little miss austen

today's post is mostly for one of my bestest friends, miss kaitlyn.e, and for the rest of you who are just as in love with jane austen as i am.

behold my recent library find:
Little Miss Austin: Pride and Prejudice, A Counting Primer

um, wow.  can i say this is pretty awesome.  and i find it rather thrilling that my two year old is, in fact, the one who found it.  she loves it.  if anyone wants an idea for christmas (for me or her), here you go.  and also:

Little Master Shakespeare: Romeo and Juliet, A Counting Primer

Little Miss Bronte: Jane Eyre, A Counting Primer

Little Master Carroll: Alice in Wonderland, A Color Primer

the beginning of a bucket list

brainstorming...

my bucket list.  the beginnings of it, anyway.

1.  have my own gallery show.  even if it means building my own gallery in my backyard out of refrigerator boxes and inviting the neighbors.

2.  visit europe...paris, london, venice, florence, prague, rome.  at least.

3.  see a rothko, pollock, and klimt in person.

4.  feel beautiful.

5.  be able to sit for five minutes and feel nothing but peace...no worry, anxiety, depression.  just peace.

6.  watch my children grow up to be happy people.

7.  finish a bachelor's degree at least, maybe a graduate degree.  in art.

8.  feel like a real artist...not an amateur pretending to be a real artist.

9.  have a room in my house that i can hang art prints all over, so when i'm depressed, i can walk into that room and be surrounded by joy.

10.  find out the secret to being happy.

11.  go to the smithsonian, moma, louvre, musee d'orsay and any other art museum i can get myself to.

12.  see a broadway play on broadway.

13.  fly.....

14.  watch a sunset that takes my breath away from beginning to end.

15.  write a book.

16.  learn to play clair de lune.  if not perfectly, then at least accurately.

17.  take more piano lessons.  get better at playing.  find time to practice.

18.  learn to make those around me happy.  with no reservations.

19.  speak another language passably.

20.  purchase an original work of art that i love.  buy a couch to match the art.  inform couch salesman that it is ridiculous to buy art to match a couch.  it should be done the other way around.

21.  paint something i am truly happy with, that i can look at without second guessing or critiquing.

22.  own a four-poster canopy bed.

23.  dress up in a regency ball gown.

24.  be a good person, wife, mother, daughter and friend.

25.  sleep under the stars on a clear night; learn to identify a few constellations.

Things on my bucket list I've already accomplished:
1.  got married in the Salt Lake City temple
2.  became a mother
3.  confronted and forgave my abuser
4.  dyed my hair black
5.  played Frank Lloyd Wright's piano (although i didn't realize it was a bucket list thing until i'd done it...i played Chopin's "Polonaise in G Minor" in Taliesin West when i was 18.)

cleaning out and moving on

i'm going through the grieving process. 

not because someone died.
not really because i lost something...
...more because i'm giving something away.

we moved a few weeks ago, and lost a lot of storage space.  we now have a garage, which is great, but i didn't really how much stuff we really had until i tried to organize it all.  so slowly i have been going through one area at a time and purging extra stuff.  (like the clothes i've been hanging on to for three years because someday i hope to fit into them again...ha....sheets that don't fit any of the beds we have, small kitchen appliances i haven't used in several years, books, frames, etc.)  so i've taken several boxes and bags of random things to the thrift store.  last night, hubby and i tackled the biggest project...and the hardest.

the baby items.

we went through about twenty diaper-boxes full of clothes, several boxes of toys, maternity clothes and other miscellaneous baby items.  last spring i sold most of the bigger items, like the jumperoo, bouncer seat, play mat, bassinet, etc.  i even got rid of a ton of the clothes we have, and kept the things in the best condition that i liked the most.

well.  we don't have room for it.  and in spite of my intense desire to have another baby (like, NOW), it's not the right time for our family for several very good reasons.  in fact, it will be at least a few years until we will be in a place that we can afford another baby financially, emotionally, realistically.

and i cried.  a lot.  more than a lot.  i sobbed like a little girl, sorting through clothes, holding up newborn size jumpers i can remember my sweet little ones wearing.  pulling out the tiny shoes little buddy wore home from the hospital, that were too big on him at the time.  seeing the little dresses princess wore.  realizing that my little ones are growing up.  fast.  only yesterday i was cuddling their soft little bodies, smelling that sweet baby smell, kissing their fuzzy little heads, nursing and rocking them, singing to them and just being in awe of the tininess of their little fingers and toes.  and, also, realizing that there isn't a possibility of having a baby anytime soon.

so, toys, clothes, blankets...all for sale now.  all in bags, in boxes, in my garage.  i kept some--one rubbermaid tote of clothes, one rubbermaid tote of toys, and one rubbermaid tote of spoons, breast pumps, blankets, baby carriers, and other miscellaneous things.

and, when they're gone, there really will be no turning back.

maybe that's what is hardest about it....moving on.  having to admit to myself that i'm no longer the mother of babies...i'm the mother of one extremely independent toddler, and of one very active preschooler.

(makes me feel old.)

