i tend to do that when things get overwhelming--wondering if life is really worth it, what happens when we die, is death better than life? some would say it's unhealthy for me to think about death. not thoughts of suicide, but of what happens after we leave this life. some say that life, as we know it, is really hell. some days i definitely agree with that stance. other days, though, i think this is a pretty awesome hell if that's what it really is. as i was thinking thoughts along this line, one of my favorite songs came on the radio. one i haven't heard in a long time. as i sang along i really thought about the words.
When I get where I'm going on the far side of the sky. The first thing that I'm gonna do Is spread my wings and fly.
I'm gonna land beside a lion, and run my fingers through his mane. Or I might find out what it's like To ride a drop of rain
Yeah when I get where I'm going, there'll be only happy tears. I will shed the sins and struggles, I have carried all these years. And I'll leave my heart wide open, I will love and have no fear. Yeah when I get where I'm going, Don't cry for me down here.
I'm gonna walk with my grandaddy, and he'll match me step for step, and I'll tell him how I missed him, every minute since he left. Then I'll hug his neck.
Yeah when I get where I'm going, there'll be only happy tears. I will shed the sins and struggles, I have carried all these years. And I'll leave my heart wide open, I will love and have no fear. Yeah when I get where I'm going, Don't cry for me down here.
So much pain and so much darkness, in this world we stumble through. All these questions, I can't answer, so much work to do.
But when I get where I'm going, and I see my Maker's face. I'll stand forever in the light, of His amazing grace. Yeah when I get where I'm going, Yeah when I get where I'm going, there'll be only happy tears. Hallelujah! I will love and have no fear. When I get where I'm going. Yeah when I get where I'm going.
and you know what?
when i get there, whenever that may be, the first thing i'm going to do...
is spread my wings and fly.
when i get where i'm going, by brad paisley, featuring dolly parton
lately we have been turning on music at night for little buddy to calm him down and get him to sleep. one of the cds i put on the mp3 player we keep in his room is the "goodnight baby" cd from signing time. one night i was sitting in bed and the music was coming through the sound monitor. i hadn't actually listened to all the songs on the cd, and i was surprised when i heard rachel coleman singing "angel lullaby," which is a song from "my turn on earth," an LDS play written in the 1970s. (the songwriter for this play, lex de azevedo, is rachel coleman's father. rachel and her sister created signing time.) this song is very special to me, because it is one of the few positive memories i have of my childhood--my mother singing this song to me.
You came from a land where all is light To a world half day and a world half night To guide you by day you have my love And to guard you by night your friends above
So sleep, sleep 'til the darkness ends Guarded by your angel friends So sleep, sleep 'til the darkness ends Guarded by your angel friends
There's one, stands softly by your bed And another sits close with a hand on your head There's one at the window watching for the dawn And one waits to wake you when the night is gone
So sleep, sleep 'til the darkness ends Guarded by your angel friends So sleep, sleep 'til the darkness ends Guarded by your angel friends
this is the only video of the actual song i could find on youtube, i'm not sure who these people are but it's a photo journey of their son.
This is my brand new day starting now I let go the things that weigh me down And rob me of the beauty that's to be found And life all around And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing And as i rise above, my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow like water around The rocks of life won't pull me down I bring the pure flow, drink so deep The river of life, my soul at ease I bring the pure flow like water around The rocks of life won't pull me down I bring the pure flow, rising above The storms of life to live and love
This is my brand new day in the light Troubles rising up on the left and the right I keep my eyes fixed on where i want to go, the rest will follow And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing And as i rise above my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow like water around The rocks of life won't pull me down I bring the pure flow, drink so deep The river of life, my soul at ease I bring the pure flow like water around The rocks of life won't pull me down I bring the pure flow, rising above The storms of life to live and love
This is my brand new day starting now Letting go of the ways that i fall down The old can be made new, the lost can be found, the lost will be found And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing And as i rise above my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow like water around The rocks of life won't pull me down I bring the pure flow, drink so deep The river of life, my soul at ease I bring the pure flow like water around The rocks of life won't pull me down I bring the pure flow, rising above The storms of life to live and love
My soul is at ease and i am free My soul is at ease and i am free This is my day, my soul is at ease and i am free (and i am free, and i am free)
I bring the pure flow like water around The rocks of life won't pull me down I bring the pure flow, drink so deep The river of life, my soul at ease I bring the pure flow like water around The rocks of life won't pull me down I bring the pure flow, rising above The storms of life to live and love
How long will this take? How much can I go through? My heart, my soul aches I don't know what to do I bend, but don't break Somehow I'll get through Cause I have You
And if I had to crawl Well You'd crawl too I stumble and I fall Carry me through The wonder of it all Is You see me through
O Lord, where are you? Do not forget me here I cry in silence Can you not see my tears
When all have left me And hope has disappeared You'll find me here
She never slows down. She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down She won't turn around The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down
So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, what's lost can be found You stand in the rain
She won't make a sound Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down She wants to be found The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.
