my adorable baby (who will be one in two weeks, can you believe it?) who has learned to take off his pants, then crawl around the house dragging them with him. then sitting up, holding them, shaking them, looking at them proudly, and off he goes, dragging them behind him.
i think he believes he is "the shiz" for taking his pants off all by himself. and i am one proud mama.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
A Mighty Power of Healing
originally posted at modern molly mormon
How can praying for those who have wronged us bring peace?
"[Cast] all your care upon him; for he careth for you." (1 Peter 5:7).
During his final days, the Savior's chief Apostle denied even knowing Him. The Savior could have condemned Peter, but he did not (see Luke 22:55-62). And Peter responded with deeper faith and commitment, eventually presiding over the Lord's church.
Jesus Christ could also have condemned the Romans' cruel crucifixion. But, as he hung on the cross, even in his agony, Jesus forgave those who crucified him, asking his Father, "Forgive them; for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34).
From "A Mighty Power of Healing," Liahona, May 1996.
If Jesus Christ will forgive Peter for denying him, he will forgive us for our mistakes. We are asked to forgive others for their mistakes, as well. We can become better people, more like the Savior, if we choose to forgive those who have wronged us, no matter how difficult it may be. If we pray to Heavenly Father for them, the way Christ did, we can show our willingness to forgive to the Lord. We will be casting our cares upon Him, and He will bless us.
Monday, January 26, 2009
I Resolve to Comfort My Inner Child
my first guest post! Marj aka Thriver blogs at Survivors can Thrive! and runs the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. i have been very impressed with the way Marj has used her experiences to help others. thank you for allowing me to post this, Marj!
----------------------------------
After having a much better Christmas than usual or expected--okay, here's the whiny-wiener bad news--I fell while cross-country skiing and injured a few ribs. Then, I got a bad cold. While I was sitting around feeling pain and feeling sorry for myself, I realized that physical illness and injury are big trauma triggers for me.
At my therapist appointment on Thursday, my T said, "You know the actual physical trauma of child abuse gets overlooked and neglected in therapy quite a bit. We focus so much on the emotional trauma and working on feelings, that we don't spend much time on the physical part. As a little girl, you were very, very hurt physically. And most of the time your physical injuries were ignored and received no medical attention."
After she said that, I realized the childhood memory that my recent injury was reminding me of. It wasn't an abuse injury, but the incident reminds me of how many times my childhood injuries and/or illnesses were ignored, overlooked and not attended to in any appropriate, parenting sort of way.
My parents had divorced and, being the upstanding, attentive, appropriate, sane father that he was, dear old "Dad" got full visitation rights with us kids. He had his old, red, two-door jalopy parked in our driveway, waiting to take us to his place for our "visit." I remember that it was winter and there was snow on the ground. My older brother was already seated in the front seat, and my twin sister and I were scooting into the back seat when it happened.
I remember we were all in a hurry to get out of there (even if it was to be with our monster father) because our parents were yelling across the yard at each other: It was the same old topic of, "Where's the child support money?" I got into the back seat first. In her haste to get in after me and close the door behind her, my sister accidentally slammed one of my hands in the heavy car door. I immediately began to wail in pain, while my sister and brother scrambled to get the door back open and release my hand.
My father was oblivious to all this commotion. Instead, he chose this exact moment to zero in and focus on a tiny hole in the knee of my pants, about the size of a dime. Immediately he began to rage. "What the hell do you think you're doing, dressing like this for your visit with me?! Of all the hard-earned money I send to your mother every month, she can't dress you any better than this?! You both have a lot of nerve! Go in and change your clothes immediately! We're not going anywhere with you dressed in rags!" I remember his words and the look of disbelief and outrage on his face. The details of what happened next, however, are rather a blur.
I know my hand hurt like hell. I know all three of us kids did go back inside the house. I know my parents kept on yelling until my father finally drove away alone. I know I did not receive any medical attention--parental attention of any kind--for my smashed hand. There was no emergency room, no doctor's call, no ice pack, nothing. I think I went into the bathroom and ran some cold water in the sink to soothe my throbbing hand.
Now, with a broken rib, all you can do is wait for it to heal. You're not put into a cast. About all you can do is ice it down and take pain meds. It takes about six to eight weeks--and you wait and wait--to get back to normal activity while your ribs heal. That's about all I can do.
