the story of how a one cat family became a two cat family

saturday morning hubby and i took the kids to the local farmers' market. we love going to it and it was the last one of the season, so we headed out and spent a few hours walking around.

when we got home i had to race inside to use the facilities while hubby got the kids out of the car. as i came through the door, i tripped over something that moved. it was a cat. i assumed it was our cat (seeing as it was inside our house) and said something to the effect of, "get out of my way, cat!" and kept on running. well, the cat (that wasn't our cat) followed me into the bathroom. imagine my surprise as i looked down and saw this grey little kitten, about four months old, looking right back up at me.well by this time hubby and the kids made it through the door and they were just as surprised as i was by our little invader. the kids immediately wanted to pet the kitty. princess was giggling, buddy was in heaven, and hubby kept looking at me saying, "no. no. no. no!" eventually the kitten was put back outside, as it must have belonged to someone in our complex. it stayed, though. hubby gave it food and water to kind of see if it was really hungry, as an indicator of ownership. it wasn't, so we assumed someone was taking care of it. inside we went, cat stayed outside.

a few minutes later hubby walked past the door and the kitten was sitting out on our mat mewing to get back in. after some pouty faces on my end and a large sigh and a "fine" from hubby's end the kitten was let back into the house. the kids proceeded to poke, prod, pull tails and ears, and just all around abuse the poor kitten as only kids can do (in spite of the constant "be nice!" warnings from us). the kitten just sat there and took it. no retaliation, nothing. we were pretty surprised by it.

the next day i put up signs at the mailboxes in our complex saying we'd found a cat and if it belongs to anyone, please call. that night i received a phone call--a man who claimed the kitten, but if we wanted it we were more than happy to have it...his mom dumped it on him and he didn't really want it. it's even been neutered already, bonus for us.

so we took it. the kids are attached. i am attached. hubby is even attached (as he says, "i don't want to like this cat!" to me). the only one in our house not attached? our other cat--baby. we've had baby since we were dating, she's about seven or eight years old. mew (the kitten, named after a cat who has recently passed that belonged to hubby's parents) keeps trying to play with baby...and baby responds by hissing and running away. it's only been a few days, though, so i'm sure she'll get used to him soon.

as hubby said..."they say you don't pick your pet, your pet picks you" and how true it is. some random kitten that ran into the house after me one day has become the newest member of the family.

and that is the story of how we got a new kitten.

the best cake i ever made...

so as you know, my little princess turned one last saturday. and what would be better for a princess than a princess party? we decorated the whole house in pink and white streamers, pink and white balloons and princess decorations. she had a little fuzzy pink party hat that said "princess," her onesie said "little princess," and we got her a sparkly pink princess skirt. everything was pink, pink, pink.

but the thing that took the cake was the cake.

a few months ago i was meandering around wal-mart and came across this:

and said, "this is perfect!"

my mother in law decorates cakes and has taken a bunch of classes. so i asked her if she would help me since i know nothing about cake decorating and have never made a two tier cake let alone a two layer cake. she agreed so we spent way too many hours making the cake. i got the wrong kind of cream cheese so the first batch of frosting was ruined. (word of advice: don't use fat-free cream cheese for baking. yuck.) top tier was chocolate, bottom tier was devil's food on one layer and funfetti on the other. somehow my MIL knows how to make delicious cake, i can't make a boxed cake mix taste that good. filled with cream cheese frosting and voila.
next up, the decorating. this took several hours...we were up until about 1 am. the kit comes with the towers, windows, door and little cones for the top of the towers. they are all plain white plastic, so you do the decorating. here they are after i'd piped the purple around the little windows and stuck edible glitter on them.
the cones we smothered in purple frosting and rolled in the glitter.
then little white balls of cream cheese frosting, and leaves...
here is the cake after we'd put on the leaves and flowers plus the door and the front part. the rest had to wait until the day of the party or the towers would all tip over.
so skip ahead to the afternoon of the party. we stuck the towers on, put the cones on them and frosting-glued them to the cake.
and here is the finished product. isn't it amazing?

what a cake for a baby's first birthday! i was so proud of it! it was sad when we dismantled it.
but let me tell you, those chubby little hands sure loved digging around in it!


and it was delicious!

happy first birthday, princess

Today will soon be over
Tomorrow will arrive
Right now I’m going to hold you
Until you close your eyes

Words can’t always sum up
The feelings that I feel
So peaceful when you’re sleeping
I know you’ll hear me still

Singing ‘You are very special to me
And I am very special to you
I know that this is where I am meant to be
I’m glad that my baby is you’

Exactly what I wanted
Exactly who you are
I know we’ll work together
And we will reach the stars

Families stick together
And family lasts forever
Forever, that’s how long
I’ll love you

Singing "You are very special to me
And I am very special to you
I know that this is where I am meant to be
I’m glad that my baby is you"

I know this is where I am meant to be
I’m glad that my baby is you
(from baby signing time)

happy birthday to my baby girl...
i love you more than you will ever know.

love,
mommy

leaves are falling, falling down

it's that time of year again.

my FAVORITE time of year. the leaves are changing colors and falling off the trees. while it's still monstrously hot during the day, the mornings are cooler, the sun is coming up later and my house smells like delicious pumpkin pie. (gotta love scented candles!) our local mountains are turning more red, orange and yellow as we speak. and you know what else fall brings?