Beautiful People

The most beautiful people we have known
are those who have
known defeat,
known suffering,
known struggle,
known loss,
and have found their way out of the depths. 

These persons have
an appreciation,
a sensitivity,
and an understanding of life
that fills them with
compassion,
gentleness,
and a deep loving concern. 

Beautiful people do not just happen.

-Elizabeth Kubler Ros

new paintings

 i found the poem for this one (which i modified slightly) on pinterest.  (it looks bubbled because of my camera, and while the text is uneven it's not as bad as it shows.  it also cut about an inch off all around it.)  i'm actually pretty happy with this one, it will match my living room pretty well.  plus...this is something i need to remember!

 this one i started in early august and just finished last night.  it's an anniversary present for hubby.  this one also looks better in real life and has had the edges cut off in the photo. 

both are done in acrylic on 16x20 wrapped canvas.

catching up

wow....can you remember the last time i posted on this blog?  i can't, unless i look, which i'm not going to do.  :)  for any readers left....how about an update?  (and a blog post riddled with links just for the fun of it?)

life here in the cornnut household is pretty crazy.  princess just turned two (which is insane....remember when i couldn't figure out what the heck was wrong with me...and i ended up being pregnant?)  little buddy is three and a half now and in preschool.  (ALSO hard to believe he was only six months old when i started this blog.)

i am in school, hooray, and have officially been cleared for graduation in may.  i will be graduating with my associates in general studies, which is a nice way of saying i got all of my crappy general ed classes finished in community college so i can take the fun classes at a university.  i'm so stinking excited to have that piece of paper that says i did something with my education.  i've worked hard and so far have a 4.0.  yay me :)  too bad i left my math classes for my last two semesters.  i hate math.

hubby got a new job, he is now a forensic investigator with the local police department.  real-life CSI, which means i refuse to watch CSI with him now.  apparently TV is nothing like real life.  sheesh.  i'm so proud of him...new job, and he graduated with his bachelor of psychology degree in june, and he's just kicking butt all around.

i'm working too...as a photographer.  for lifetouch, in one of their JC Penny portrait studios.  people pay me to hold their adorable babies.  so if you live in my area and need a photographer, look me up.

hubby and i celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary in august.  hard to believe we've been married five years....we've had a lot of ups and downs, but we're still here, still working together to overcome the downs.  we've been through and dealt with a lot.  thanks babe...for sticking with it and helping me do the same.  i love you.

for those of you who remember...i've made peace with my parents.  some really tough stuff happened a few months ago and we were able to reconnect and overcome our issues because of it.  i'm really grateful to have a good relationship with them again, and for everything they have done for me.  my kids love being around them too.  we were able to spend some time with them yesterday, and i am just so glad we've worked things out and have been able to move forward.

my baby brother (who really isn't a baby anymore, so i should probably stop calling him that) is currently in the MTC (missionary training center).  he is serving a mission for the LDS church, and will shortly be headed to Peru.  i can't believe how grown up he is.  it's kind of giving me an identity crisis, because it makes me feel so OLD.  i'm only 25, you know....even if i look 30...and feel 50.

my youngest sister is a STAR and plays volleyball for a pac12 team!  i'd tell you which one but since this blog is supposed to be anonymous to anyone who doesn't actually know me in real life i'm not telling.  :)  if you do know me, you've already heard be brag about her, so i'm pretty sure you know where she plays.  she is aiming for the olympics...rio de janeiro, baby!  guess i better start putting my pennies in a jar.

new obsession: pinterest.  holy cow, is that thing awesome or what?  love love love finding new inspiration and fun projects to do.  (and i've actually done them, not just pinned them!  accomplishment!)  plus facebook and saving tons of money shopping....i'm a couponer!  (NOT like extreme couponing on TLC.)  i do save anywhere from $100-$200 on my monthly shopping trips, which is pretty darn cool.  i am teaching classes on how to do it, too, so if you know me and want to host a class....you should!

next month we are moving again.  same city, new place.  we got new management in our apartment complex and things have really gone downhill, plus we've had issues with our neighbors and our rent is pretty ridiculous.  we are moving into a townhome that is nicer and $300 a month cheaper.  i'm really excited, even though i hate packing, and unpacking, and moving, and the mess that is associated with it.  we are also downsizing to a two bedroom so the kids will be sharing...that will be interesting.

as many of you know.....halloween is coming, and it is my favorite-est holiday EVER.  this year's costumes are fun.  hubby is a banana again, mostly because he's not into dressing up the way i am, we don't have a lot of money, and we have a banana costume.  i got a snow white costume from freecycle (freecycle=awesomeness, find the one near you!) that fits perfectly and looks pretty cool, if i say so myself.  (in fact, we took the kids to a halloween festival our city puts on and i had moms stopping me to take pictures with their little girls....kind of surreal.)  little buddy is super why, and i made his costume myself.  while i am a perfectionist and will accept the quality of the costume, he loves it.  that's all that matters.  princess is a pirate.  why?  because my little two year old loves pirates.  she is the cutest little buccaneer the world ever did see.  she goes around saying, "arrrrr, matey" in her adorable toddler voice, only she does it deeper and gravely and sounds just like a pirate toddler should.  everyone fawns all over it, including her mama.  the kids are falling in love with halloween, probably thanks to me, and think witches and ghosts and skeletons and bats are the coolest things ever.

