seventy-five percent!

(sidenote: i have 50 followers now! woo! i feel so validated in my ramblings and attention-seeking...haha!)

today i am 30 weeks pregnant. that means i am 75% of the way there. 3/4 of the way done. 10 weeks. maybe less...who knows. little buddy came at 39 weeks 6 days, the day before his due date. as long as it's not more than 10 weeks i'll be happy. :) it's kind of hard to believe that i'm 30 weeks along. when i look back over this pregnancy it seems as if it has passed quickly, while at the same time has dragged on because of the illness issues i've had. this last week i've been really nauseated again. i thought it was some kind of virus but now i'm thinking it may be the dreaded morning sickness rearing its ugly head again. ugh.

on the topic of morning sickness: i came across an article shared by someone on a forum i read. it's called: "can morning sickness predict your child's IQ?" (you can download it here if you want.)

"...According to recent findings published in the the Journal of Pediatrics and reported by new Scientist magazine....studies have shown that the children of mothers who experienced morning sickness during pregnancy, were more likely to have a higher IQ than those born to mothers who felt no morning sickness during their pregnancy. There is also believed to be a correlation between the severity of the sickness and the level of intelligence of the child."

sweet. i bet my kids are geniuses.

i'm feeling huge, having trouble bending over and getting up from a sitting position, i can't walk for long periods of time, my back aches, i can't sleep comfortably at night, i get winded easily, i have to pee constantly, and i am getting more excited about this baby to be here. in spite of all of the discomforts of pregnancy i have a much better attitude about it than i did at the beginning.

july blog carnival against child abuse

i'm a few days late posting this, sorry!

the new blog carnival is up, over at mile 191's blog come into my closet.

can i say that i just love reading mile 191's blog? she is such an inspiration, and i really relate to a lot of her posts--not just because she's a fellow survivor, but also because she is LDS like me.

go check it out. she did an amazing job.

spoke too soon, i guess

so much for everything being great and wonderful after the wedding. sister S called this afternoon, she's already engaged. getting married three hours away, with the reception on my birthday. no thought at all about how it would affect me or my family or our plans for my birthday.

when i got married? this same sister was upset because we wanted to get married on the same weekend that she had a volleyball tournament. my parents flipped because we had picked a date without taking her feelings/everyone else's schedules into account. then i get told when her wedding date is. no worries about my birthday, there, or the fact that we will have to drive three hours to get to her wedding with a three month old and a twenty-two month old. she said, "i hope you can make it." me thinks this one will be worse than the last.

on top of this, i found out on facebook that my great-grandmother was put in an assisted living home. once again, no one bothered to tell me what was going on. when my grandma was in the hospital this past january, i didn't find out until she'd been there three weeks. and i found out by accident. (i can trace this pattern all the way back to second grade when my other great-grandmother broke her hip and ended up in the hospital. i found out a week later when my sister prayed for her at dinner.) i sent my dad an email asking when she was put in the home and why no one told me. (since after the incident in january, i was promised they would make sure to call me right away about stuff like this.) his response? two weeks ago, it wasn't that big of a deal, and he was too busy with other things to let me know. too busy? too busy with my sister's wedding, i'm sure. too busy to take thirty seconds to send me a text message? too busy to take two minutes to send me an email? too busy to take five minutes to call me? or even to mention it one of the five times i've spoken to him in the last two weeks? they couldn't even bother to tell me why she wasn't at my sister's wedding. stupid me for assuming she just couldn't make it because she wasn't feeling well.

so now i'm pissed. i'm depressed. i'm feeling left out (surprise, surprise) and pushed aside by my family. little buddy is ornery today and keeps throwing fits. it's only 5:30, another two hours until he goes to bed. i have a headache and i'm nauseated, my back is killing me and my entire body is sore. the house is a mess, the dishes and laundry need to be done, and all i want to do is go to bed.

i don't know what posesses me to think that things will change. or have changed. or that it's even remotely possible for my family to give a rat's ass about me or my feelings.

the wedding has come and gone

so my sister's wedding is over.

in my opinion, it actually went much better than i expected. my mom was bossing everyone around and stressed out of her mind (so she was pretty loud and obnoxious at times) but overall we were able to avoid the negativity that can be my mother. hubby was much more annoyed than i was, which is understandable, since i've had a lifetime of dealing with her crap and he hasn't.

the wedding day was very nice. mom wasn't as stressed. i was included in a way i really wasn't expecting: i accompanied my mom and sister into the bride's room at the temple to help her get ready. it really made me feel good, in spite of being left out in other aspects (like being a bridesmaid). it was a beautiful sealing ceremony, short and sweet. it really had me thinking about my own wedding day, and how in love i was with my hubby, and all of the feelings of excitement, nervousness, anticipation, and joy.

after the ceremony we came out of the temple and the rest of the family was waiting. my mom's parents were able to travel from out of state, which was really nice--they weren't able to make it to my wedding. we took pictures in the heat, then had a good luncheon. my boys were the most handsome ones there (much better looking than the groom, if i say so myself).

the next evening was the reception, held in my parents' backyard. it was all decked out, my dad had built a dance floor, and a new portico that was covered in flowers. there were lanterns and ribbons hanging from the fence and the tree. there was dancing and yummy food. i got to see a few friends that i haven't seen in a few years, which was nice. hubby was great about chasing little buddy around for three hours. we danced together, and little buddy loved running around on the dance floor.

i'm glad it's over. it's in the past now, i can stop thinking about being left out, i can stop worrying about what will happen. unfortunately (or fortunately?) my next sister will be getting engaged sometime this week. her boyfriend already has the ring, they were just waiting for the wedding to be over. so....i get to do it all over again in december.

