i've really been a blogging slacker. a year ago i posted almost daily and now i'm lucky to post more than twice a month. it's not because i'm lazy....it's because i really just don't know what to say. i think at this point i'm really kind of scared to delve deep into myself because i'm kind of in a good place for now and i don't want to drag up any crap. this is what happens though. i know i've talked about this cycle before, the way i kind of cover up my issues and do well for awhile until it all comes exploding up to the surface again. i'm dealing with my triggers better, i think, at least i'm really trying to. it seems almost every day i have at least one or two triggers but it hasn't sent me into terrifying flashbacks or nightmares for awhile.

life has been pretty busy with two babies to take care of. it's amazing how going from one kid to two doesn't double the work....it's more like ten times the work. especially to get ready to go somewhere. little buddy loves his sister. he points out her nose and eyes and mouth to me and tells me what they are. within the last day or two he's started giving her kisses without being asked. i ask him to help me when i change her and he hands me a diaper for her. he's still pushing boundaries and doing things he knows he's not supposed to just to get attention but it seems like less than he was even a week ago.

the biggest challenge i think has been with the baby. the poor thing has pretty bad reflux. i just assumed she spit up a lot, some babies do that, until about a week ago when she spit up and it was green. after a call to the dr we ended up taking her to the emergency room at the local pediatric hospital because she may have had a blockage. i was terrified....hubby kept me calm. he used to work in the ER at that hospital and had encountered the situation before. there were a lot of tears and my thoughts were running wild....worrying about losing her....what i would do, how i would handle it, how hubby would handle it, what do we do, and all sorts of doom and gloom. (i'm pretty good at that, unfortunately.) the drs were concerned that she had some sort of structural blockage like pyloric stenosis, but after some x-rays and an upper GI we found out that she has GERD and not a blockage. this was great because GERD does not require surgery. she is now on a perscription med and is doing better. she still spits up a lot and is pretty gassy, which is painful for her. but i think overall she feels better and it makes things easier for us. we were really spoiled with little buddy, he was just a perfect child with absolutely no health issues at all. the sickest he's ever been was after he got his chicken pox immunization and he had a fever that night.

i'm looking forward to halloween. it is my favorite holiday. i love the decorations, the eerieness, the creepiness, the whole atmosphere. i love dressing up. this year we get to take little buddy trick-or-treating. he is going to be a dragon and looks just adorable in his costume. the baby will be a little pink leopard and she also looks adorable in her costume. i just hope it isn't too cold on halloween. i don't want the kids to freeze!

well i think i'm going to attempt to take a nap. both kids are asleep and i didn't get much sleep last night. i hope you all have a great day.