selling out

you may notice ads on my sidebar and below my posts now. that is because i am, in fact, selling out. i'm extremely strapped for $$$$ right now and we are worried about our housing situation. so i'm doing everything i can to earn a few extra dollars. so if you're feeling generous, i would love it if you took a few extra seconds to click on an ad. i earn a pitiful amount for every ad you click on.

singing the blues

do you ever feel like what you do doesn't really matter?

i feel that way a lot. and i know in my head it's not true, but for me "knowing" something is totally separate from "feeling" something.

like when i clean up the house, and it's a mess within twenty minutes. or when i do something at work and no one really cares. or when i spend time blogging and i don't get any comments. (hint hint) :)

i think my depression today has a lot to do with lack of sleep. it has been...oh...who knows how long...since i've had a good night's sleep. and poor little buddy has been pretty cranky for the last few days because he is teething. he cut his third tooth this week and his fourth is about to emerge at any moment. i'm also stressed out--but i'm not really sure why, exactly. financial struggles. but that's nothing new. lots to do at work. but that's not really new, either. the house that is a disaster. ha, that's also nothing new.

so why so melancholy today?

i'm not sure. maybe there's something negative in the air.

so how do i change it? what cheers you up when you're having a bad day? especially when you don't know why?

what i think should change as i get older

no more zits. seriously. i thought i'd get out of my teen years and be acne free---HA! yeah, right!

i should be more mature. no more of this stupid teenage angst crap. but i still get that...way too often. mood swings...immature emotions...over reacting to stupid stuff...egh.

i should be uber-intelligent. i mean, i know i'm smart. i've never lacked in the brain area. but i should be even smarter, and able to quote the dictionary or something, right? instead i'm LOSING brain cells. that shouldn't happen until i'm about 75 or so.

i should still have a social life. you know, go out with friends and such. i got married and my single friends basically fell off the map. since now that i'm married i'm boring and all....and my married friends are busy. okay, i'm busy. but i should still have a social life, darn it. (we do go out with our married friends...like every couple of months or so. i just mean MORE.)

i should be making like fifty grand a year now that i'm older and wiser (haha). but i don't think that will happen.

i should be debt free. nope!

i should be incredi-mom. you know, super-wife. still lacking there, too...i guess i have years to improve...but my poor hubby deserves more.

so now that i'm done with the "shoulds"....

i love that i'm a mommy now. and i have a super duper hubby. it is awesome to know that i have my own family--the cornnut and hubby and little buddy family. just us! when i say "my family" now i don't mean my parents and siblings. (not that they're not awesome too, but, you know.)

i love that i can make decisions with my hubby and on my own. no more asking for permission and being told no, unless i clean my room, do the dishes, etc.

i love that even though we have a lot of financial struggles, we both have good jobs. steady jobs. jobs that we WON'T GET FIRED FROM. :) (praises to hubby who got a freaking awesome review at work this week! and they want him to train newbies! yay!)

i love that i get to live with my best friend. no more saying goodbye at the end of a date. it's just us, together, forever. better than roommates!

so what are the pros/cons of getting older for you? it's not like i'm that old or anything...but it sure seems like i'm ancient some days.

it's the end of the world as we know it...

okay, not really. but i freaking love that song. and it happens to be in my head.

some things you probably don't know about me: politics and finances confuse me. like this whole economy thing. i'm totally at a loss. i don't really understand it. after about ten minutes my head hurts when i try to understand it. but what i do understand is this. it sucks. it's crappy. and everything is based on speculation. like, who cares if the bigwigs think that there's going to be some big storm/war/bailout/stock market drop. what does that have to do with anything? (you're not required to explain it to me. i promise i still won't get it.)

the other thing i understand is that things are going downhill. money is really tight. it always has been, my whole life. but it is getting tighter. and who knows, in a year, a month, a week, maybe even tomorrow, there could be a natural disaster. a fire. a flood. the government could crash. doom and gloom, doom and gloom, yadda yadda. but even though i don't like to be pessimistic, it is a very real possibility. and we have been told to prepare for the worst. so today after stocks dropped huge points (again) my hubby called me at work. and we made a decision. a decision that was put on a credit card, that we are trying to pay off. but an important decision.

a $400 decision.

flour, powdered milk, canned food, water, flashlights, emergency kits, and ammunition later we had two carts full of stuff at wal-mart. 72-hour and first-aid kits. and the reassurance that we at least have something to fall back on. tomorrow i'm going to make sure we have clothes and other staples to go with our food etc.

those of you who have prepared yourself for disasters: what do you think is the most important thing to have? what food items do you keep on hand? any suggestions on how to store it and rotate it? what is the shelf life on stuff like that? any helpful hints are appreciated!