the post that describes my life

wow, i guess it's been awhile since i last posted, huh?

there are several reasons for this.

1. i am busy. with a two year old and a 10 month old i hardly get a chance to breathe. nap time used to be my "me" time but now little buddy thinks he doesn't need a nap most of the time...haha.

2. i have been reading during my "spare" time. don't judge me but i love those stupid romance novels that i can download for free on my phone. (and no, not the pornographic ones, hubby)

3. i have had very little to say

4. i have been in a depressive funk for about a week or so. today has been my first "up" day in awhile, which is nice. hopefully it will stay that way.

today i took my kids to the library (little buddy calls it the libwawy). for some reason i've really been marveling over this whole motherhood thing today. i watched buddy carry a little book around the kids section until he found the little tables and chairs. he immediately sat down and started looking through the book. he LOVES to read and it just makes my heart melt when i see his big smile and when he says "mommy eed a towy?" (translation: read a story.) he is growing up so fast i can hardly believe it. we are still potty training, we've had a few setbacks recently but i'm really proud of him for how well he has done. he loves animals, his baby sister and going outside. i look at pictures of him as a baby and it is so hard to believe how much he has changed in just two and a half years.

princess is also growing like a weed. she is nearly 11 months old, has six teeth now, "talks" a ton and has the cutest giggles ever. she gives me hugs and pats my shoulder when she does, which just makes my day. she also likes to head butt and grab faces, two things i'm trying to get her to stop doing. she adores her big brother and they play together so well. she also loves stuffed animals and eating anything she can get into her mouth. both my kids are really tall for their age. at 9 months (her last checkup) she was the average length of a 12 month old, and i'm sure she's grown a ton since then. buddy, at 24 months, was the average height of a 36 month old, in the 101st percentile. wow! tall kids! and skinny, too, although they both constantly eat and eat. i wish i had that metabolism.

i have successfully kept a betta fish alive for several weeks which is a HUGE accomplishment for me. (in may of 09 i killed three of them...all within a week. and i've also killed two goldfish in the last year.) but this one really seems to be thriving (knock on wood). i gave up naming them after gods (thor, apollo, and ares) because they are obviously not immortal. on the way home from the store with this one, hubby said, "may the fourth be with you" because this is the fourth betta. (get it? i thought it was funny....haha) so i named him darth vader. he's a dark blue and is making me so happy by being alive. let's just hope he keeps up the trend.

i also got a part time job. i work at the mall about 10ish hours a week, in the evenings. i miss my family but it is nice to have a few hours to myself, plus the money is a huge help.

in other news....i need to get up off my lazy rear end and start working out again. i got the 3o day shred video that jillian michaels does, and i lost 5 pounds-ish the first week i did it. then i got depressed and didn't want to do anything but lay on the couch/floor/bed and wallow in self-pity. i have been trying to do better about what i'm eating, too. like multi-grain bread, the 45 calorie sara lee stuff which is actually remarkably good. better than most multi-grains. and more fruit and veggies and while i'd like to say less coke, that would be a total and complete lie.

so now that i've overcome the "very little to say" part and the "depressive funk" part and also the reading part (since i finished the last book i was reading) maybe i'll get around to posting more. guess we'll see, huh? i have all these good intentions and rarely do they pan out.

blah blah blah and blogs

i had all these great intentions of writing several posts today, including a submission for the july blog carnival and setting them to post automatically. i had a bunch of ideas (which have all flown out of my head at the moment) and i'm pretty sure they were great ones, too.

but then i somehow ended up having a mood swing and now i'm depressed and craving coke and a giant bag of hershey's bliss chocolates so that i can sit in my bed and eat the whole thing and watch a sappy movie that of course will make me cry. maybe romeo and juliet...i've been wanting to watch it again for awhile.

on the plus side i went running again this morning for the first time in far too long. my therapist told me to start exercising, i've told myself to start exercising, i know my psychiatrist would tell me to and anyone with any kind of sense would as well. so i ran/walked about 2 1/4 miles. i lost major steam at the end but i did it in about 33 minutes, not bad considering i was pushing a stroller with both my kids in it, i'm really out of shape, and i got winded.

because i love you all as well i'm going to share a few of the blogs i've been enjoying reading lately.

jia has been writing her life's story on her blog and i'm enthralled--can't wait for the next one to post! plus she's hilarious and i love her sense of humor.

foxy pink cheetah always makes me laugh and also posts things that really make me think about my religion and how her experiences are similar to people that i really love and want to understand.

i also love reading paula's blog, she's out on a big trip right now but you can read her archives!

then there's kaitlyn who happens to be one of my best friends in real-life. she needs to get her rear in gear and post on her blog. (love you, miss kaitlyn...)

and my sister, who is making me insanely jealous because she's in england right now. just went to scotland...and visited croatia and serbia. i think they have plans to visit italy and france too. someday she said she'll take me...

dallas, a friend of mine from high school who is also an artist. she posts her artwork (which is awesome) and pictures that are inspiring to her. i love looking at the posts she puts up.

miss eliza who pretty much rocks in every way.

mormon mommy blogs

my friend vanessa who makes me laugh so hard sometimes i pee my pants. drat those weakened muscles from having kids.

fmh, segullah, and the exponent

among others, but i think this is a good list for now.

so what do you read?

anyone have a bag of chocolate or a giant coke they want to donate?

"The sun is nature's Prozac." (Astrid Alauda)

it's been a little while since i've posted. but in all, this is a good thing. this means that i am busy...and i am also a lot happier.

my meds really seem to be working and i am doing well at not forgetting to take them. i am also exercising more and eating better overall, which i think is helping. the weather is getting nice, which makes getting out of the house and into the sun easier, which also helps. (check out my weight-loss blog, burnin' baby fat, to see how my progress is coming.)

i have decided i am going to find a new therapist. the one i am seeing now doesn't seem to be doing a whole lot, and i have been getting rather irritated with the direction my therapy is going. i am also going to be seeing a doctor who practices NAET (you can read about it here) to see if it will help out with my depression and PTSD. my first appointment is on friday, so i'll let you know how it all goes. karina over at the daily delights suggested it to me, she said it's worked wonders for her.

also, hubby freaking rocks. and not just because he bought me this:
that's right, i am the proud owner of an iphone, and i LOVE it.

well i'm going to get up off my butt and do some workin' out, then on to clean my nasty house before my piano students arrive this afternoon. (did i mention i have ten students now? woot woot!)