There's not much else to be done on this rib issue, when it comes to my healthy, present day self care. But, I started thinking that there are so many ways I can nurture and heal my inner child. This remembrance is an opportunity for me to mourn my lost and neglected childhood and to grieve for the emotional and physical pain that I, as a little girl, had to endure alone. What types of nurturing and basic care did you not receive from the people who were supposed to be your parents?
Hhmmm...let's start a list. Mothering we didn’t get: reassurance, warmth, comfort, empathy, compassion, protection, optimism, confidence, faith, songs, rocking, attachment, holding, gentleness, patience, allowance, acceptance, guidance, safety, reliability, consistency, TLC, caring, attention, medical attention, adoration, play, wisdom, tenderness, joy, trust, LOVE, unconditional love, nurturing, delight...
Delight. Yes. Don't you like that one? Is it so much to ask that a mother actually take delight in her precious child? It comes so easily for me with my own beautiful son. The day I brought my tiny newborn home from the hospital was about the most elated I've ever been in my life. I was so delighted with my new child. Why was it such an overwhelming burden and impossibility for my own mother?
This is one of the reasons why I did what many may consider an odd thing--I bought a baby doll and I sing to her. In a mindful and sincere way, I sing to my inner child: "You're my beautiful baby girl. You're an angel in this world. You're adorable. My beautiful baby girl."
Using my motherly list I started above, I wrote a poem, which I can also put to music in my head and sing to my inner child. Here it is:
Nurture My Soul
I love you
There, there
Let me comfort you
I care
It’s Okay
It’s okay to cry
I’ll protect you
I’m here
It’s safe now for you to rest
Lay your head down
Here’s my shoulder
I will stroke your hair
It’s okay
You can show me
I will dress your wounds
Sleep now
Close your eyes
I will stay with you
No need to hide
It’s safe for you now
You can be you with me
Run to me
When you’re scared
I will protect you
You can feel
Even your rage
It is safe with me
You are beautiful
The way you are
I find great joy in you
I am patient
With your not knowing
And I will show you how
My arms are open
Fall into them
I will gently rock you
You’re frightened
It’s dark
Be still; I’ll sing to you
Everyone has fears
But the world can be a wonderful place
I’ll help you to see that It’ll be okay.
Copyright 2009 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
----------------------------------
After having a much better Christmas than usual or expected--okay, here's the whiny-wiener bad news--I fell while cross-country skiing and injured a few ribs. Then, I got a bad cold. While I was sitting around feeling pain and feeling sorry for myself, I realized that physical illness and injury are big trauma triggers for me.
At my therapist appointment on Thursday, my T said, "You know the actual physical trauma of child abuse gets overlooked and neglected in therapy quite a bit. We focus so much on the emotional trauma and working on feelings, that we don't spend much time on the physical part. As a little girl, you were very, very hurt physically. And most of the time your physical injuries were ignored and received no medical attention."
After she said that, I realized the childhood memory that my recent injury was reminding me of. It wasn't an abuse injury, but the incident reminds me of how many times my childhood injuries and/or illnesses were ignored, overlooked and not attended to in any appropriate, parenting sort of way.
My parents had divorced and, being the upstanding, attentive, appropriate, sane father that he was, dear old "Dad" got full visitation rights with us kids. He had his old, red, two-door jalopy parked in our driveway, waiting to take us to his place for our "visit." I remember that it was winter and there was snow on the ground. My older brother was already seated in the front seat, and my twin sister and I were scooting into the back seat when it happened.
I remember we were all in a hurry to get out of there (even if it was to be with our monster father) because our parents were yelling across the yard at each other: It was the same old topic of, "Where's the child support money?" I got into the back seat first. In her haste to get in after me and close the door behind her, my sister accidentally slammed one of my hands in the heavy car door. I immediately began to wail in pain, while my sister and brother scrambled to get the door back open and release my hand.
My father was oblivious to all this commotion. Instead, he chose this exact moment to zero in and focus on a tiny hole in the knee of my pants, about the size of a dime. Immediately he began to rage. "What the hell do you think you're doing, dressing like this for your visit with me?! Of all the hard-earned money I send to your mother every month, she can't dress you any better than this?! You both have a lot of nerve! Go in and change your clothes immediately! We're not going anywhere with you dressed in rags!" I remember his words and the look of disbelief and outrage on his face. The details of what happened next, however, are rather a blur.
I know my hand hurt like hell. I know all three of us kids did go back inside the house. I know my parents kept on yelling until my father finally drove away alone. I know I did not receive any medical attention--parental attention of any kind--for my smashed hand. There was no emergency room, no doctor's call, no ice pack, nothing. I think I went into the bathroom and ran some cold water in the sink to soothe my throbbing hand.