that's right, HALLOWEEN!
when the ghoulies and ghosties come out to play, when pumpkins with big grins and scary faces are lit up, bats and witches fly through the night air and tricks and treats abound. i am so excited i put up my halloween decorations more than a week ago. i made a new wreath out of fall leaves for my door and put up our halloween countdown that i made a few years ago. we even came up with our costumes--the kids and i are going to be bumblebees and hubby is going to be a beekeeper. my little bees are going to be so stinkin' adorable. i'm really looking forward to trick or treating this year too, because little buddy will really understand the concept! and he'll be able to actually say "trick or treat."

and what comes with halloween?
one of my most favorite movies of all time...the nightmare before christmas.

one of life's little thrills of joy.

blonde to black

i dyed my hair black.

why, do you ask?

because i wanted to.

i have been a blonde my entire life. as i get older, my hair gets darker. i was in complete and total denial of the fact that i was no longer "blonde" but a "dirty dishwater blonde with streaks of light brown" (or some variation of that) for a long time. until a year or so ago i found long strands of dark brown hair on something (couch, probably) and was really upset because i didn't know who they belonged to....until i realized they belonged to me. talk about my self-perception shattering, i'd always been proud to be blonde.

so over the past few years i've thought a lot about going brunette. i've always decided not to out of nervousness (what if i hate it?) and out of my still-persistent state of denial (i AM a blonde, dang it!) and laziness (upkeep on roots? yuck.)

secretly, however, for a very long time, i have always fantasized about dying my hair black and getting it cut really short (i've had long hair most of my life, with a few exceptions) and going all punk-rock. unfortunately i'm not cool enough to pull off the punk-rock look.

so a few days ago, impulsively (or not, since i've been considering it for years) i spent a whopping $3 on a box of hair dye called "dark brown." one dye job later, my husband could barely tell a difference (i had to point it out to him) and no one else i met noticed, because the color wasn't that different (again, this state of denial. i thought i went from blonde to brown....but really from light brown to medium brown.) so then i decided it wasn't dark enough. another trip the the grocery store, another $3 on a box of hair dye i thought was titled "brown black" until i got it home and realized it was "soft black." so i said to myself, well, here's one of those things you can cross off your bucket list: dye your hair black.

so i did, and it was awful. my hair is ridiculously thick (i mean RIDICULOUSLY thick) and one box of dye was nowhere near enough. after rinsing and blow drying it was discovered that i had huge chunks of brown in my hair still. not so sexy. so another trip to the grocery store for a more expensive kind of hair dye, roping my hubby into helping me (since try as i may, i can't see the back of my head), and voila, i have black-ish hair. (all over this time, not just in chunks.) it still looks dark brown sometimes (like in this picture) but that's okay with me.

it's a little weird. and hubby says he likes it better lighter. so i don't know if it will last. but i did get to knock something off of my bucket list (which isn't really an actual list at this point), and i did something new and different for me, and overcame my denial about still being blonde.

next up, a haircut. it has been over a year since my last haircut and boy do my ends show it.

i know i've mentioned before that i've read the outlander series and really loved them. recently i decided to reread the first one and ran across a passage that really hit me. to give you a little background, the main character, jamie fraser, is accused of a crime he didn't commit in scotland in the year 1743. after being in prison and having been tortured and abused, he was talking to the other main character, claire, telling her about what his experience did to him mentally. he said,

"It's...difficult to explain. It's...it's like...I think it's as though everyone has a small place inside themselves, maybe, a private bit that they keep to themselves. It's like a little fortress, where the most private part of you lives--maybe it's your soul, maybe just that bit that makes you yourself and not anyone else. You don't show that bit of yourself to anyone, usually, unless sometimes to someone that ye love greatly.

Now, it's like...like my own fortress has been blown up with gunpowder--there's nothing left of it but ashes and a smoking rooftree and the little naked thing that lived there once is out in the open, squeaking and whimpering in fear, tryin' to hide itself under a blade of grass or a bit o' leaf, but...but not...makin' m-much of a job of it."

this---this, is what it is like to be abused.

i am made of clay

have you ever looked back on your life and wondered how you got where you are? what it was that shaped you, made you, molded and created you into who you have become?

i ask myself, how did i become an overweight college drop-out, working part-time selling ties to make ends meet, with a less than stellar job and financial history, and even worse history with every relationship that matters most at the age of 24?

because of choices, that's why.

do you ever wish you could go back and relive your life? make different choices, become a different person?

i used to have so much potential. so many dreams. i had my whole life before me--my depression under control. i graduated high school top of my class, with a stack of scholarships and awards. i looked great (although i didn't think so at the time), i felt great, had tons of friends and thought i knew who i was. i had a plan, a path. i got a little freedom and it all began to unravel. poor choices. being overwhelmed. memories...nightmares...resurfacing. hormonal changes, triggers, my life darkened by post-traumatic stress disorder.

if i could go back and change what happened to me in my childhood, where would i be? who would i be? even if i could just go back six years, to eighteen, and relive it, make changes, deal with things differently--who would i be now?

i have one dream that has come true. i have a beautiful family. if i changed my childhood, would that change? my husband, my two perfect children. if i had found myself, would i have lost them?

i am made of clay, shaped by time, by circumstance, by my own hands and by the hands of others. at any given time one element has more impact than another.


i used to know who i was. but i used to be a different person. i have changed a lot in six years. i have changed a lot in 19 years...19 years since i first began to be abused. by far the majority of my life has been altered and negatively impacted by someone else's choices, by my own choices in reaction to it.

so who am i now?