Friday, December 16, 2011

little miss austen

today's post is mostly for one of my bestest friends, miss kaitlyn.e, and for the rest of you who are just as in love with jane austen as i am.

behold my recent library find:
Little Miss Austin: Pride and Prejudice, A Counting Primer

um, wow.  can i say this is pretty awesome.  and i find it rather thrilling that my two year old is, in fact, the one who found it.  she loves it.  if anyone wants an idea for christmas (for me or her), here you go.  and also:

Little Master Shakespeare: Romeo and Juliet, A Counting Primer

Little Miss Bronte: Jane Eyre, A Counting Primer

Little Master Carroll: Alice in Wonderland, A Color Primer

Thursday, December 15, 2011

the beginning of a bucket list


my bucket list.  the beginnings of it, anyway.

1.  have my own gallery show.  even if it means building my own gallery in my backyard out of refrigerator boxes and inviting the neighbors.

2.  visit, london, venice, florence, prague, rome.  at least.

3.  see a rothko, pollock, and klimt in person.

4.  feel beautiful.

5.  be able to sit for five minutes and feel nothing but worry, anxiety, depression.  just peace.

6.  watch my children grow up to be happy people.

7.  finish a bachelor's degree at least, maybe a graduate degree.  in art.

8.  feel like a real artist...not an amateur pretending to be a real artist.

9.  have a room in my house that i can hang art prints all over, so when i'm depressed, i can walk into that room and be surrounded by joy.

10.  find out the secret to being happy.

11.  go to the smithsonian, moma, louvre, musee d'orsay and any other art museum i can get myself to.

12.  see a broadway play on broadway.

13.  fly.....

14.  watch a sunset that takes my breath away from beginning to end.

15.  write a book.

16.  learn to play clair de lune.  if not perfectly, then at least accurately.

17.  take more piano lessons.  get better at playing.  find time to practice.

18.  learn to make those around me happy.  with no reservations.

19.  speak another language passably.

20.  purchase an original work of art that i love.  buy a couch to match the art.  inform couch salesman that it is ridiculous to buy art to match a couch.  it should be done the other way around.

21.  paint something i am truly happy with, that i can look at without second guessing or critiquing.

22.  own a four-poster canopy bed.

23.  dress up in a regency ball gown.

24.  be a good person, wife, mother, daughter and friend.

25.  sleep under the stars on a clear night; learn to identify a few constellations.

Things on my bucket list I've already accomplished:
1.  got married in the Salt Lake City temple
2.  became a mother
3.  confronted and forgave my abuser
4.  dyed my hair black
5.  played Frank Lloyd Wright's piano (although i didn't realize it was a bucket list thing until i'd done it...i played Chopin's "Polonaise in G Minor" in Taliesin West when i was 18.)

Friday, December 9, 2011

cleaning out and moving on

i'm going through the grieving process. 

not because someone died.
not really because i lost something...
...more because i'm giving something away.

we moved a few weeks ago, and lost a lot of storage space.  we now have a garage, which is great, but i didn't really how much stuff we really had until i tried to organize it all.  so slowly i have been going through one area at a time and purging extra stuff.  (like the clothes i've been hanging on to for three years because someday i hope to fit into them again...ha....sheets that don't fit any of the beds we have, small kitchen appliances i haven't used in several years, books, frames, etc.)  so i've taken several boxes and bags of random things to the thrift store.  last night, hubby and i tackled the biggest project...and the hardest.

the baby items.

we went through about twenty diaper-boxes full of clothes, several boxes of toys, maternity clothes and other miscellaneous baby items.  last spring i sold most of the bigger items, like the jumperoo, bouncer seat, play mat, bassinet, etc.  i even got rid of a ton of the clothes we have, and kept the things in the best condition that i liked the most.

well.  we don't have room for it.  and in spite of my intense desire to have another baby (like, NOW), it's not the right time for our family for several very good reasons.  in fact, it will be at least a few years until we will be in a place that we can afford another baby financially, emotionally, realistically.

and i cried.  a lot.  more than a lot.  i sobbed like a little girl, sorting through clothes, holding up newborn size jumpers i can remember my sweet little ones wearing.  pulling out the tiny shoes little buddy wore home from the hospital, that were too big on him at the time.  seeing the little dresses princess wore.  realizing that my little ones are growing up.  fast.  only yesterday i was cuddling their soft little bodies, smelling that sweet baby smell, kissing their fuzzy little heads, nursing and rocking them, singing to them and just being in awe of the tininess of their little fingers and toes.  and, also, realizing that there isn't a possibility of having a baby anytime soon.

so, toys, clothes, blankets...all for sale now.  all in bags, in boxes, in my garage.  i kept some--one rubbermaid tote of clothes, one rubbermaid tote of toys, and one rubbermaid tote of spoons, breast pumps, blankets, baby carriers, and other miscellaneous things.

and, when they're gone, there really will be no turning back.

maybe that's what is hardest about it....moving on.  having to admit to myself that i'm no longer the mother of babies...i'm the mother of one extremely independent toddler, and of one very active preschooler.

(makes me feel old.)