miss you...

i found out last night my great-grandmother is dying.

today i was told she is unresponsive, her kidneys shut down, and she is not expected to make it through the day.

while i am so sad and upset about this, it is also a blessing. the day before my wedding she was diagnosed with non-hodgkin's lymphoma. she has slowly been deteriorating. last time i saw her was at a bridal shower in november...and she couldn't remember my sisters' names.

her husband, my great-grandfather, passed away in february of 1997....just over thirteen years ago. i could not imagine living thirteen years past the death of my best friend and husband.

hubby and i were talking today about knowing grandparents. his grandparents have all passed but one, and didn't know any great-grandparents. i have been lucky enough to know five of my great-grandparents, one great-great grandmother, and all of my grandparents are still living. i regret that my daughter was unable to meet her great-great grandmother, but so glad that my son was able to--although he will not remember it.

i was the first great-grandchild. i have photos of me as a baby being held by my great-grandparents, as a child helping my great-grandfather blow out the candles on his 80th birthday cake. (they really did put 80 candles on that cake.) photos of my great-grandmother at my wedding. photos of five generations, of my great-grandmother holding my son as an infant. i know she loves me. and i love her. and i will miss her.

i am so glad that i believe what i do about life after death...that i will see her again. that she will be reunited with my great-grandpa, and my great-uncle eddie, her son that she lost so many years ago.

i love you grandma. i will miss you.