four years ago...

i was beginning to think i would be pregnant FOREVER.

our baby boy was due on february 20, 2008.  i had spent the nine months of my pregnancy in a perpetual state of illness....and not just the typical morning sickness and aches and pains.  debilitating migraines, unexplained syncope and dizziness.  so when the end of my pregnancy neared, i was extremely anxious for the baby to come.

and i wanted to meet my precious baby boy and be a mother for the first time.

february 17, i began having contractions.  inconsistent but strong and painful.  i passed them off as worse-than-usual braxton-hicks contractions, since i started having those when i was about 13 weeks along.

february 18 came.  contracts still inconsistent.  sometimes five minutes apart, sometimes an hour apart.  that evening hubby and i had some friends over for dinner, then the boys played video games while we girls sat on the couch and talked.

contractions started being consistent and increasingly painful.

i contracted all night long.  they got worse and worse.  i thought i was going to die.  at 2 am, we went to the hospital.  and i had only dilated to 2cm.  an hour walking the hospital later, and i was at 3cm and they admitted me.  epidural several long hours later....and it was an even longer day.  i was tired, but couldn't sleep.  uncomfortable.  anxious and scared.  baby's heart rate dropped with every contraction...sometimes setting off the alarms, which was terrifying. 

i began to push around 3pm.  that baby just did not come.  after almost an hour and a half of pushing, doctor finally got out the forceps (OUCH) and our sweet baby boy was born.

february 19, 2008

4:20 pm

8 pounds, 1.5 ounces

20.5 inches long

healthy and beautiful, even if he was covered in white slime and blood.  mommy and daddy cried with joy.  daddy got to cut the cord, and i got to cuddle my sweet baby while the doctor stitched me up.  my epidural wore off, and it hurt, but my little one was gripping my finger and it was all okay.  everything in my life changed the moment he took his first breath.

being a mother is the most amazing, awe-inspiring thing i could imagine.  today we celebrated little buddy's fourth birthday.

today my sweet boy curled up on my lap, looked at me and said, "i'm glad you're my mommy."

oh, my little man, no one is more glad that i am your mommy than i am.

happy birthday, my little buddy. 

i'll love you forever,

i'll like you for always.

as long as i'm living,

my baby you'll be.