Now, with a broken rib, all you can do is wait for it to heal. You're not put into a cast. About all you can do is ice it down and take pain meds. It takes about six to eight weeks--and you wait and wait--to get back to normal activity while your ribs heal. That's about all I can do.
There's not much else to be done on this rib issue, when it comes to my healthy, present day self care. But, I started thinking that there are so many ways I can nurture and heal my inner child. This remembrance is an opportunity for me to mourn my lost and neglected childhood and to grieve for the emotional and physical pain that I, as a little girl, had to endure alone. What types of nurturing and basic care did you not receive from the people who were supposed to be your parents?
Hhmmm...let's start a list. Mothering we didn’t get: reassurance, warmth, comfort, empathy, compassion, protection, optimism, confidence, faith, songs, rocking, attachment, holding, gentleness, patience, allowance, acceptance, guidance, safety, reliability, consistency, TLC, caring, attention, medical attention, adoration, play, wisdom, tenderness, joy, trust, LOVE, unconditional love, nurturing, delight...
Delight. Yes. Don't you like that one? Is it so much to ask that a mother actually take delight in her precious child? It comes so easily for me with my own beautiful son. The day I brought my tiny newborn home from the hospital was about the most elated I've ever been in my life. I was so delighted with my new child. Why was it such an overwhelming burden and impossibility for my own mother?
This is one of the reasons why I did what many may consider an odd thing--I bought a baby doll and I sing to her. In a mindful and sincere way, I sing to my inner child: "You're my beautiful baby girl. You're an angel in this world. You're adorable. My beautiful baby girl."
Using my motherly list I started above, I wrote a poem, which I can also put to music in my head and sing to my inner child. Here it is:
Nurture My Soul
I love you
There, there
Let me comfort you
I care
It’s Okay
It’s okay to cry
I’ll protect you
I’m here
It’s safe now for you to rest
Lay your head down
Here’s my shoulder
I will stroke your hair
It’s okay
You can show me
I will dress your wounds
Sleep now
Close your eyes
I will stay with you
No need to hide
It’s safe for you now
You can be you with me
Run to me
When you’re scared
I will protect you
You can feel
Even your rage
It is safe with me
You are beautiful
The way you are
I find great joy in you
I am patient
With your not knowing
And I will show you how
My arms are open
Fall into them
I will gently rock you
You’re frightened
It’s dark
Be still; I’ll sing to you
Everyone has fears
But the world can be a wonderful place
I’ll help you to see that It’ll be okay.
Copyright 2009 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
Sunday, January 25, 2009
my 99
(okay so i actually did this about three weeks ago and i'm just getting around to posting it. so i hope you all enjoy it!)
------------------------
this little meme has been going around, i thought i'd do it for fun. ;)
Things I have done are listed in BOLD (my comments in parenthesis)
1. Started your own blog (or two or three or...you get the point)
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (i'm going to count the orchestra as a band, i played in the elementary and junior high school orchestras)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity (if you count tithing, i've done that many times. 10% may not seem like a whole lot but sometimes it really is.)
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain (hiking counts as climbing, right? if you mean actually climbing with harness and stuff, i will count the fake one at the rock climbing gym.)
9. Held a praying mantis (fyi, don't piss one off. if they hook you it hurts like hell. happened when i was about nine.)
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight (who hasn't? seriously?)
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping (in my own backyard)
27. Run a Marathon (i am told i am not allowed to tell my dad he is old or make fun of him for being old until i beat him in a marathon. i say i just wait until he's too old to run one and then i can say that i could beat him in a marathon, even if i walked it over the span of three or four days.)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person (too little to remember, but i have)
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing (oh, here's the rock climbing question, so i guess hiking does count as climbing a mountain.)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted (you know us weird artists, as students we're constantly painting each other. i have a whole bunch of drawings of fellow students, plus a million more of myself, because when you have no one else you have a mirror and your own face.)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (i was in a keith urban music video once, does that count? i was also an extra in an episode of touched by an angel once)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business (we filed paperwork and paid for it, never did anything with it)
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (a whole bunch of them, actually)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper (a few times, the first time i was in third grade. then a few times in high school.)
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life (i think so. i talked someone out of suicide once. actually...more than once...also pulled my sister out of the road before she got hit by a car once)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake (bunches of times! i grew up right next to it.)
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee (last time was just before i started seventh grade, i stepped on one.)