So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found You stand in the rain
So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down Stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found
So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found You stand in the rain
Tell me that it's gonna be okay Tell me that You'll help me find my way Tell me You can see the light of dawn is breaking Tell me that it's gonna be alright Tell me that You'll help me fight this fight Tell me that You won't leave me alone in this
'Cause I need, I need a hand to hold To hold me from the edge The edge I'm sliding over slow 'Cause I need, I need Your hand to hold To hold me from the edge The edge I'm sliding past Hold on to me
Tell me I can make it through this day I don't even have the words to pray You have been the only One who never left me Help me find the way through all my fears Help me see the light through all my tears Help me see that I am not alone in this
The lights go out all around me One last candle to keep out the night And then the darkness surrounds me I know i'm alive but i feel like i've died And all that's left is to accept that it's over My dreams ran like sand through the fists that i made I try to keep warm but i just grow colder I feel like i'm slipping away
After all this has passed, i still will remain After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain Though it won't be today, Someday i'll hope again And there'll be beauty from pain You will bring beauty from my pain
My whole world is the pain inside me The best i can do is just get through the day When life before is only a memory I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place And though i can't understand why this happened I know that i will when i look back someday And see how you've brought beauty from ashes And made me as gold purified through these flames
After all this has passed, i still will remain After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain Though it won't be today, Someday i'll hope again And there'll be beauty from pain You will bring beauty from my pain
Here i am, at the end of me Tryin to hold to what i can't see I forgot how to hope This night's been so long I cling to Your promise There will be a dawn
After all this has passed, i still will remain After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain Though it won't be today, Someday i'll hope again And there'll be beauty from pain You will bring beauty from my pain
i love pandora. seriously love it...found another great band whose music really speaks to me. be prepared for a lot of their music over the next few days...and check them out on youtube, it's worth it.
She feels lost in her own life Treading water just to keep from slipping under And she wonders if she's where she's supposed to be Tired of trying to do it right Her dreams are just too far away to see how steps she's making might be taking her to who she'll be
And suddenly it isn't what it used to be And after all this time it worked out just fine And suddenly i am where i'm supposed to be And after all the tears, i was supposed to be here
She feels locked in her own life Scared of what she might lose If she moves away from who she was And she's afraid of being free There's a way she knows is right And she can't feel the things she knows and so each step she's taking Is a step of faith towards who she'll be
And suddenly it isn't what it used to be And after all this time it worked out just fine And suddenly i am where i'm supposed to be And after all the tears, i was supposed to be here
And here where the night is darkest black She feels the fear And the light is farthest back And through her tears She can see the dawn Its coming skies will clear And the light will find her where she's always been
And suddenly it isn't what it used to be And after all this time it worked out just fine And suddenly i am where i'm supposed to be And after all the tears, i was supposed to be here
Where are the people that accused me? The ones who beat me down and bruised me They hide just out of sight Can't face me in the light They'll return but I'll be stronger
God, I want to dream again Take me where I've never been I want to go there This time I'm not scared Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable No one can touch me Nothing can stop me
Sometimes it's hard to just keep going But faith is moving without knowing Can I trust what I can't see To reach my destiny I want to take control but I know better
God, I want to dream again Take me where I've never been I want to go there This time I'm not scared Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable No one can touch me Nothing can stop me
Forget the fear it's just a crutch That tries to hold you back And turn your dreams to dust All you need to do is just trust
God, I want to dream again Take me where I've never been I want to go there This time I'm not scared Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable No one can touch me Nothing can stop meGod, I want to dream again Take me where I've never been I want to go there This time I'm not scared Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable No one can touch me Nothing can stop me
Sometimes I feel so cold Like I'm waiting around all by myself Loneliness gets so old I'm in the lost and found sitting on the shelf Been stuck for way too long But I hear your voice You're who I'm counting on
Oh, tell me you're here That you will watch over me forever Oh, take hold of my heart Show me you'll love me forever
I know that you can tell When I start to let my hope fade away I need to catch myself Open my ears to hear you calling my name Been fighting way too long But I hear your voice You had me all along
When I'm starting to drown You jump in to save me When my world's upside down Your hands, they shake me and wake me
i stole this from vanessa, who tagged her readers...and since i needed a distraction....here you go!i tag all of you, too.
1. Open your library (iTunes, Media Player, iPod, etc) 2. Put it on shuffle 3. Press play 4. For every question, type the song that’s playing 5. When you go to a new question, press the next button 6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool… Opening Credits: Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen (haha, love it....a la Wayne's World)
Waking Up: The Lighthouse's Tale - Nickel Creek (that's depressing...even though it is a beautiful song)
First Day of School: Excuse Me Mr. - No Doubt (appropriate for high school, i think)
Falling in Love: 360 Degrees of You (also extremely appropriate for me pre-marriage)
Fight Song:
Long Gone Lonesome Blues - Hank Williams (pretty wimpy fight song)
Prom: Thriller - Michael Jackson (hehehe)
Life: Get Over Yourself - SheDaisy
Breaking Up: The Luckiest - Ben Folds (this is not a breakup song...unless you're a stalker...)
Mental Breakdown: Strawberry Fields Forever - The Beatles (i guess i could see this)
Driving: In Terms of Love - SheDaisy
Flashback: La Vie Boheme - Rent Cast
Getting Back Together: What Do I Do Now - SheDaisy (lots of shedaisy today, eh?)
Losing Your Virginity: I'm Alive - Kenny Chesney
Wedding: Angel - Sarah McLaughlan (one of my all time favorite songs by one of my favorite artists, but probably not a good wedding song.)
Birth of Child: Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
Final Battle: Revolution - The Beatles (this is a good one)
Death Scene: Out Last Night - Kenny Chesney (must be a lighthearted death....due to a DUI or too much partying)
Funeral Song: Imaginary - Evanescense (an angry funeral, but this is my depression music so i guess it works)
End Credits: Absence of the Heart - Deana Carter
amazing how many kids songs i had to skip through on my itunes...you can definitely tell i've got a toddler! okay, your turn!
this one is one of my all-time favorites. please take the time to really listen to the words of this one. it is based on a true story, which you can read about here.
have a very merry christmas. hold your family close and thank god for each other.