and, for your viewing pleasure, the pretty awesome sign my mom helped me make yesterday:

i saw a sign similar to this at Michael's for $20.  it was on a stake.  i loved the concept (i do have my own little monsters, after all) but flat out refuse to spend $20 on something like that.  and i wanted one to hang on my door, since i don't have a yard.  so....with three pieces of scrap wood (my mom had them and cut them for me), a little acrylic and puff paint, wire and ribbon (also all thanks to mom's supply), i have an adorable sign for my front door.  it's about a thousand times cuter than the one at Michael's, and we added the hands to it. that was also mom's idea.  we traced little buddy's and princess's hands and turned them into monster hands.  so not only is it cute, but in ten years when i pull it out for halloween i'll get to see how small their little hands were when i made the sign.  i really love it!

so i'm pretty sure that's about it...at least i hope so.  :)  i kind of miss my blog, even though its purpose (to help me heal and hopefully help others) has been mostly served, at least on my end.  i hope i still have new readers coming across the blog and finding some kind of inspiration and maybe comfort in knowing they aren't alone.  i definitely don't want to start over with a new one.  after three years with this blog, and several hundred posts, it's hard to imagine a new one.  i've probably lost most of my readers, though---if you're still there, still reading, let me know you're here, and how you're doing.  it would be nice to kind of catch up with a lot of you.

until next time!

Guest Post: Identifying Abuse Among Students

A little while ago, I was contacted by a fellow blogger asking to guest post.  Allison Gamble is a writer on EducationalPsychology.net,  a website dedicated to "the study of the social, ethical, and cognitive development of students as they progress from children to adult learners."  Allison asked to write a post about identifying abuse among students, geared toward teachers.  I was very enthusiastic about the idea, and Allison has done a great job with this post.

While the article was written for teachers in a classroom setting, I believe the information she's given also applies to church leaders, youth group leaders, day care providers, sports coaches and club leaders as well--anyone in a position to teach or care for children that are not their own.

Please enjoy!  And take a peek at EducationalPsychology.net as well!


A Quick Guide to Identifying Abuse Among Students

Classroom teachers are uniquely positioned to help children suffering from abuse at home. It's important to be alert to signs of abuse so students can receive the help they need. While child abuse is a sensitive subject and you may worry about intervening, by reporting suspected abuse cases you help ensure students' safety, and nothing is more important than that. To identify and report cases of abuse, you should be learn about warning signs and what the reporting requirements and procedures are for your area.

Physical signs of abuse may already be familiar to you. Unusual or unexplained injuries, such as bruising or even broken bones, should raise red flags. If a child is frequently ill or injured, this may be cause for concern. This is particularly so if a child has an illness, injury, or ailment and
has not received treatment despite parents' or guardians' knowledge of this condition.

Often abuse is reflected in terms of educational psychology, and can be seen in children's behavior. Sudden changes in behavior or academic performance are classic signs of abuse. If an outgoing student becomes withdrawn, or a particularly bright student is having trouble completing assignments or focusing, these may be signs. Abused children may be withdrawn or passive, or have learning difficulties aside from those related to specific known causes. They also may appear jumpy or on-edge. Abused children may arrive early or stay late at school or say they don't like to go home from school. These kinds of statements indicate a child doesn't consider home safe.

Parental behavior can also indicate abuse. If parents seem to think their children are wholly bad or lack redeeming qualities, this is cause for concern. Abusive parents may be emotionally distant from their children, rarely touching or speaking to them. They may refer to their children in a derogatory manner or say they don't like their child. If parents recommend unnecessarily harsh punishments or show unrealistic behavioral or academic expectations of their children, these can also be warning signs.

There are many kinds of abuse, including physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, and emotional maltreatment. All of the warning signs could indicate one or more of these types of abuse. If you suspect a child is being abused, the best thing you can do is to continue to provide a safe and supportive learning environment and alert authorities.

Every state has an agency charged with overseeing child welfare. If you need to report a potential abuse case, contact your state's agency or the local police. In contacting authorities, you don't need to know the specifics of when or how a child was abused, but it is helpful to have details of when you first noticed signs and why you were concerned. This kind of information can help agents assess how acute the risk to the child's safety could be.

In deciding whether or not to report a suspected case of abuse, keep in mind that you may be legally obligated to report any suspected abuse. Even if not, helping protect the children in your charge should certainly be considered a moral obligation. Taking the time to learn warning signs of child abuse and look over reporting procedures will prepare you to address potential cases among your students. While in an ideal world no students would be abused, the sad reality is that all teachers will likely encounter cases of abuse. Plan ahead, and you can help ensure the safety and well-being of your students.

Allison Gamble has been a curious student of psychology since high school. She brings her understanding of the mind to work in the weird world of internet marketing.