------------------------
this little meme has been going around, i thought i'd do it for fun. ;)
Things I have done are listed in BOLD (my comments in parenthesis)
1. Started your own blog (or two or three or...you get the point)
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (i'm going to count the orchestra as a band, i played in the elementary and junior high school orchestras)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity (if you count tithing, i've done that many times. 10% may not seem like a whole lot but sometimes it really is.)
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain (hiking counts as climbing, right? if you mean actually climbing with harness and stuff, i will count the fake one at the rock climbing gym.)
9. Held a praying mantis (fyi, don't piss one off. if they hook you it hurts like hell. happened when i was about nine.)
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight (who hasn't? seriously?)
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping (in my own backyard)
27. Run a Marathon (i am told i am not allowed to tell my dad he is old or make fun of him for being old until i beat him in a marathon. i say i just wait until he's too old to run one and then i can say that i could beat him in a marathon, even if i walked it over the span of three or four days.)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person (too little to remember, but i have)
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing (oh, here's the rock climbing question, so i guess hiking does count as climbing a mountain.)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted (you know us weird artists, as students we're constantly painting each other. i have a whole bunch of drawings of fellow students, plus a million more of myself, because when you have no one else you have a mirror and your own face.)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (i was in a keith urban music video once, does that count? i was also an extra in an episode of touched by an angel once)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business (we filed paperwork and paid for it, never did anything with it)
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (a whole bunch of them, actually)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper (a few times, the first time i was in third grade. then a few times in high school.)
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life (i think so. i talked someone out of suicide once. actually...more than once...also pulled my sister out of the road before she got hit by a car once)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake (bunches of times! i grew up right next to it.)
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee (last time was just before i started seventh grade, i stepped on one.)
Friday, January 23, 2009
taking a break
i'm feeling really apathetic to a lot of things lately. difficult to concentrate on stuff, more than it was before. so i have been slacking out in the blogosphere.
forgive me for using my "mark all as read" button too much over the past few days.
hopefully soon i'll be back to "normal" (haha)!
forgive me for using my "mark all as read" button too much over the past few days.
hopefully soon i'll be back to "normal" (haha)!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Let Bitterness Be Put Away From You
originally posted at modern molly mormon How do I put away feelings that I didn't ask for in the first place, emotions that I feel so strongly?
The scriptures suggest that bitterness is not something just to be tolerated but something to be given up. Paul counseled, "Let all bitterness...be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Eph. 4:31-32.)
We must reconsider our view of where bad feelings come from. Bitterness, and feelings like it, cannot develop into a lasting attitude unless we cultivate these feelings. In clinging to bitterness, we blind ourselves to the fact that we are doing just that.
When we harden our hearts, gospel counsel looks unrealistic or impossible. But when we soften our hearts, amazingly, we begin to ask different questions of ourselves and allow the Lord to comfort us in our search of peace. A scriptural example of this is the account of Enoch's vision. When Enoch was shown the fate of those in the Flood, "he had bitterness of soul, and wept over his brethren, and said unto the heavens: I will refuse to be comforted." (Moses 7:44).
Even Enoch had to learn that to refuse to be comforted is to consciously spurn the comfort of God. "The Lord said unto Enoch: Lift up your heart, and be glad; and look." (Moses 7:44). Enoch's refusal to be comforted and his bitterness of soul went hand in hand. Yet the Lord did not abandon him, but continues the vision, showing Enoch that the descendants of Noah would all be given the possibility of sanctification and eternal life.
If the Atonement is applicable to Enoch, who repented of his "bitterness of soul," then persons suffering bitterness about abuse, about divorce, about any negative experience can similarly repent and similarly receive comfort. But we must first accept the idea that we are agents, capable of acting rather than simply being acted upon. We gain greater understanding by asking ourselves the following questions:
Have I refused to be comforted by the Lord?
In prayer have I truly sought meekness and lowliness of heart in order to be comforted by the Lord?
Am I willing to cast my burden on the Savior so that I can get on with life and be at peace?
In prayer have I truly sought meekness and lowliness of heart in order to be comforted by the Lord?
Am I willing to cast my burden on the Savior so that I can get on with life and be at peace?
Excerpts taken from 'Freedom From Bitterness' in the 1991 Ensign, by Terrence Olsen
Monday, January 19, 2009
another give-a-way!
mormon mommy blogs is having a big january giveaway!
but don't go enter because i want to win. ;)
(just kidding. okay, not really.)
but don't go enter because i want to win. ;)
(just kidding. okay, not really.)
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