catching up

wow....can you remember the last time i posted on this blog?  i can't, unless i look, which i'm not going to do.  :)  for any readers left....how about an update?  (and a blog post riddled with links just for the fun of it?)

life here in the cornnut household is pretty crazy.  princess just turned two (which is insane....remember when i couldn't figure out what the heck was wrong with me...and i ended up being pregnant?)  little buddy is three and a half now and in preschool.  (ALSO hard to believe he was only six months old when i started this blog.)

i am in school, hooray, and have officially been cleared for graduation in may.  i will be graduating with my associates in general studies, which is a nice way of saying i got all of my crappy general ed classes finished in community college so i can take the fun classes at a university.  i'm so stinking excited to have that piece of paper that says i did something with my education.  i've worked hard and so far have a 4.0.  yay me :)  too bad i left my math classes for my last two semesters.  i hate math.

hubby got a new job, he is now a forensic investigator with the local police department.  real-life CSI, which means i refuse to watch CSI with him now.  apparently TV is nothing like real life.  sheesh.  i'm so proud of him...new job, and he graduated with his bachelor of psychology degree in june, and he's just kicking butt all around.

i'm working too...as a photographer.  for lifetouch, in one of their JC Penny portrait studios.  people pay me to hold their adorable babies.  so if you live in my area and need a photographer, look me up.

hubby and i celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary in august.  hard to believe we've been married five years....we've had a lot of ups and downs, but we're still here, still working together to overcome the downs.  we've been through and dealt with a lot.  thanks babe...for sticking with it and helping me do the same.  i love you.

for those of you who remember...i've made peace with my parents.  some really tough stuff happened a few months ago and we were able to reconnect and overcome our issues because of it.  i'm really grateful to have a good relationship with them again, and for everything they have done for me.  my kids love being around them too.  we were able to spend some time with them yesterday, and i am just so glad we've worked things out and have been able to move forward.

my baby brother (who really isn't a baby anymore, so i should probably stop calling him that) is currently in the MTC (missionary training center).  he is serving a mission for the LDS church, and will shortly be headed to Peru.  i can't believe how grown up he is.  it's kind of giving me an identity crisis, because it makes me feel so OLD.  i'm only 25, you know....even if i look 30...and feel 50.

my youngest sister is a STAR and plays volleyball for a pac12 team!  i'd tell you which one but since this blog is supposed to be anonymous to anyone who doesn't actually know me in real life i'm not telling.  :)  if you do know me, you've already heard be brag about her, so i'm pretty sure you know where she plays.  she is aiming for the olympics...rio de janeiro, baby!  guess i better start putting my pennies in a jar.

new obsession: pinterest.  holy cow, is that thing awesome or what?  love love love finding new inspiration and fun projects to do.  (and i've actually done them, not just pinned them!  accomplishment!)  plus facebook and saving tons of money shopping....i'm a couponer!  (NOT like extreme couponing on TLC.)  i do save anywhere from $100-$200 on my monthly shopping trips, which is pretty darn cool.  i am teaching classes on how to do it, too, so if you know me and want to host a class....you should!

next month we are moving again.  same city, new place.  we got new management in our apartment complex and things have really gone downhill, plus we've had issues with our neighbors and our rent is pretty ridiculous.  we are moving into a townhome that is nicer and $300 a month cheaper.  i'm really excited, even though i hate packing, and unpacking, and moving, and the mess that is associated with it.  we are also downsizing to a two bedroom so the kids will be sharing...that will be interesting.

as many of you know.....halloween is coming, and it is my favorite-est holiday EVER.  this year's costumes are fun.  hubby is a banana again, mostly because he's not into dressing up the way i am, we don't have a lot of money, and we have a banana costume.  i got a snow white costume from freecycle (freecycle=awesomeness, find the one near you!) that fits perfectly and looks pretty cool, if i say so myself.  (in fact, we took the kids to a halloween festival our city puts on and i had moms stopping me to take pictures with their little girls....kind of surreal.)  little buddy is super why, and i made his costume myself.  while i am a perfectionist and will accept the quality of the costume, he loves it.  that's all that matters.  princess is a pirate.  why?  because my little two year old loves pirates.  she is the cutest little buccaneer the world ever did see.  she goes around saying, "arrrrr, matey" in her adorable toddler voice, only she does it deeper and gravely and sounds just like a pirate toddler should.  everyone fawns all over it, including her mama.  the kids are falling in love with halloween, probably thanks to me, and think witches and ghosts and skeletons and bats are the coolest things ever.

and, for your viewing pleasure, the pretty awesome sign my mom helped me make yesterday:

i saw a sign similar to this at Michael's for $20.  it was on a stake.  i loved the concept (i do have my own little monsters, after all) but flat out refuse to spend $20 on something like that.  and i wanted one to hang on my door, since i don't have a yard.  so....with three pieces of scrap wood (my mom had them and cut them for me), a little acrylic and puff paint, wire and ribbon (also all thanks to mom's supply), i have an adorable sign for my front door.  it's about a thousand times cuter than the one at Michael's, and we added the hands to it. that was also mom's idea.  we traced little buddy's and princess's hands and turned them into monster hands.  so not only is it cute, but in ten years when i pull it out for halloween i'll get to see how small their little hands were when i made the sign.  i really love it!

