letter to myself

dear 16-year-old-self,

well here it is. proof you made it through high school. i know you thought the end would NEVER come, but it actually came much faster than you expected.

and here it is, a few years later, and high school feels like forever ago. last night you and your hubby (yes, you actually do get married. to a wonderful man who actually loves you for who you really are, flaws and all) were going through some of your old stuff. and he read parts of your journals. and you were embarrassed. but most of all, you were shocked at how a few years changes your perspective on life.

so try to remember this, okay?

1. don't waste your time worrying about guys. i know there are 2o cute boys in your high school. but they are NOT worth it. not worth the tears, the worry, the stress, the way you beat yourself up. they're jerks. idiots. blind. you really are worth so much more. boys don't matter right now. someday you will meet a wonderful man who is a great provider, caring, loving, and a wonderful daddy to your children. it will happen. don't rush it. you will regret wasting your life on these stupid, immature boys, who mean nothing. and in a few years, you won't even remember who half of them are. or why you thought they were so important. (they're not. i promise.)

2. don't try to do everything. it's great that you're an athlete, that you love art, that you work hard in school. but don't join 2o clubs and get a job and be involved in church and try to have a social life and volunteer for the play and take on extra work all at once. just have fun. work hard, but have fun. and don't push your limits.

3. realize that just because you get a C in one class, it doesn't mean you're not going to college.

4. mom? yeah, she's hard to get along with most of the time. you fight a lot. you wish you could tell her how you really feel. but you know what? you'll realize as you grow up that some things aren't worth fighting over. and you will actually have a pretty good relationship with her someday.

5. forgive yourself. you screw up. everyone screws up. you're still trying to figure out how to forgive yourself. but it's important. move on, don't dwell on your mistakes.

6. spend more time with your siblings. please, please, please, spend lots more time with them. BE NICE TO THEM! they love you. especially your little sister, who looks up to you. don't push them away. you will regret it every day, that you are not close to them. realize how much they mean to you. tell them you love them. be friends with them. they matter so much.

7. don't kick your dog. he loves you too even if he is a dumb dog and always in the way.

8. lying to your parents? not cool. and so not worth it. you end up getting in more trouble than you should because you lie to them. (and they know it. they're not as dumb as you think.)

9. be nice to everyone. you're okay at this, you get along with pretty much everyone. but those few people that really drive you nuts? you don't know what's going on with them. be nice to them. everyone deserves respect.

10. stay close to God. pray. pray a lot. realize that He loves you. remember that He is always there for you. He will not forsake you.

11. things are hard. you get depressed. you feel alone. but i promise you this--when you are older, when you look back on how miserable you were, you will realize that you weren't alone. you have so many good friends who love you, who would do anything for you. so good that you still talk to a lot of them frequently. friends like kitkat and c duk and rerun. and most of all, your family. they love you and support you. (even when they want to kill you.)

12. don't bother with putting on your makeup every day. in a few years you'll wonder why in the heck you couldn't take the garbage out without your foundation and mascara on.

13. work hard in school. (okay, duh, you know that. you work your butt off already.) but remember to work hard in college, too. finish school. GO TO CLASS! turn your homework in. trust me, it's important.

14. be thankful every day for what you are blessed with.

15. write in your journals a lot. someday you will be very grateful you did, you will remember what it was like to be 13, 14, 15. it's worth it. and besides, you'll smile when you hear your hubby laughing so hard you can hear him all the way downstairs. because really, you are normal. (haha!)

so, 16-year-old self, don't try to grow up too fast. it will come sooner than you think. but when it does, you'll be happy.

don't take your husband for granted. he and your baby are the best things ever to happen to you. and being a mom is the greatest.

so relax. everything will work out.

it always does.

love,
your older and maturing self

joining the land of the public blogs

i've been blogging privately for a few months now, and i love it. but in the discovery of the blogging community, i have decided it is possible to blog and still maintain my anonymity--if certain precautions are taken. so here goes, i'm giving it a shot! i hope that this blog will enable me to make friends with so many of the women i have come to admire in the past few weeks, and to be able to use my life experiences to help and entertain others.

in the process of deciding to create this blog, i thought a lot about what i should call it, and what the content of it should be. then a quote i read awhile ago came to mind:

A Rothko painting "is not a picture of an experience, it is an experience." (Anonymous Rothko Admirer).

i am a nut for all things art and art history. and in thinking about what this person said, it really resonated with me. not only because i COMPLETELY agree (i absolutely adore mark rothko), but also because i can use this blog as a picture of my experience.

my life has been a roller coaster of ups and downs. and as a relatively newly married woman and a young mother, i may not have the same perspective as many. but please feel free to leave your comments (i love comments!) however, if you know me personally, know who i am or who my family members are, please, please please, do not use our names or give any specifics (such as where we live) that could jeopardize our anonymity.

thank you, and happy reading!