(if you have access to our private family blog, go check out the pictures i put up!)

exponent post: how well does the church handle abuse?

one of my favorite blogs to read that is an lds blog is the exponent. i have found that these women are intelligent, faithful, and discuss poignant issues surrounding the church and individual thought. most of these women are feminist (which i LOVE) and many of their views fall right in line with my own.

yesterday, a guest post by kmillecam was published, titled how well does the church handle abuse? kmillecam shares her personal story of her abuse, how she came forward and the response she received from her counselor at BYU and her bishop.

i really appreciated this post and the comments left by other readers. as a survivor of abuse myself, it really hit home. especially because i also came forward (not to a church leader, but to a hospital counselor) and nothing was done. it wasn't until i came forward to my own parents that the issue was addressed legally as well as within my family.

even if you are not a member of the lds church, i would suggest reading this post. the thoughts shared here can be applied to anyone.

thank you, kmillecam, for being so courageous and sharing your story with the world.

happy independence day!

Patriotism... is not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime. ~Adlai Stevenson

happy fourth of july to all of you--i feel so blessed to be able to live in such an amazing country, to have the freedom that i do. i hope you have all had a wonderful day celebrating the birth of the united states, showing your love and gratitude for this beautiful place that we live! happy birthday, america!

Precious Children, A Gift From God

excerpt from “Precious Children, a Gift from God,” Ensign, Jun 2000, by President Thomas S. Monson

If only all children had loving parents, safe homes, and caring friends, what a wonderful world would be theirs. Unfortunately, all children are not so bounteously blessed. Some children witness their fathers savagely beating their mothers, while others are on the receiving end of such abuse. What cowardice, what depravity, what shame!

Local hospitals everywhere receive these little ones, bruised and battered, accompanied by bald-faced lies that the child “ran into the door” or “fell down the stairs.” Liars, bullies who abuse children, they will one day reap the whirlwind of their foul deeds. The quiet, the hurt, the offended child victim of abuse, and at times incest, must receive help.

A district judge, in a letter to me, declared: “Sexual abuse of children is one of the most depraved, destructive, and demoralizing crimes in civilized society. There is an alarming increase of reported physical, psychological, and sexual abuse of children. Our courts are becoming inundated with this repulsive behavior.”

The Church does not condone such heinous and vile conduct. Rather, we condemn in the harshest of terms such treatment of God’s precious children. Let the child be rescued, nurtured, loved, and healed. Let the offender be brought to justice, to accountability, for his or her actions and receive professional treatment to curtail such wicked and devilish conduct. When you and I know of such conduct and fail to take action to eradicate it, we become part of the problem. We share part of the guilt. We experience part of the punishment.

I trust I have not spoken too harshly, but I love these little ones and know that the Lord loves them too. No more touching account of this love can be found than the experience of Jesus blessing the children as described in 3 Nephi. It tells of Jesus healing the sick, teaching the people, and praying to Heavenly Father for them. But then let me quote the precious words:

“[Jesus] took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them.

“And when he had done this he wept again;

“And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them: Behold your little ones.

“And as they looked to behold they cast their eyes towards heaven, and they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; … and the angels did minister unto them.” 11

You may ask, Do such things occur even today? Let me share with you the beautiful account of a grandmother and a grandfather who were serving a mission years ago and the manner in which their little grandson was blessed. The missionary grandfather wrote:

“My wife, Deanna, and I are now serving a mission in Jackson, Ohio. One of our big concerns as we accepted a mission call was our family. We would not be there when they had problems.

“Just before we went on our mission, our grandson, R. J., who was two and a half years old, had to have surgery to correct a crossed eye. His mother asked me to go with them because R. J. and I are real buddies. The operation went well, but R. J. did cry before and after the surgery because none of the family could go into the operating room, and he was afraid.

“About six months later, while we were still on our mission, R. J. needed the other eye corrected. His mother phoned and expressed her desire for me to be there to go with them for the second operation. Of course, distance and the mission prevented me from being with him. Deanna and I fasted and prayed for the Lord to comfort our grandson during his operation.

“We called shortly after the surgery was over and found that R. J. had remembered the previous experience and did not want to leave his parents. But as soon as he entered the operating room, he quieted down. He lay down on the operating table, took off his glasses for them, and went through the operation with a calm spirit. We were very thankful; our prayers had been answered.

“A couple of days later, we called our daughter and asked about R. J. He was doing fine, and she related this incident to us: In the afternoon after the operation, R. J. awakened and told his mother that Grandpa was there during the operation. He said, ‘Grandpa was there and made it all right.’ You see, the Lord made the anesthesiologist appear to that little boy as though he were his grandpa, but his grandpa and grandma were on a mission 1,800 miles away.”

Grandpa may not have been by your bedside, R. J., but you were in his prayers and in his thoughts. You were cradled in the hand of the Lord and blessed by the Father of us all.

My dear brothers and sisters, may the laughter of children gladden our hearts. May the faith of children soothe our souls. May the love of children prompt our deeds. “Children are an heritage of the Lord.” 12 May our Heavenly Father ever bless these sweet souls, these special friends of the Master.

Cornnut is an art lover and an advocate for child abuse prevention.
She loves being a wife and a mother. Check out her personal blog, Picture of Experience .