so i'm pretty sure that's about it...at least i hope so.  :)  i kind of miss my blog, even though its purpose (to help me heal and hopefully help others) has been mostly served, at least on my end.  i hope i still have new readers coming across the blog and finding some kind of inspiration and maybe comfort in knowing they aren't alone.  i definitely don't want to start over with a new one.  after three years with this blog, and several hundred posts, it's hard to imagine a new one.  i've probably lost most of my readers, though---if you're still there, still reading, let me know you're here, and how you're doing.  it would be nice to kind of catch up with a lot of you.

until next time!

parents and parenting themes in the blog carnival

i just finished reading all of the posts from this month's blog carnival against child abuse.

there were two in particular that really struck me, in light of the recent (and not so recent) issues i've had with my parents.

the first: a post from dr. kathleen young, a psychologist in chicago. her post called childhood wounds: understanding yourself in context really struck home. i think EVERYONE should read this, because everyone has issues because of their parents, some worse than others. also, as a parent, it really helped me to put my greatest fear in a little better context: screwing up my kids. like my husband says, we will screw up our kids--the goal is to do it as little as possible.

the second: a blog i've never read before, secret shadows. her post is called fortune cookie. her husband got a fortune that said: “Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.” she related this to both she and her husband coming from highly disfunctional families, but choosing to play their poor hands well and stopping the cycle for their own children. i need to keep this in mind for myself--i need to learn how to play a poor hand well. i know my hubby will appreciate this as he loves to play texas hold 'em....and he knows how to play a poor hand well. (me, on the other hand, everything is written all over my face and i really suck at the game.)

it's been a pretty inspiring night, with all of the great posts i've been reading. you should all go check out the blog carnival. it really is a good one.

the fathers in my life

as a child i endured horrific and prolonged sexual abuse. far too often abuse is at the hands of a parent, especially a father. in my case my abuser was my uncle, my dad's youngest brother. how easy it would have been for my parents, like so many others, to refuse to believe my uncle was capable of such behavior. how convenient it would have been for them to turn their heads and push it under the rug, for the sake of "keeping the family together." for many survivors this is part of their story. my parents did none of those things.

the day my sister and i approached my parents with the details of our abuse is one that stands out in my mind. the unbelievable love and support i received from my parents after the initial shock can not be described. they never questioned us--from the very beginning the trusted and believed us completely. action was taken immediately. my sister and i were put into counseling, my parents approached my grandparents and my uncle, and legal action was taken. as an adult i am aware of how unique a situation this is, and i am in awe of my parents for being able to put their own feelings on the backburner in order to make sure my sister and i got the help we needed.

throughout my teenage years as i painfully and slowly began the healing process, my parents were there for me. in nearly every other aspect of my growing up i struggled with the way my parents dealt with things. with my abuse, i have very few complaints. instead i am filled with gratitude for the understanding and support they gave me, and continue to give me. my father especially has struggled as his relationships with his family have suffered.

i'd like to thank my parents for their unwavering love and the way they pushed me to get the help i needed, especially when i thought i didn't need it.

besides my father, i had another father looking after me and helping me. my father in heaven. over and over again, when i was in the depths of despair, on the brink of suicide, feeling hopeless and the pain was too great to bear, my God was there to bolster me up. had i not had a father here on earth to love and support me i still would have had a literal father to give me the help i needed.

you have all heard this rhyme:

humpty dumpty sat on a wall,
humpty dumpty had a great fall;
all the king's horses
and all the king's men
couldn't put humpty together again.

but the beautiful things is that the king can, and the king will, put me back together again.

father's day is a wonderful holiday for me. it is a celebration of the wonderful father i had growing up, who sacrificed so much for me and my siblings. it is a celebration of the fantastic husband i have, of what an amazing father he is to our son (and soon to be daughter). it is a celebration of my father in heaven, of his unconditional love and understanding.

i hope that all of you, whether you enjoy father's day or not, will always remember that no matter what happens, no matter what has happened, i believe that you always have a father there to love you and be your rock.

upcoming june edition of the blog carnival against child abuse

i can't tell you all how excited i am to be hosting june's edition of the blog against child abuse. for those of you who don't know what it is, a blog carnival is a type of blog event. it is similar to an online magazine, in that it is dedicated to a particular topic (in this case child abuse prevention and awareness). the blog carnival against child abuse is published monthly. each edition of the blog carnival is in the form of a blog article that contains permalinks to other blog articles on the topic. each edition is hosted on a different blog every month, and in june it is my turn to host it.

the theme for june's carnival coincides with father's day. many child abuse survivors have strong emotions tied to their parents. often times fathers and parents are the perpetrators in abusive situations. for a lot of survivors, father's day is a difficult day--sometimes worse than mother's day. on the other hand, sometimes in the case of children who have been abused parents can be a huge support. i look forward to reading submissions that are along this theme of fathers and parents in general.

in addition to the monthly theme there are several categories that are standard that we love to get submissions from. these are:
Advocacy & Awareness
Aftermath
Healing & Therapy
In the News
Poetry
Survivor Stories

you are more than welcome to submit a new post that goes along with the monthly theme or any of the categories. you are also more than welcome to submit an older post that you would like to share. the more submissions, the better!

to submit a post, go to the submission form. the blog carnival will post on friday, june 19th. the deadline for submissions is wednesday, june 17th. this gives you a few weeks to be thinking about what you would like to share.

i'd like to thank marj over at survivors can thrive for giving me the opportunity to participate by hosting this edition. if you'd like to see some of the past carnivals for some great reading and ideas, you can check out may's edition on her blog.

thank you in advance for your participation!